25 Loosely Associated and Thoroughly Uncomfortable Thoughts Numbered to Effect Order

Aidan at Paradise Entertainment & Cinema
  1. I am having a difficult time finding my words.
  2. My belly's hanging out.
  3. The older I get, the more it feels like I'm saying goodbye to things that never came to pass like children, careers, and unexpressed talents.
  4. I'm turning 40 this year.
  5. I'm reaching the end of my second year of sobriety.
  6. I want to smoke cigarettes every day.
  7. I suddenly want a tiny dog that I will dress in sweaters.
  8. My urge to fight with everyone competes with my desire to be liked.
  9. Sometimes I think I'm just seeking less potentially harmful activities to be addicted to, because dreams and addictions feel so similar.
  10. There is talk of real estate in my future.
  11. You can't fall out of love.
  12. Hello? Levity? You're welcome to come back at any time.
  13. All of my writing is in the form of rambling lists lately.
  14. For some reason, I've always really looked forward to being 42.
  15. I have a huge urge to go into seclusion/reclusion.
  16. I have days where my only thoughts are images and speaking is difficult.
  17. I have a pathological resentment of emotional obligation.
  18. I feel pulled between forms: poetry, prose, and verbal storytelling.
  19. I want to write about my past, but I worry that I am too biased.
  20. Making lists is another form of procrastination, but I like them.
  21. Keeping the faith in your life's movement is a Brobdingnagian, if entirely invisible, accomplishment.
  22. I question the true bond of blood.
  23. I have a thousand stories locked upstairs in my brain, biding their time.
  24. For brief moments, here and there, I am able to feel my breath and love all things, but these moments are brief.
  25. Do you ever feel as though you simply compost all your successes into soil to be tossed behind you so that you can cover up and distance yourself from past shame?
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