10 Things That Make You Look Like Spam On Twitter, Even If You're Not

Someone from Twitter emailed me recently to ask why I was refusing to friend them there, and I had to tell them that, in all honesty, it was because I thought they were a spammer.

me
I don't know what this picture is about. It's not about vanity. It makes me look like I've got a few days of beard growth under my chin. (PS. I don't have a few days of beard growth under my chin.)

So, from me to you with love, if you are on Twitter and can't figure out why no one will follow you back, check your account for the following qualities:
  1. Your avatar is still an egg.
  2. Your avatar endeavours to make you look like a porn star through any combination of nakedness, cleavage, duck lips, and/or showing only individual body parts.
  3. Your bio is full of hashtags and/or a list of your likes as though you're filling out a dating profile.
  4. Your last twenty tweets are all basically the same thing, if not exactly the same thing, to twenty different people.
  5. You follow hundreds or thousands of people, and almost no one follows you back yet.
  6. You put this check mark next to your name — ✓ — in a feeble attempt to make it look like your account is verified.
  7. Your bio claims that you are a social media expert, but you never interact with anyone.
  8. You send me an auto-DM immediately after I follow you back.
  9. You have special characters in your name like ♥ and ♦.
  10. You only ever use Twitter to tell people to visit you on Facebook.
Now go forth and look less spammy. You're welcome!

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