Friday, November 15, 2013 • categorized in lists
- Conquering that thing where you knit the heel part of handknit socks, because they seem to work pretty well without heels
- Stitching things on pillows, because I stab myself too often and have no patience for hundreds of tiny stitches
- Practicing stealth so that I could be an undefeatable cat burglar if I wanted to be one, only I wouldn't actually become a cat burglar, because I'd suffer terrible burgling guilt
- Going white water rafting, because I like my body arranged the way it is
- Stretching and stretching every day until I am flexible enough to at least fake being a contortionist, because that would be a pretty brief and embarrassing deception
- Learning to like mushrooms in a gourmet kind of way, because they're fungus and kind of rubbery and are often grown in poo
- Trying heroin, because while I was a stupid teenager who romanticized addiction, I am now a sober 40-year-old who can see how stupid that is
- Taking naked photos of myself so I can look at my hotter, younger self when I'm eighty, because who wants their naked selfies leaked? Not me.
- Owning a pet duck names Charles, because I live in an apartment and I don't know if they can be litter-trained
- Inventing the waffle donut open-faced fruit sandwich, because I don't know what waffle donuts would entail, and I'm not really that big of a fan of cooking, but this might count as inventing it, right, so go me!