Monday
Oct222012
I'm Going to Die from Salmonella Poisoning, Aren't I?
Monday, October 22, 2012
What happens when you leave three cats alone for the first time in their new home?
Or, to be more specific, what happens when you leave three cats alone for the first time in their new home and they've learned the neat trick of opening the freezer by themselves?
You are welcomed home from the Blissdom Canada '12 blog conference by a half-eaten chicken carcass, greasy drag marks across two rooms, three self-satisfied cats with funky scat, and the fear that your home is now coated with salmonella.
The moral of the story? Cats are giant dicks.
The End.
----------------------------
PS. It turns out that the juice from the thawing meat in the freezer somehow dripped into the fridge and hit each shelf on its way down, so we had to throw out all our food. The cats' evil genius just got eviller.
Or, to be more specific, what happens when you leave three cats alone for the first time in their new home and they've learned the neat trick of opening the freezer by themselves?
You are welcomed home from the Blissdom Canada '12 blog conference by a half-eaten chicken carcass, greasy drag marks across two rooms, three self-satisfied cats with funky scat, and the fear that your home is now coated with salmonella.
The moral of the story? Cats are giant dicks.
The End.
----------------------------
PS. It turns out that the juice from the thawing meat in the freezer somehow dripped into the fridge and hit each shelf on its way down, so we had to throw out all our food. The cats' evil genius just got eviller.
categorized in family & pets and tagged in Blissdom Canada, cats, chicken, food, pets
family & pets and tagged in Blissdom Canada, cats, chicken, food, pets 
Reader Comments (19)
That sounds icky. Your cats must have really missed you. ;)
Cats may be stupid but they are smarter than we are, it seems. How long were they home alone and HOW can they open the freezer or refrigerator? They certainly amused themselves.
Open the freezer? Wow. Those are smart cats.
Just last night, someone was trying to talk me into getting a cat. I said no, never again. I loved my cats, but no.
OMG GROSS. Also? Your cats are evil geniuses.
Wow. That's all, just wow. I can't imagine my cats opening the freezer; your cats are awesome. I think you need a webcam set up, to catch 'em in the act the next time.
Ack. I feared the same but in a completely different context: While breaking apart pieces of raw chicken to feed to lions and tigers (I had a an awesome volunteer job once upon a time) I noticed my gloves were leaking and raw chicken juices were seeping into my skin. I'm a habitual nail biter so of course my cuticles were just begging to become infected! Seriously, I sat in my bedroom for 3 days waiting for the symptoms (I hear they're bad) but nada...I've never been so grateful in my life.
Moral of the Story: USE ELBOW LENGTH RUBBER GLOVES to prepare lion and tiger chow. Or when cleaning your apartment with tons o' disinfectant.
Sounds like a good time to splurge on maid service.
Um.
That's really awful.
I think you guys should just move again.
Or become vegetarians. Immediately.
Ug. Yes they are evil geniuses ( genii?)(sp?)
My cats did I run through the glassware cupboard once.. Broken glass and bloody pawprints everywhere. Cats ARE dicks.
I screamed when I scrolled down to the picture. Which wasn't smart because I'm at work.
I think my eyes just threw up.
Oh man, I can't believe they actually did it! Worst nightmare!!!
Next purchase: freezer locks. :)
They must have had a meeting, and figured, "Hey, they left us in a strange, new place. They've been gone almost a whole day. They're never coming home. We have to fend for ourselves." Then, Onion said, "Hey, I know where they keep THEIR food. Gimme a hand with this..."
Not bad, for having brains the size of walnuts.
Mugician13, and now they have this weird idea that their cat food is beneath them. Luckily their walnut brains have not yet figured out how to deal with the tape we're using to keep the freezer closed :)
They have claws, you have tape. It's only a matter of time...
OMG I may puke.
Cats ARE giant dicks! GROSS! Why do we still love them? I'll never figure it out.
Heather, cats actually infect us with a parasite that makes us like them. True story: http://freakyphenomena.com/article/toxoplasmosis-disease-that-makes-you-like-cats
Mind control. I knew it! It's the only thing that explains why we let them sleep in our beds, eat our tuna and puke on every thing we love.