Thursday
Apr122012
Schmutzie's Avocado Berry Banana Wonder Smoothie for Health and Smug Self-Satisfaction
Thursday, April 12, 2012 
Something you may or may not know about me: I tend to eat like absolute, utter crap. If it's salty or made of lard, I'm ordering it in on a Friday night, or a Tuesday if I'm in the mood, or any other day, really.
♫ Butter cream icing and fried chips with gravy
Spicy beef jerky and ice cream and ramen
Tubs of onion dip and flaming cheese
These are a few of my favourite things ♪
In my ongoing effort to lead a more gastronomically balanced life, though — because, hello, I fear death as much as the next person — I've taken to making smoothies in the morning, and I've ended up inventing a handful of smoothies that I actually choose to eat over that secret stash of tortilla chips I have squirrelled away. In fact, I invented one just this morning that is so full of healthful goodness that it swelled my chest with self-satisfaction.
Just so you know, I am better than you now. Superior, even. I am a magnanimous blogger, though, so I will share my superiority-inducing smoothie recipe with you. You're welcome.
Schmutzie's Avocado Berry Banana Wonder Smoothie
1. Cut half of a frozen banana into chunks and throw it in a blender.
2. Add a ¼ cup of frozen blueberries
3. Add half of a fairly soft avocado. Yes, you heard me. AVOCADO. This is the ingredient that makes that whole self-satisfaction factor come alive.
4. Add unpasteurized, locally-sourced honey. I don't tend to measure it out very carefully and often add it a few times throughout the process until I achieve the sweetness I like. It could be a teaspoon. It could be three tablespoons. I have no idea.
Honey is the kind of added sweetness that you don't have to feel bad about, though, because, unlike other sweeteners, it has a healthy glycemic index and is full of nutrients. Also, if it's unpasteurized and locally-sourced, it can actually help boost your immune system and alleviate allergies. It's true!
5. Add one cup of soy milk. You can use almond or rice milk, too, if you like. If you use cow's milk, you will suck the smugness right out of this recipe, and also? You're gross for liking whole cups of other animals' glandular secretions.
If I am to be honest, though, I eat cheese and yogurt and ice cream and whatnot. I'm just really getting off on feeling high and mighty right now. This smoothie is powerful stuff.
6. Puree the crap out this mother.
7. Because of the vegetableness of the avocado, you might want to test for fruitiness at this point. I added some frozen strawberries and blackberries to fruit up the flavour a bit.
8. Puree again until smooth, and voilà! You now have a sweet, healthy breakfast with a good dose of self-satisfied smugness on the side.
Now that I've balanced out the forces, I feel like a burger and fries are in order. We wouldn't want my arteries to get too holier-than-thou, now, would we?
categorized in food & drink, health and tagged in avocado, banana, blackberries, blueberries, drink, food, health, honey, recipes, smoothies, soy milk, strawberries
food & drink, health and tagged in avocado, banana, blackberries, blueberries, drink, food, health, honey, recipes, smoothies, soy milk, strawberries 
Reader Comments (10)
Thanks for the new recipe, Schmutzie! I've been on a fruit smoothie breakfast kick for the past month and show no signs of abating. Bought some blackberries recently because they looked good, but after trying one, didn't think it was going to be great in a smoothie. You've inspired me to give it a fair shot. Also, avocado, yay! And ... I freeze my soy-almond milk in ice cube trays and then throw a few into the blender.
Like you, I feel quite noble after drinking my smoothie, because each one contains not only berries and banana, but two apples -- skin and all! Yippee, gettin' fruit down my neck!
Next: to find a tasty smoothie recipe for veggies. Tried one with spinach and carrots last week and was not impressed.
Stubblejumpin Gal, try mixing the veggies with fruit. They blend really well together, and the fruit ups the deliciousness.
Wow - this looks amazing!
I would never have thought of putting an avocado in a smoothie... but now that you mention it, it makes perfect sense. Lots o' vitamin A, some healthy fats, and I bet that thing just adds to the overall creamy texture.
With this recipe, you have once again proven your inalienable right to be smug over your brilliance.
For ultimate smugness, add a lot of kale. No, really. You actually won't taste it, at all. But it's darn good for you.
You had me until soy/almond milk. I am a card carrying glandular secretions of mammals enjoyer and will not give it up. My favorite smoothie (for today) is frozen strawberries and bananas and some yoghurt (with honey for sweetness if necessary). It does make me feel like I should go out and fight some bad guys or something. I feel positively Wonder Woman-ish.
Update: a stick of celery went fine with what I had on hand, but the blackberries, not so much. It's the seeds, I guess. Still, smoothies are a treat. I can't believe it took me so long to discover them.
This looks pretty good, I'll have to try it. I don't often have avocados tho because as soon as they're ripe, the kids want 'em.
May I give you my self-satisfied smug smoothie recipe?
1 Old banana
1 C blueberries or strawberries (frozen of course)
3/4 C fruit juice
1/4 C milk (of your choice)
2 T ground flax seeds
2 T nutritional yeast
2 T protein powder
2 C spinach
Blend until smooth and fuck yeah it's SO good. Start with the spinach and liquid otherwise it doesn't always blend all the way.
Monstergirlee, I would be totally smug after drinking that. Thank you!
I totally manage to be smug about the glandular secretions of other animals, especially if they are locally-grown, raw, and hormone-free. Just sayin'.