30 Reasons Why I Might Not Follow You Back On Twitter

1. You have #TeamFollowBack in your bio.


2. You don't reply to anyone in your tweet stream.


3. Your tweet stream is little more than a list of giveaways and sponsored posts.


4. You are hyper-focused on one topic and never stray into human communication.


5. You constantly tweet links telling me to follow you on another social media platform.


6. You only retweet other people while rarely saying anything yourself.


7. You call yourself crazy, drunk, weird, or passionate.


8. You promise your followers things if you gain a certain number of them.


9. You only tweet links to your blog or content on other sites.


10. Your bio claims that you are a social media guru or maven.


11. You promise to commit to social good activities only if your followers promote your content.


12. You are a business who sells tractors or diaper supplies or whathaveyou three thousand miles away from where I live.


13. You are heavy on the leetspeak.


14. Your bio claims that you are an expert on three or more things.


15. Your tweet stream is cluttered with app spam from the other apps you use telling me where you are, how many calories your burned running, or what your twitter stats are.


16. You make sexist, pornographic, or otherwise hate-mongering comments.


17. You have no bio whatsoever.


18. Your company bio reads like a board room mission statement.


19. Your whole stream is inspirational quotations.


20. Your bio claims to be that of an appliance, as though I want to have a relationship with a food mixer.


21. You have only two tweets to your name, but you already follow 2000 people, only 12 of whom follow you back.


22. Your avatar is still the default egg picture.


23. Your account is private and you have little to no information in your bio to help me figure out if I know you or why I would want to follow you.


24. You have multiple people tweeting from your account but never specify whose tweet is whose.


25. The majority of your tweet stream is you tweeting at celebrities and big brands.


26. You use exclamation marks in every single tweet.


27. You don't tweet in English.


28. Your bio states that you want to spread your religion.


29. Your bio focuses on you as a salesperson.


30. Your content is devoted to bitching about how other people are doing it wrong :)

5 #HideousSelfie Pics That Will Brighten Your Day

I was feeling oh so sad and very blue a couple of nights ago. The sads have been plaguing me for a little while now for a number of reasons, and I was tired of it, because you know what depression is? It's boring.

I decided to enlist the help of Twitter to get my face out of its pile of squishy tissues and invented the #HideousSelfie hashtag, because it's totally okay to use your friends' lack of shame for your own entertainment, right?

It's #HideousSelfie time. Send me you being really ugly. I'll pick my faves for a post. Here's mine:twitpic.com/b1cu0r

— Elan Morgan (@schmutzie) October 5, 2012

To be fair, I offered up my own inspiring #HideousSelfie to promote only the best behaviour on the internet:



My fugly mug inpsired more than a few of my fellow tweeters, and, wouldn't you know it, I ended up laughing instead of crying, so I'm spreading the joy by sharing a few of them with you.

5 #HideousSelfie Pics That Will Brighten Your Day

CheekySweetie:


Palinode:


TinyFnVillage:


Amalthya:


and the obviously reigning queen of #HideousSelfie, RedneckMommy:


THANK YOU, TWITTER. A little of you and a little bit of #HideousSelfie made all the difference. I laughed so hard at one point that two, yes two, cats fell off the sofa.

If you are feeling both a little shameless and #HideousSelfie inspired, show us your hideous face. I'm proof that it does the world a bit of good.

10 Things That Make You Look Like Spam On Twitter, Even If You're Not

Someone from Twitter emailed me recently to ask why I was refusing to friend them there, and I had to tell them that, in all honesty, it was because I thought they were a spammer.

I don't know what this picture is about. It's not about vanity. It makes me look like I've got a few days of beard growth under my chin. (PS. I don't have a few days of beard growth under my chin.)

So, from me to you with love, if you are on Twitter and can't figure out why no one will follow you back, check your account for the following qualities:

1. Your avatar is still an egg.
2. Your avatar endeavours to make you look like a porn star through any combination of nakedness, cleavage, duck lips, and/or showing only individual body parts.
3. Your bio is full of hashtags and/or a list of your likes as though you're filling out a dating profile.
4. Your last twenty tweets are all basically the same thing, if not exactly the same thing, to twenty different people.
5. You follow hundreds or thousands of people, and almost no one follows you back yet.
6. You put this check mark next to your name — ✓ — in a feeble attempt to make it look like your account is verified.
7. Your bio claims that you are a social media expert, but you never interact with anyone.
8. You send me an auto-DM immediately after I follow you back.
9. You have special characters in your name like ♥ and ♦.
10. You only ever use Twitter to tell people to visit you on Facebook.

Now go forth and look less spammy. You're welcome!

Meet my latest sponsor!

Join Live It To The Full's Rule-Free Photography in mid-May with photographer Vivienne McMaster:

Sometimes it feels like photography is full of rules and structure of how you should or should not be taking a photo. Some rules are meant to be broken especially if they stop you from creative exploration!