Me at Aiming Low: Schmutzie's Vegan-Friendly Melted Banana Oatmeal Recipe, Microwave Style

Check out my latest at Aiming Low, "Schmutzie's Vegan-Friendly Melted Banana Oatmeal Recipe, Microwave Style":

This creation is so rich and flavourful that you'll swear you're eating dessert for breakfast. Bon appetit!

My Fabulous Toasted Peanut Butter And Honey Sandwich

I love toast, and one of my favourite things to do with toast is make peanut butter and honey sandwiches.

One: Toast your choice of bread.

I'm using a Dempster's variety this morning, but I prefer a hardier type of bread, truth be told. I find most commercial varieties to be underbaked. It's one of my life goals to learn how to make kick ass savoury bread.



Two: Make sure you have all the necessary condiments handy for immediate use once the toaster pops. It is essential that all the condiments be added while the toast is at maximum hotness.



Three: Butter (or olive oil margarine, if you're trying your hand at being heart smart) must be spread on both pieces of bread. This is no time for moderation, even for the heart smart.



Four: Slather peanut butter on one slice and honey on the other. I prefer fully processed smooth peanut butter and locally-sourced liquid honey. Natural peanut butter is terrible and mass market honey (which often can't even be classified as actual honey, by the way) is inferior.

This is about appealing to taste, not health.



Five: Mash the slices together, sticky sides in, and eat.



I have been having a little war within myself about what to call this thing. On the surface it seems simple, but take a closer look. If I call it a Peanut Butter and Honey Toast Sandwich, then it intimates that the sandwich has a piece of toast inside it, which it does not. If I call it a Toasted Peanut Butter and Honey Sandwich, then it suggests that all of the ingredients were compiled beforehand and that the sandwich was toasted afterwards as a whole. This is quite a pickle.

Also, it bothers me that I'm butting heads with the boundaries of language over something as simple as breakfast.

At any rate, YUM.

Me at Aiming Low: The Act of Cooking Is Not Unlike Masturbation

Check out my latest piece at Aiming Low, "The Act of Cooking Is Not Unlike Masturbation (Unless You’re An Exhibitionist, In Which Case This Metaphor Doesn’t Work At All)":

I've always assumed that my need for privacy while going about my business in the kitchen was a common one, but I'm starting to think that I should work on the stabby aspect of my particular cooking style.

The Potato Prescription: Lemony, Lemony Roasted Potatoes With Garlic

I have been given opportunity to panic recently. I'm not going to tell you why, because I am all about creating suspense, but I am going to tell you how I deal with that panic.

Me and panic have a long history. We met back in about 1974 and became fast bedfellows. It wasn't until sometime in 1999 when I found out that, aside from being a versatile starch, potatoes could be wonderfully calming when I found myself having an extended episode of anxiety in my bathtub, which is where I like to have my extended episodes of anxiety. Potatoes mellow me out. I've never looked into the science behind it, but it works.

With my recent bout of panic, I decided that it was time for a good, strong dose of my favourite starch: Lemony, Lemony Roasted Potatoes With Garlic. They get two lemonys, because these babies are lemony.

Lemony, Lemony Roasted Potatoes With Garlic

5 medium potatoes
¼ cup olive oil
¼ cup lemon juice
½ teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons dried oregano
3 cloves minced garlic

Cut each of the potatoes in half and boil in salted water for 15 minutes. Drain the water and cut the potatoes into smaller chunks.

Mix the rest of the ingredients together and then toss them with the potato chunks until the potatoes are evenly coated.

Bake the potatoes in a single layer in a baking pan at at 400°F for 45 minutes. Turn the potatoes over after a little more than 20 minutes to ensure even roasting.

EAT.

A pile of these tart potatoes, taken at the first sign of panic, especially when coupled with a nap, will set you aright. Panic: averted.*

You're welcome!

----------------------------

* Unless of course there's babies, in which case panic is always indicated, plus you could win free stuff if it is before March 16, 2011.