Three Things Wrong With Today

1. I have a cold, and my entire body is weak as a noodle, and that noodle is also a terribly hurty and whiny noodle who needs to be tucked in and given tea and told she is very, very special, because her face looks really old when she's aching and sick, which is depressing, and she's pretty sure the world doesn't like her very much, and this is no time for bucking up, not when there's so much sad-making to be done.


2. Also, this introvert spent three days straight being an extrovert — seeing old friends, speaking at a conference, hanging out with toddlers who like to jump up and down loudly on giant bubble wrap — and, WOW, I am some hothouse flower of an introvert or something, because I am right at this moment working on my floorplans for my own remote, underground bunker. Anyone with communication skills more complex than my cats' set of meows and occasional pawing is not allowed.


3. I couldn't figure out what smelled like cat urine on this bus, but it seemed to be right near me, so I sniffed my way around the couple of seats I've commandeered — I moved from my purse to my coat to a diet Coke bottle, all which came up smelling pretty average for themselves — and then I decided to pull the paper cheese biscuit bag out of my garbage and check it out, even though that would be ridiculous, right? Because I had just bought that biscuit not 20 minutes before, and I would have noticed it, right? Well, apparently not, because the cheese biscuit bag wreaked of cat urine. Now all I can think about is how that cheese biscuit I ate was really a cheese and cat urine biscuit, and it's inside me right now. INSIDE ME.
   
   Would I like a little feline urine with my biscuit? Don't mind if I do. If it's not glowing in the dark, I'm not having it! Down with ammonia-poor diets!

Comments

[Rainbow Motel]

See how positive you are about eating a pee biscuit? I admire your strength. And your cast-iron stomach.

[Heather]

I'm a hurty noodle today too. At least I didn't eat cat pee.....that I know of.

[Redneck Mommy]

I hear pee biscuits cure the common cold so you should technically, wake up feeling better than ever. If not, come to my house and join me as I die from the zombie virus.

[Sandra]

Pee biscuits...ew...

[allison]

Sometimes when I buy a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store I think I smell a child with a full diaper on the way home (and my kids are 9 and 12 and quite continent at this point). It's just olfactory weirdness. That's what I'm telling myself.

[magpie]

funny. i feel like i just spent three days being an extrovert too. wow, it's HARD. i was so happy to walk into my empty house afterwards.

[Pgoodness]

I got nuthin'

Cat urine is my kryptonite.

[Jacinta]

Dear Schmutzie,
There was no pee in the biscuits, none at all. The cold is screwing with your nose just as it can screw with your taste buds (which we'll ignore at the moment for the sake of this argument). So don't worry! Have more tea!

[Stubblejumpin Gal]

I recently reacted much like you have, to several young children in my house for a day. I did not handle it well at all, and had to get away more than once, and just about pulled my hair out a couple times. Kids are sweet and loveable, but when you're not used to them it takes time to adjust to the ... activity. My hubby thought I was quite the villain though: "You only like kids baked in a pie," he said.

[akaLaverne]

I have to hold my nose because you are going to make me snort and the laughing, the laughing... I need a moment... ok all better! I hope your days since have been quite, cat urine free, restful days that find you feeling better... It really did spud like a not so good day but the cat urine thing and the bunker (and I have kids... I feel your pain many days) just too funny!!

[Louise]

Thankfully - urine is completely sterile. There's that. Get well soon. And what kind of a host puts bubble wrap out in a room full of toddlers?

[schmutzie]

Louise, it was actually a lot of fun to watch toddlers bouncing up and down on their chubby legs. The glee was contagious before the headache hit :)

[Caissie]

P.P. Biscuit is my new pet name for you. It is a term of deep endearment.

[alexandra]

Oh, OH.

Schmutzie and the very very VERY BAD DAY. (cat urine biscuit not included)

[Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom]

Cat pee buscuit...eeww....but cheese....ooohh.... ;)

I like the "extrovert" part. That's how I feel too. And them I'm glad to go back home and crawl back into my little introverted bunker of safety. ;)

[Liz McLennan]

It's bad that the pee biscuit part *might* have made me snort-giggle, right? Funny piece, even through your misery.