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Thursday
Jan192012
I Will Never Get Used to Saskatchewan Januaries
Thursday, January 19, 2012
It's been damn cold around these parts the last few days. When I woke up this morning, it was -44°F with the windchill with warnings about human flesh freezing in less than ten minutes, AND I JUST COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
I have been trapped in this apartment by extreme cold for three days, which is bad enough, but then both dryers in the laundry room broke, and we ended up with ice cold, wet towels, and I had completely had it. I'd so had it that I pulled at my shirt and screamed at one of the cats to stop meowing GODDAMMIT holy shit where were the matches so I could burn this whole world down.
And then I took a deep breath or thirty, and I layered up to get ready for a walk to a local coffee shop where there would be other human beings and maybe something akin to heat.
I wore leggings, a tank top, a wool sweater, corduroy pants, homemade wool socks, leather boots lined with fur, a wool coat, a scarf, a toque, and the giant extra set of crazy that every Saskatchewanian is outfitted with so that we can leave our respective homes even under the most ridiculous conditions.
By the time I got to the coffee shop, my lips were numb and my nose and earlobes hurt from the first stages of frostbite, but I was out in public where there was probably heat and wifi, so I was happy.
Except that there was no heat and wifi. The coffee shop was freezing and their wifi was down. GODDAMMIT.
After days of never being warm and having crispy towels and waning productivity, I kind of lost my relative shit and called up the Palinode to tell him that I was not ever going to go back to our cold apartment and that we were going to go to a hotel to hunker down in someone else's expensive warmth, but then I realized that I wasn't one of those high-maintenance people who spent tons of money on a hotel six blocks from home because she felt pissy, so I marched over to the mall where the Palinode caught up with me, and we picked up a portable radiator.
Fuck winter in the ear with a wire brush. We're going to be warm.
I have been trapped in this apartment by extreme cold for three days, which is bad enough, but then both dryers in the laundry room broke, and we ended up with ice cold, wet towels, and I had completely had it. I'd so had it that I pulled at my shirt and screamed at one of the cats to stop meowing GODDAMMIT holy shit where were the matches so I could burn this whole world down.
And then I took a deep breath or thirty, and I layered up to get ready for a walk to a local coffee shop where there would be other human beings and maybe something akin to heat.
I wore leggings, a tank top, a wool sweater, corduroy pants, homemade wool socks, leather boots lined with fur, a wool coat, a scarf, a toque, and the giant extra set of crazy that every Saskatchewanian is outfitted with so that we can leave our respective homes even under the most ridiculous conditions.
By the time I got to the coffee shop, my lips were numb and my nose and earlobes hurt from the first stages of frostbite, but I was out in public where there was probably heat and wifi, so I was happy.
Except that there was no heat and wifi. The coffee shop was freezing and their wifi was down. GODDAMMIT.
After days of never being warm and having crispy towels and waning productivity, I kind of lost my relative shit and called up the Palinode to tell him that I was not ever going to go back to our cold apartment and that we were going to go to a hotel to hunker down in someone else's expensive warmth, but then I realized that I wasn't one of those high-maintenance people who spent tons of money on a hotel six blocks from home because she felt pissy, so I marched over to the mall where the Palinode caught up with me, and we picked up a portable radiator.
Fuck winter in the ear with a wire brush. We're going to be warm.
Reader Comments (20)
Effing cold here in Edmonton too, I am freezing my ass off all day and night. I wore ski socks and boots with my suit today. And sweaters. And kept my coat on inside. Cant type with gloves or would do that too. Why oh why wasnt I born in Jamaica?
Dude, you look like you're about a million feet tall in that picture!
And I'm sitting outside right now as I type this and it'd 53° or 11.666667°C. <--Had to look that one up. :D
"it'd" = "it's"
And THAT is what I get for making fun of cold people. *sigh*
Colder than a witch's refrigerator, you could pee ice cubes, freeze your balls off, and colder than the last man's ass on a toboggan.
Like that?
Ugh. That apartment is cold when it's cold, and hot when it's hot. Never a happy medium. We always put plastic on all the windows in the winter to keep the wind out, but that wasn't always perfect either. Hope the big chill ends soon!!!
I think I love it when you write about the cold. It's stinking hot here in Cairns and I'm trying to resist putting on the aircon. I remember cold winters, I do. Sometimes every once in a while, I think I'd like to go home to Canada during winter to experience one again, and then I come to my senses.
Hope your new radiator brings plenty of warmth to your home.
Hahaha! I love your post. It makes me laugh. I hope you'll be warm now with that radiator. :)
I've used this metaphor before but when I read this it's like watching a horror movie and jumping out of my seat and saying RUN RUN GET OUT.
Flee!!!
I honestly feel AFRAID when you discuss this weather.
But then I take a step back and realize that humanoids--Neanderthals or somebody survived the ice age and it kind of makes me admire our species. So I calm down some. But it's good you got a radiator because I'll bet LOT of them died without radiators and you don't want to be the one.
The heater in my car broke at the beginning of this snap. It takes an extra half hour to get ready in the morning because I have to wrestle the boys into their snowsuits before we go for even a five minute drive. Good times.
On the plus side, it's only going to be -20 next week.
Keep warm, lady.
THIS shit is a huge part of why I left Minneapolis. Tonight in Philly it is 35 F and people are complaining about the cold. Hell, I haven't even brought out my heavy-duty coat.
Winter can suck it.
Colder than a mother in law's kiss.
Electric heaters are a great invention. How come your apartment is cold? Central heating for the whole building or something?
I will never get used to Saskatchewan Januaries either. It's been fresh hell, this. Hope you are staying warm(er)! All I can say is god bless electric blankets.
We have freezers at work that are minus 80. If we lived in Canada, we could just store our freezer stocks of bacteria and DNA plasmids outside. I don't like that idea.
Yeah for the new heater!
I am so grateful for the person who invented space heaters. It's what saves my sanity in the winter. My house is old and could use more insulation to help out my old heater. It's not nearly as cold here as it is where you are but still......weather is all relative.
Oh, you poor thing! Come and live in Dorset, where the Winters are more bearable. I've got both kitchen windows open an inch or two, even! Sending you what warmth I have. XX
I hate winter too and thank the stars for my wood stove every day, and it doesn't get nearly as cold here as it does there. When I was a kid we lived in North Dakota where the world freezes over for months at a time. I hate that kind of cold. I'm glad you got some portable warmth!
Reminds me of the winters I used to endure when I lived in Manitoba. It gets cold here from time to time in New Brunswick, but nowhere as bad as this...our winter unpleasantness is usually blizzards and freezing rain.
Man, I feel for you. Is that one of those *hi-tek* infrared heaters? You deserve what ever the hell gets you and your apartment warm. Seriously. I don't know how you do it.
-44º F?! Is that even a real number???
You may need more snuggling cats.
Sometimes I miss Saskatchewan. But not right now. Living in southern Ontario now, I don't have much need for my collection of space heaters. But a friend's furnace died last Christmas and they couldn't get a repair person to come for a few days. They were very grateful when I turned up with enough heaters to get them through it. I suppose I should get rid of the heaters, but I can't quite bring myself to believe that they aren't necessary in this climate.