Monday
Apr162012
25 Things In Which I Do Not Find Much Value
Monday, April 16, 2012 
Oooooh! Schmutzie's put on her judgy hat!
- Axe products
- Insisting that government decisions must follow the religiously prescribed morality of one particular group over all others, religious and secular alike
- Crunchy peanut butter
- Not striving for quality and ongoing improvement in your creative work
- Shoes that are uncomfortable
- Repeated declarations that blogging is dead, as though it is not a medium with wide-ranging success being employed by everyone from individuals to mainstream media
- Thong underwear
- Moral outrage
- Plain donuts without any sugar or honey-dipping
- Attacking people who come from a place of acknlowledged privilege for witnessing the lives of those without that privilege
- Fondant
- Declaring that anything isn't fair
- Not using the Oxford comma
- Designing a website that makes blog content difficult to access or engage with
- Lying awake at 2:00 a.m. and wondering if getting four bars on your iPhone in your bedroom means that you are more likely to get cancer than when you are getting one bar
- Diets that insist an entire class of natural food is bad for you
- Being mean as a way to assert dominance
- Fundamentalism, religious or otherwise
- Non-alcoholic beer
- Denying the need for feminism
- Those insane cheekbone implants paired with facelifts that make people look like Spitting Image puppets
- Arguing with commenters on sites like YouTube or just about any newspaper's website
- Reborn dolls
- Criticizing a woman for her appearance in a situation that has little or nothing to do with her appearance
- Toe cleavage
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Reader Comments (36)
I miss crunchy peanut butter. I don't think I've bought a jar of the stuff in over ten years.
Palinode, we can buy it even if I don't like it, you know!
I agree with ALL OF THESE except #7 (the only kind I wear)(TMI, FTW!) and #23, because they are beyond "no value", they are SO CREEPY.
And also, something I find a lot of value in? LISTS. I love lists.
I have to take issue with the plain donuts - but otherwise I concur. Well, maybe except for the Oxford comma. I've been in publishing too long and have AP guidelines burned into my brain.
But other than that... :)
I stumbled across a site that had ceothless g-strings as part of their lingerie offerings. Um, really. What is the point?
I don't get fondant either, but I like thongs.
Should I even ask what a reborn doll is?
I kind of like plain donuts, but the rest of your list? Yep. I'd add Cadbury creme eggs to that list because they are devil spunk.
I love crunchy peanut butter and my husband hates it so we're a 2 jar peanut butter family. Everything else I totally agree with, especially thong underwear and uncomfortable shoes, both of which I'm too old to put up with. I do have a use for fondant, though, since I'm a cake maker. Eating it is just wrong but it makes things look pretty.
Love this list, even if I do happen to like crunchy peanut butter and the occasional non-alcoholic. In fact, I'd say that when I was pregnant, fake beer (or "feer" as my sister-in-law called it) was very very much appreciated and enjoyed.
What is a reborn doll? Do I even want to google that?
Nicky, reborn dolls are creepy, lifelike recreations of human babies: http://www.reborn-baby.com/.
Ick.
I wanted to write something about how god doesn't want you to use the Oxford comma, perhaps with something about the fundamental value of Axe products, but I wasn't sure my sarcasm would translate adequately. I do not, however, use the Oxford comma.
you're right on everything but the doughnuts and the peanut butter, I think...
RE: #1. You obviously don't have a tween boy in your house. I didn't understand it until I had one, either.
Someone tricked me into eating a plain donut on Saturday. Okay it was the last one in the box and it looked like a glazed, but I was horribly disappointed when I discovered it wasn't. Who sells a plain donut pretending to be a glazed donut?? And for that matter, who buys them??
Typically I agree about comfortable shoes, but I also have a shoe weakness and will suffer a tad bit of pain if they rock.
I didn't know about reborn dolls until this moment. That link needs to come with a warning!
Crunchy peanut butter = 0 value!
You don't like toe cleavage?! Shocked, shocked am I. I feel a lot less elf-conscious with toe cleavage on show than with any other kind. I love it. And crunchy peanut butter. I can get on board with just about everything else though. Well said.
I see that crunchy peanut butter is getting the boost it deserves from other commenters, so I will refrain. But anyway, I was placated with your position on the oxford comma. And, I may be guilty of indulging in at least two of the items on your list.
I don't know what toe cleavage is.
Oh for heaven's sake, all you thong haters. Wear 'em (not the same ones of course) for more than three days and you'll get used to them and find they are perfectly comfortable. And make no panty lines, which is the whole point. I think.
Stubblejumpin Gal, I actually wore thongs almost exclusively for almost 5 years, and I never got used to them. I also don't like the way they look. I do miss not worrying about pantylines, though.
Goodness, five years of discomfort! You are one very determined gal! Why did you keep on? (The no-pantyline thing?)
It never occurred to me to notice how they look, as I don't tend to run around in my panties—except on sweltering summer nights maybe— I'm usually hurrying to get something on so my legs will be warm.
In the early days of my thong-wearing I did at least once feel only my butt cheeks as I pulled down my jeans, think the panties had gone down with the jeans, and pee right through the thong.
Oh sorry ... TMI?
:)
Count me as one of the chunky peanut butter lovers too.
But the others, not much value there.
Wow. That reborn doll looks all too real.
I gave up thong underwear after having children, no desire for unnecessary discomfort. And is a donut really a donut without something on it?
13. Not using the Oxford comma
#thisiswhyiloveyou
I concur. You know what else the world could do without? Energy drinks.
I agree especially with #18. As a mom of three, I live with #8 and #12 daily. I don't want to find out what #23 is, do I?
Down with fondant! Down with peanut butter!
My friend calls thong underwear "the bridge of disease" -- I think that's brilliant on many levels.
If I am reading something that lacks the use of the Oxford comma, it annoys me to no end.
That perv that wanted your feet when you were 17 really did it , didn't he?
To this day, the toe cleavage haunts you.
Protecting the masses from the succulence of an enticingly squeezed toe.
No to the crunchy peanut butter and thong underwear, but plain donuts are the best. I had to google Oxford comma so that means I probably use it. Lists are fun and those dolls ... what the hell?
I've tried wearing thong underwear and I just can't get used to it. I spend half my day keeping my underwear from bunching up in my crack. Why would I spend a whole day with it there on purpose?
Also, now I can never unlearn what a reborn doll is. The stuff of nightmares.
So many of these are DEAD ON. Especially love #24 - in that it's dead on. NOT that it happens.