7 Basic Rules of Emotional Eating

One:

Make sure that you have antacid handy. This whole thing is about avoiding discomfort, so don't mess up by getting heartburn.

Two:

There must be sugar.

Three:

There must be salt.

Four:

There must a balance between the sugar and the salt, as the brain secretly believes that one cancels out the other.



The brain also secretly believes that this secret belief likely points to an intuitive knowledge, the truth of which will be proved by science, so pass the salty, chocolate-covered pretzels, please.

Five:

There must be neither belts nor tight fitting clothing of any kind worn while eating.



(Hairy navels are completely acceptable. The hair growth burns belly fat. True story.)

Six:

Have someone who will pretend to call 911 and say Help! Help! It's an emergency! My wife's a big fatty!



The restraint you show in not punching that person in the kidneys buys you brownie points, a spot in heaven, good karma, and all the moral superiority you need.

Seven:

Repeat as necessary.



Sad Panda likes gifts of chocolate chiffon cake and Zesty Cheese Doritos.

Valentine's Day, Simmer, and Hot Pot Food Comas

Yesterday was Valentine's Day, in case the entire world didn't notify you, and so the Palinode took me out to a local restaurant's opening night.



Simmer, Regina's newest spot, is a Chinese hot pot restaurant, which means they bring you platters of fresh meat and vegetables, which you then cook yourself in a small pot of boiling broth right at your table.



We ate pickled radishes and cloves of garlic and cinnamon dinner rolls:





Yum.



I liked how they took the opportunity to sell us the flowers right off the table:





And then we ate ALL of this, which seemed perfectly reasonable in the moment:







And then we went home and slipped into hot pot comas, because on your tenth Valentine's Day together, it is perfectly acceptable to eat gross amounts of food, waddle home discussing your burgeoning food babies, and then pile through the entire first season of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia.

Sexy times can happen later when we've regained the ability to see our own knees.

Burp.

----------------------------

PS. This is not an ad for Simmer, although I would advertise them, because they are local, their food is fresh and healthy, and the owner is one of those people who'll know your name and what you like the second time you go there, so, if you're in Regina, go!

Words Can Make You Fat

I found myself repeating the following words like some kind of mantra, because I enjoyed the way they felt rolling around in my mouth:

peanut butter spread
on thick
buttered
bread.

And so, let me introduce you to what ended up being my second breakfast this morning:



Burp.