Tuesday
Mar132012
What My Cat Taught Me: Perceived Aggression and the Power of a Gentle Touch
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Cat two of three, Onion, is a bigger cat who galumphs around the apartment on heavy feet with a loud yowl, so it's easy for me to forget that he responds best to a gentle hand.
I tend to give him rougher affection and speak to him in a louder voice to match the size of his presence, but that is thoughtless. It's a reflex.
He doesn't know how big and galumphy he is, and he finds it confusing to be met with such volume. When I touch him lightly and speak to him in a soft voice, though, he leans into me with a genuine affection that he can't show me when half his energy is being spent reacting to my assault.
It is often this way with people, too. When I am faced with someone who I perceive as being larger physically or energetically, my instinct is to react with at least the same level of perceived aggression, if not more. I am learning, though, to pause for a moment, breathe, and move more gently if the situation allows. It gives me time to think, and it gives them the space to communicate with me without having to fight against my bluster.
A gentler hand makes room for both us to be who we are beyond the volume of our reactions to each other.
Thank you, Onion. You are one smart kitty cat.
I tend to give him rougher affection and speak to him in a louder voice to match the size of his presence, but that is thoughtless. It's a reflex.
He doesn't know how big and galumphy he is, and he finds it confusing to be met with such volume. When I touch him lightly and speak to him in a soft voice, though, he leans into me with a genuine affection that he can't show me when half his energy is being spent reacting to my assault.
It is often this way with people, too. When I am faced with someone who I perceive as being larger physically or energetically, my instinct is to react with at least the same level of perceived aggression, if not more. I am learning, though, to pause for a moment, breathe, and move more gently if the situation allows. It gives me time to think, and it gives them the space to communicate with me without having to fight against my bluster.
A gentler hand makes room for both us to be who we are beyond the volume of our reactions to each other.
Thank you, Onion. You are one smart kitty cat.
categorized in how to and tagged in Onion, aggression, cat, cats, gentleness, pacifism
how to and tagged in Onion, aggression, cat, cats, gentleness, pacifism 
Reader Comments (12)
Wise cat, and perceptive woman. This especially: "When I touch him lightly and speak to him in a soft voice, he leans into me with a genuine affection he can't show me when half his energy is being spent reacting to my assault. " applies to how important it is to remember that my oldest daughter has to expend extra energy reacting to my mood and behavior sometimes.. she has Aspergers. And I think she and Onion are quite similar.
Odd what people take away from your posts, sometimes, isnt it? :) Thank you for making me stop and consider.
Love the Onion-boy. He is such a wise teacher! :)
I've started a response to this three times and backspaced it all away.
So, just, you know....thank you.
What a beautifully simple and logical way to look at how we approach others.
"galumphy" that is too good. love this wee post.
Pretty perseptive. I have a big husband, he is 6'10 and not a skinny guy, if you know what I mean. People react to him like you reacted to Orion and big guy really likes the soft touch.
Thanks for opening eyes. Now if only I can have my family see this. And think because they can be a little dense.
Yes! My cat, Jack, is also an excellent teacher. I've learned so much from him. When I'm feeling all busy in my head, I look at Jack and remember that what I want most is a happy, simple life. He puts things in perspective for me.
Great post, thanks!
First, Onion looks so much like my big cat Bit! What a beautiful cat! My cats have taught me so much over the years. Onion's lesson is a good one.
I have an Onion myself. Size and demeanor are exactly the same. How wise you are to take the lesson you learned from your sweet little friend and apply it to life. I too shall become more aware of how I react and what reactions I may cause. Thank you for this little tidbit of insight. ~ Lee
I totally agree with this. I take calls and sometimes people sound gruff and tough on the phones and I use my sweet voice and they soften.
I love how you approached this...I felt as though I were being gently stroked, without aggression or bluster.
Beautiful photograph too. Me likey.
I think this is the same situation I had with my kid when he was little...