PantsWatch.com: When Procrastination Collides With My General Pantslessness

Since I wrote about my conversation with the Regina Police yesterday, people keep asking me if I'm wearing pants, so I took all the inquiries, combined them with my great mastery of procrastination, and gave birth to PantsWatch.com:



So, am I wearing pants? It's not bloody likely.

How the Regina Police Came to Know That I'm Not Wearing Any Pants

Our heroine, Schmutzie, fidgets nervously this morning, visibly shaken after a stranger tried unsuccessfully to enter her home through the back door.

SCHMUTZIE: I need to report a guy who was trying all the doors in my building. He's gone now, though.

POLICE: What happened?

SCHMUTZIE: At first I thought he was one of my neighbours, because we share a snow shovel that's just inside my back entry, but he tried my doorknob several times over about five minutes.

POLICE: What did he look like?

SCHMUTZIE: He was of average build, average weight, average height, brownish hair, dark hoodie. He looked like everyone. I didn't get to see his face.

POLICE: I'll send out a broadcast for your area, and we'll be in contact if we need any more information.

SCHMUTZIE: Thanks.

POLICE: You're welcome.

SCHMUTZIE: Oh! Wait!

POLICE: What can I help you with?

SCHMUTZIE: Will there be any officers stopping by or anything like that?

POLICE: It's not likely. Would you like them to?

SCHMUTZIE: No. I work from home, and I was just wondering if I should put on a pair of pants.

POLICE: ...

SCHMUTZIE: Hello?

POLICE: Pants?

SCHMUTZIE: Yes. Will I be needing pants?

POLICE: Um, you should be fine as you are.

SCHMUTZIE: Thank you!

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And that is how the Regina Police came to know that, while I do not see fit to wear pants while I work or even while I am under threat of break and entry, I will consider putting on a pair to greet one of their officers.

I am nothing if not respectful.

Putting On Pants Is Really Boring, Apparently

Because this is a picture of Onion's reaction to panting, which is to bite whatever is near his mouth, I thought it was sideways related to the topic at hand.

Palinode: Whatcha doing?

Schmutzie: I'm taking off my pants...

Palinode: Really? [His face breaks out in a huge grin.]

Schmutzie: ...and I'm putting on some other pants.

Palinode: Oh. [His grin falls.]

Schmutzie: What?

Palinode: Well, it's just that your sentence started out really interesting, and then it ended up being really boring.

Next time I put on pants, I'll try to throw in a little soft shoe or something.