Thursday
Mar222012
THE CAPSY APATHY IS CAPSY
Thursday, March 22, 2012
I WANT TO TYPE THIS WHOLE THING IN ALL-CAPS, but don't worry. I won't. I WILL JUST TYPE SOME OF IT IN ALL-CAPS.
There isn't anything really to be capsy about, but there is so little to be capsy about that it's like we've come full circle right back around to capsiness again. It's like when you are feeling so apathetic that there is basically an apathy party in your brain, except that comparison totally doesn't work.
Eff it. I've got a serious case of the Capsy Apathy. THE CAPSY APATHY IS CAPSY.
I woke up with this sort of numb feeling that edged on depression, so I drank some coffee and nearly passed out on my keyboard with ennui. At that point, I thought I might be having an issue with basic sustenance, so I ate a banana, and then one of my cats ate some of the banana peel, and then he puked it up all over the foot of my rolly office chair, and I still didn't feel anything except grey while I sopped up cat vomit. So, it wasn't a sustenance issue. DAMN.
And the sky was grey and under my eyes looked grey and the film of cat hair all over my kitchen-table-cum-desk was grey.
I SAID CUM. AND THEN I YELLED ABOUT IT.
I had a cheque in my purse to deposit, and, despite my apathy-swiftly-turning-into-gloom, I still liked money, so I went to the bank where I had to use the machine because all the tellers were busy or on lunch, and then I went to a posh shoe store where I was roundly ignored, and then I tried on weird-fitting clothing samples, because it's always best to try on clothing sample rejects that make it look like you're smuggling wilted potatoes under your shirt when you're feeling gloomy, and then I tried to have lunch at a cafe that was closed, and then I tried to buy a cinnamon bun at a place that doesn't bake them on Thursdays, and then, in order to round off this rousing adventure, I went to Shoppers Drug Mart and bought fifty dollars worth of vitamins.
YOU DON'T GET TO FEEL GOOD. I'M DRAGGING YOU DOWN WITH ME.
It's weird to go through so much of a day feeling so invisible. Oh, except for at The Gap. A fantastic saleslady there actually saw me and helped me and somehow coaxed me into a pair of heavily discounted khakis.
Thank you, The Gap saleslady. YOU MADE ME FEEL HUMAN FOR ELEVEN MINUTES.
I seriously felt like I was in one of the old black-and-white Twilight Zone episodes as a character who slowly ceases to exist to the rest of humanity but is doomed to walk through her city invisibly, her sanity wasting under the complete and utter withdrawal of human love.
NOPE. NO MELODRAMA HERE, FOLKS. MOVE ALONG.
Did I mention it was windy? It was windy. It was so windy, in fact, that my purse was blown up and into the back of my head more than once. This was so I could both feel invisible AND look really cool in public. It was like the universe was smacking me upside the back of head and shouting YOU'RE SO EFFING AWESOME, SCHMUTZIE.
Anyway, I really like my new pants. The saleslady told me that almost no one else liked them, which was why they had so many on sale. I'm one fashionable human being, people, in my largely disliked khakis. You should go to The Gap and get a pair. WE COULD BE FASHIONABLE TOGETHER LIKE MOVIE STARS.
How was your day?
There isn't anything really to be capsy about, but there is so little to be capsy about that it's like we've come full circle right back around to capsiness again. It's like when you are feeling so apathetic that there is basically an apathy party in your brain, except that comparison totally doesn't work.
Eff it. I've got a serious case of the Capsy Apathy. THE CAPSY APATHY IS CAPSY.
I woke up with this sort of numb feeling that edged on depression, so I drank some coffee and nearly passed out on my keyboard with ennui. At that point, I thought I might be having an issue with basic sustenance, so I ate a banana, and then one of my cats ate some of the banana peel, and then he puked it up all over the foot of my rolly office chair, and I still didn't feel anything except grey while I sopped up cat vomit. So, it wasn't a sustenance issue. DAMN.
And the sky was grey and under my eyes looked grey and the film of cat hair all over my kitchen-table-cum-desk was grey.
I SAID CUM. AND THEN I YELLED ABOUT IT.
I had a cheque in my purse to deposit, and, despite my apathy-swiftly-turning-into-gloom, I still liked money, so I went to the bank where I had to use the machine because all the tellers were busy or on lunch, and then I went to a posh shoe store where I was roundly ignored, and then I tried on weird-fitting clothing samples, because it's always best to try on clothing sample rejects that make it look like you're smuggling wilted potatoes under your shirt when you're feeling gloomy, and then I tried to have lunch at a cafe that was closed, and then I tried to buy a cinnamon bun at a place that doesn't bake them on Thursdays, and then, in order to round off this rousing adventure, I went to Shoppers Drug Mart and bought fifty dollars worth of vitamins.
YOU DON'T GET TO FEEL GOOD. I'M DRAGGING YOU DOWN WITH ME.
It's weird to go through so much of a day feeling so invisible. Oh, except for at The Gap. A fantastic saleslady there actually saw me and helped me and somehow coaxed me into a pair of heavily discounted khakis.
Thank you, The Gap saleslady. YOU MADE ME FEEL HUMAN FOR ELEVEN MINUTES.
I seriously felt like I was in one of the old black-and-white Twilight Zone episodes as a character who slowly ceases to exist to the rest of humanity but is doomed to walk through her city invisibly, her sanity wasting under the complete and utter withdrawal of human love.
NOPE. NO MELODRAMA HERE, FOLKS. MOVE ALONG.
Did I mention it was windy? It was windy. It was so windy, in fact, that my purse was blown up and into the back of my head more than once. This was so I could both feel invisible AND look really cool in public. It was like the universe was smacking me upside the back of head and shouting YOU'RE SO EFFING AWESOME, SCHMUTZIE.
Anyway, I really like my new pants. The saleslady told me that almost no one else liked them, which was why they had so many on sale. I'm one fashionable human being, people, in my largely disliked khakis. You should go to The Gap and get a pair. WE COULD BE FASHIONABLE TOGETHER LIKE MOVIE STARS.
How was your day?
Reader Comments (17)
I adore the humanness in this post. I hate wind, too. Your khakis look cool. My day sucked arse.
YOU'RE SO EFFING AWESOME, SCHMUTZIE. You really are. Thank you for blogging. xxx
If I tell you that your post made me feel GOOD, would you believe me? I am fighting off a cold (or it may be allergies since the trees are in bloom and it's still F-ING MARCH!) and my head is full of snot and I just want to be home but I'm at work where I have to be all PLEASANT and HELPFUL since I am a social worker and that's practically in the job description.
I wonder why no one liked the khakis? They look good on you. I buy most clothes on sale and often wonder why they're being orphaned.
My Aunt Martha, who lives in a very remote area of Mississippi and just got her first computer last year, has found facebook. She often leaves comments or posts on my wall in all caps. In fact, she does this all the time. I was feel like she's yelling at me and part of me wants to tell that just because there's a state between us doesn't mean that I can't hear you just fine. But I don't because her all caps makes me laugh.
Also, you look super skinny in those pants.
This post made me laugh. "Nearly passed on on my keyboard ennui." I think we have all been THERE. When cat puke doesn't get you riled up, not much will.
You and your "largely dislike khakis" actually made me guffaw. Hope you have a better day today! :)
*disliked* duh. My keyboard has it out for me today.
i really don't know what to say in response to this piece. should i feel bad that i chuckled (and related) throughout? i hope not. thanks, as always, for sharing.
I like the khakis. Once in a blue moon I will find something like that at the Gap - something that fits perfectly and yet the rest of the world has rejected it, and so it's hugely discounted. Awesomesauce.
I live in Calgary and it's SO WINDY. I have come to the conclusion that I prefer -5 temperatures with no wind to +12 and gale winds.
Love the khakis. THEY MAKE YOU LOOK WAY THIN. ;)
it's still windy. and I saw you before you took the picture of the dresses ;)
It's strange--when I get in a dazed apathy state of misery I always do end up in some chain store like the Gap. It calls to me.
I didn't feel bad except for that you feel bad. I hope tomorrow will be wonderful. I know I'm supposed to just say 'better' but I say 'wonderful.'
'YOU DON'T GET TO FEEL GOOD. I'M DRAGGING YOU DOWN WITH ME.' is just about perfect.
I'm sorry your purse is a traitorous asshole. It shouldn't let the wind be the boss of it and do ugly things to you.
I really like the humanness in this publish. I dislike wind flow, too. Your khakis look awesome. My day pulled ass.
Y'know, you weren't completely invisible today. As evidence, I submit your own photo entitled, "Downtown on a Grey Day 10." In the lower right quadrant, there is a small child who is extremely interested in what you're doing.
Then again, small children are often the only ones who can see invisible people....
Y'know, you weren't completely invisible today. As evidence, I submit your own photo entitled, "Downtown on a Grey Day 10." In the lower right quadrant, there is a small child who is extremely interested in what you're doing.
Then again, small children are often the only ones who can see invisible people....
Also, I really hate it when I double post. Seeing double posts makes me think, "wow, whoever did that must be a complete idiot with no idea how to manipulate a computer."
You look great. Which is normal. The pants are awesome. Are your shoes dansko clogs? I didn't look very closely.
I hadn't thought about the lack of color. But that is how things are here, too. Well, more like lack of sound. Everything is muffled, flat.