Last night at 11:56 p.m., after half a bottle of eleven-dollar white wine and poor shoe sales, I decided to perk myself up by soliciting bad jokes from my fellow Twitterites. For their troubles, I promised them the possibility of winning a $10 iTunes gift card if their joke was my favourite.
No, I am not so rich with $10 iTunes gift cards that I can just toss them to the masses willy nilly without a thought. I received this particular one for Christmas, but, sadly, it turns out that it can only be used by people residing three hours south of me in the United States. Canada gets screwed again!
My original idea was not only to have people tell bad jokes but also to make them tell those jokes in exactly 140 characters, so I spent an unreasonable amount of time stretching this joke to fill exactly 140 characters:
It turns out that no one understood me — surprise, surprise — because they all started telling really awful jokes in less than 140 characters. I didn't care, though, because I was laughing too hard.
Cheap wine + that what's-brown-and-sticky joke = comedy gold.
I chose this one as my favourite, because the perch! It's a fish! And the birds! They think they're people! If I laugh at this one anymore I am going to go have my cognitive abilities checked out.
And because I just can't get enough, more with the bad jokes in the comments, people. Of course, there are no more prizes to give away, but these are way too awesome. I love you.