Tuesday
Dec252012
Just Call Me Fatwife
Tuesday, December 25, 2012 
SCHMUTZIE: Wow. I got fatter in only two days. I hope you don't mind having a fat wife.
PALINODE: Not at all.
SCHMUTZIE: You answered that wrong. It's like you just agreed that I'm fat.
PALINODE: Oh.
SCHMUTZIE: See, you responded all wrong again. It supposed to be that I say I'm fat, and then you say I'm not fat, but that you would still love me if I was.
PALINODE: Oh, right. You're not fat.
SCHMUTZIE: That was very convincing.
PALINODE: Right, and I would still love you if you were fat, Fatwife.
SCHMUTZIE: Did you just call me fat?
PALINODE: No. I called you Fatwife. It's one word. In fact, it's your new name.
SCHMUTZIE: Really.
PALINODE: Yes. It has nothing to do with your being fat, though. It's just a name. Do you mind if I call you Fatwife?
SCHMUTZIE: Actually, yes.
PALINODE: It's sad that you don't like your own name, Fatwife. It's going to be hard to refer to you if you won't let me say it.
SCHMUTZIE: You're lucky I still love you as much as I do.
PALINODE: I love you, too, Fatwife.
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You know that parasitic infection that makes us like cats? Sometimes I think that's how marriage works.
Love,
Reader Comments (18)
hahahahahahaha!!! Love it. Your interactions are similar to mine with my husband. :)
Now THAT is love.
Ha ha, that's so cute. Boys! At least he made his insensitive gaffe funny!
You guys rule.
Real, and very very cute...
He's hilarious. And I love your beautiful Fatwife signature.
I used to work with 2 ADULT MALE TYPE GUY PEOPLE who would always refer to each other as fat. They worked in different locations, so there were a lot of phone calls where they would spend the first few minutes saying "You are so FAT," and "I may be fat, but you are really, really fat." Men. They're all 10 years old at heart.
That sounds exactly like a conversation that would happen at my house! I love it!
Oh the poor men, they do the best they can, don't they?
Love it. The real question is what *his* new nickname is.
Observacious, GOOD QUESTION.
Have you purchased fatwife.com yet?
Yes, do tell, what is his new name? ThickMan?
Amanda, I've been tossing a few around, including StoutSpouse, HuskyHusband, and BovineBeau.
Are you certain he wasn't saying "phatwife"?
Love your new signature. heh
I fucking love you.
Hah! Elan -- this post totally cracked me up. I kiss my partner's belly every night and say "night night baby" ... He has a good enough sense of humour to indulge me in my funniness :)
Ridiculously adorable! Love it :)