Me at Aiming Low: Schmutzie's Vegan-Friendly Melted Banana Oatmeal Recipe, Microwave Style

Check out my latest at Aiming Low, "Schmutzie's Vegan-Friendly Melted Banana Oatmeal Recipe, Microwave Style":

This creation is so rich and flavourful that you'll swear you're eating dessert for breakfast. Bon appetit!

My Fabulous Toasted Peanut Butter And Honey Sandwich

I love toast, and one of my favourite things to do with toast is make peanut butter and honey sandwiches.

One: Toast your choice of bread.

I'm using a Dempster's variety this morning, but I prefer a hardier type of bread, truth be told. I find most commercial varieties to be underbaked. It's one of my life goals to learn how to make kick ass savoury bread.



Two: Make sure you have all the necessary condiments handy for immediate use once the toaster pops. It is essential that all the condiments be added while the toast is at maximum hotness.



Three: Butter (or olive oil margarine, if you're trying your hand at being heart smart) must be spread on both pieces of bread. This is no time for moderation, even for the heart smart.



Four: Slather peanut butter on one slice and honey on the other. I prefer fully processed smooth peanut butter and locally-sourced liquid honey. Natural peanut butter is terrible and mass market honey (which often can't even be classified as actual honey, by the way) is inferior.

This is about appealing to taste, not health.



Five: Mash the slices together, sticky sides in, and eat.



I have been having a little war within myself about what to call this thing. On the surface it seems simple, but take a closer look. If I call it a Peanut Butter and Honey Toast Sandwich, then it intimates that the sandwich has a piece of toast inside it, which it does not. If I call it a Toasted Peanut Butter and Honey Sandwich, then it suggests that all of the ingredients were compiled beforehand and that the sandwich was toasted afterwards as a whole. This is quite a pickle.

Also, it bothers me that I'm butting heads with the boundaries of language over something as simple as breakfast.

At any rate, YUM.

Me at Aiming Low: The Act of Cooking Is Not Unlike Masturbation

Check out my latest piece at Aiming Low, "The Act of Cooking Is Not Unlike Masturbation (Unless You’re An Exhibitionist, In Which Case This Metaphor Doesn’t Work At All)":

I've always assumed that my need for privacy while going about my business in the kitchen was a common one, but I'm starting to think that I should work on the stabby aspect of my particular cooking style.