Thursday
Nov082012
You and Lucy and Me Make Three
Thursday, November 8, 2012
This is me in the glow of my new full-spectrum light lamp to try to help combat my seasonal depression:
Please overlook whatever is going on with my eyebrow up there.
I first remember feeling depressed as young as the age of three — I have good recall of my early childhood — and the depression always deepens with bonus anxiety throughout the winter. Or at least it used to be only in winter. Now my season depression starts in September and carries right on through to May. I panic sometimes that what was once seasonal might just stretch out over the whole year eventually.
I take vitamins B12 and D3, St. John's wort, valerian root for better sleep, and Rescue Remedy to quel anxiety. I limit my coffee intake and try to eat decently. I run a gratitude community to keep me mindful of good things. I work at this every day. Some days, it feels like unpaid labour with an unrelenting boss who won't let me take a vacation. Other days, I just haul my laptop into bed with me, avoid world news, and try to give myself space to breathe without heaping on shame and guilt for not being the glossy picture of profiled success.
I know that a lot of you also struggle with seasonal anxiety and depression, and I thought about you this morning while I snuggled up to my new light for the first time. I thought about how I am not alone and how there are things I am doing and can still do that will help me not only get through but maybe even overcome some of seasonal depression's worst effects. I thought about how good that light felt even on this first morning.
I'm thinking of naming her Lucy.
You and Lucy and me make three, baby. We may still have a way to go, but we're getting there.
Please overlook whatever is going on with my eyebrow up there.
I first remember feeling depressed as young as the age of three — I have good recall of my early childhood — and the depression always deepens with bonus anxiety throughout the winter. Or at least it used to be only in winter. Now my season depression starts in September and carries right on through to May. I panic sometimes that what was once seasonal might just stretch out over the whole year eventually.
I take vitamins B12 and D3, St. John's wort, valerian root for better sleep, and Rescue Remedy to quel anxiety. I limit my coffee intake and try to eat decently. I run a gratitude community to keep me mindful of good things. I work at this every day. Some days, it feels like unpaid labour with an unrelenting boss who won't let me take a vacation. Other days, I just haul my laptop into bed with me, avoid world news, and try to give myself space to breathe without heaping on shame and guilt for not being the glossy picture of profiled success.
I know that a lot of you also struggle with seasonal anxiety and depression, and I thought about you this morning while I snuggled up to my new light for the first time. I thought about how I am not alone and how there are things I am doing and can still do that will help me not only get through but maybe even overcome some of seasonal depression's worst effects. I thought about how good that light felt even on this first morning.
I'm thinking of naming her Lucy.
You and Lucy and me make three, baby. We may still have a way to go, but we're getting there.
categorized in health and tagged in Seasonal Affective Disorder, anxiety, depression, health, mental health, seasonal depression
health and tagged in Seasonal Affective Disorder, anxiety, depression, health, mental health, seasonal depression 
Reader Comments (14)
I've spent the past 2 weeks holed up in my studio apartment, not wanting to get up or face the world in any way, shape, or form. It didn't help that my student teaching internship is indefinitely on hold while my school tries to get back up from Hurricane Sandy. With no obligations in the world, it's been real easy to avoid "Lucy."
This morning I remembered I had a class this afternoon, and I forced myself up out of bed. I actually ate a decent meal, and I went to a well-lit area to get some work done. It was really great to see "Lucy" again, and really great to read this post. :)
I hope you'll continue to keep us informed on how well Lucy helps to get you through. I am living in the central Plains now having just left sunny and warm Florida. I'm about to experience my first winter in over 20 years and I'm honestly scared that my usually mild seasonal depression will be so much worse! My husband and I have joked about buying me a light but we all know it's serious stuff we deal with. Good luck!
The dark nights make me feel miserable, hope Lucy helps you. Also love your gratitude project. Sending this from my new iPhone which makes me happy:)
I have my very own Lucy. I love her so--and I really regret it when I fail to get together with her at least once a day. I can really tell when I've skipped hanging around with her.
I think Lucy is a great name for a lamp. Especially one that lightens the load. Very pleased to learn you've found Lucy enlightening! (and, all these L-words leave me feeling lucky to know good folks like you through social media locales).
Hope it made you smile, at least. :)
The time change has tremendous effects on us up here in the PNW. I try to make sure I get outside in the fresh air for 20 minutes everyday...and not just from Building A to my car to Building B, but straight up get the thick coat on and get out in it. It makes a huge difference for me (and my kids). I will be following you and Lucy.
i have SAD and it starts at halloween and lasts till new years, thank god im in los angeles or it would last longer! i work 2am-9am and although leaving work in the sunny morning helps a great deal, i have to sleep 10am to 5pm the days i work. waking up at 5pm and having it be dark already is really hard. i take meds for my depression, but it doesnt help SAD. good for you and Lucy!! i am doing everything i can to stay positive for this slide into 2013.
The world isn't providing enough light on its own and so you go get some for yourself...love it.
Keep pushing the darkness to the side. xoxo
Oh, I'd love a Lucy update in a few weeks too. I'm toying with getting my own. SAD comes on hard for me every year. Last year, we were away and only stopped in places with sun and it was SO much better. I'm worried about how much worse this year might be as a result. So let me know how it's going please? Maybe I'll run out and get Lucy's bff...Ethel. ;)
I'm sure we share the same weather—there's only been 5 hours of sun in Winnipeg since mid-Oct! http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/manitoba/story/2012/11/06/mb-sunny-cloudy-sad-manitoba.html
I rented a Lucy a few winters ago—they're pretty sunny! And may I recommend gummy Vitamin Ds & Bs? They're just a little more fun ;)
I've suffered a few bouts of depression over the years including post partum that bit me in the proverbial ass AND I ignored for far too long. In the past few years I realized that I also "enjoy" the flip side of depression's coin, anxiety.
Like you I manage it by getting enough sleep and exercise plus supplements. Vitamin D has been a big help.
I think for me it's more genetic - I come from a long line of women who suffered from depression and anxiety. Luckily I think the trajectory has been shifted with my daughter as her personality set point is happy.
I'm struggling. I was just standing at the sink crying for no particular reason. The combination of missing Goldie so much and the dark and work weirdness and my beloved banana tree dying seems all too much. I'm seriously considering going the pharma route and seeing if I can get some of my life back.
I think I've been feeling the effects of the time change this week. More lethargic, distracted and anti-social.
I've always wanted a Lucy! I hope she makes winter more bearable for you and I'll be interested in hearing if she makes a difference or not.