Monday
Dec242012
Happy Holidays? Not for All of Us, and That's Okay.
Monday, December 24, 2012 
This seasonal foofaraw — feel the peace, joy, and love, goddamnit! — does not lend itself to clear vision. It's easy to think that our inability to make a complete foundational shift during an imposed holiday is our own fault rather than it just being the reality that we are human beings whose existences don't bend around the commercial and religious calendars. It's not our fault, though. It's actually completely unreasonable to demand this of ourselves.
I'm all for reasonableness. I'm all for preserving our full range of emotions. Not a fan of Christmas? Me, either! Does gift giving feel obligatory and excessive to you? Me, too! Do family gatherings have you breaking out the anxiety meds? Of course! Christmas can shine a pretty harsh light into dark corners.
The holidays can be a hard time for some of us, being that it presents us with difficult situations regarding our relationships, finances, and basic constitutions. I'm an introvert who is given to anxiety attacks when buying gifts and who wobbles between peace/love and grief/despair, for instance. I want you to know that it's normal to be who you are, that you're not bad just because you might feel bad, and, if it helps, what's left of this holiday season is brief.
Personally, I'm dreaming of the joy of July to make it through the hard parts, and I'm embracing the love I can when I can. I'm letting myself eat and make merry when it's good, but I'm also letting myself retreat into back rooms to play Scrabble on my iPhone when it's not so good. I am deeply grateful for the love in my life and the peace I've found, but I can't pretend it's all warmth and light, and that's okay.
You and me? We're good. We really are.
From me to all of you who find this season difficult, happier holidays. I got your back.
categorized in health and tagged in Christmas, depression, seasonal depression
health and tagged in Christmas, depression, seasonal depression 
Reader Comments (14)
Love this, thank you. You know me, I'm usually not an introvert, but this year, I just want to hide in my house and not see anyone. XOXO
This is such an important piece, lovey. So many people struggle, particularly at this time of year, when it's supposed to be all bright and cheerful...but they're not feeling it.
Wishing you peace for your heart, wherever you may find it - be it in a room full of family or in the cozy cave of blankets in your bed, iPhone in hand.
Wishing you love, during this and every season.
"Do family gatherings have you breaking out the anxiety meds?" Love it. You rule.
Thanks, Schmutzie. Things are hard and getting harder. So good to hear this from someone else that's not me.
I was going to quote back to you the parts of this post that I could say ME, TOO to, but turns out it's ALL OF IT.
I'm with ya, lady. Completely.
The thing I'm most looking forward to is bringing cookies over to some ladies tomorrow morning, most of whom are prostitutes and/or drug addicts. All of them have such a hard time with this time of year and I'm looking forward to making their morning a little bit brighter. :)
Mrs. Wilson, you're busy kicking ass this season, I see :)
Thanks for the reminder that I am not as big of a freak as I feel. Happy holidays.
I kind of want to kiss you on the mouth for this post.
Schmuztie-- you've helped me get through another sometimes wretched year, with your insistence that I'm not the only Fruit Loop in the box. Thank you. Oh-- and Merry Christmas to you and yours. July is coming.
I feel more light than dark... but that little bit of dark does creep in at the unexpected moments for me.
Thanks again lady. So far this season, I've been made to feel guilty about A. The very minimal amount of gifts I've bought for my sons (1 practical gift each), B. The price of the few gifts I've purchased (expensive, because I prefer quality over quantity and have to ensure bothersome things like fair trade and decent conditions for the people who make the things I buy), C. Not being totally bummed out about my kids being at their dad's this year, and D. Letting my kids be kids when I did have them.
The holidays can create some pretty unreasonable ideals in people's minds, and they don't care for it when you don't live up. Oh well, they can stuff it.
Anyway, merry hoho to you and yours :)
The silly season doesn't have clear vision but you do - love your take on life, love, the universe. You rock, gurl!
Thank you for saying the things that people prefer not to hear, the things that people don't want to know are real.
Yes, the holidays are hard--and why do we, are we, made to feel shame that it's not all smiles and hugs and blissful sighs, arms around each other.
The holidays are work--I push through them for my children. But if it weren't for my children, these days would be almost impossible to just survive the 48 hrs that they are--the way it used to be for me, before my children were born.
Thank you, Schmutzie
This post nearly made me laugh out loud. At about 8:00 am on Dec. 26, as I was shoving the Christmas Tree out the back door, I was thinking "now THIS is my favorite part of the holidays!"
We all think it. Thanks for being brave enough to say it out loud.
Thanks for being brave enough to say so many things out loud.