25 Things Of Which I Am Afraid

See also my subsequent list, "25 Things That Make Me Feel Brave".


Bonus extra fear: what's under every manhole cover I step on.

1. I am afraid that we are just as smart as we think we are.
2. I am afraid that, when I finally do go to a dentist, they are going to have to do something, anything, to my teeth and/or gums.
3. I am afraid that I will die by freak electrocution if I bathe during a rainstorm.
4. I am afraid that I will have to spend my elder years living in a tent without electricity because we killed the earth.
5. I am afraid that something might be in my closet when the door is closed, but I feel insecure, as though I need to batten down the hatches, when the door is open.
6. I am afraid that I might be the only one who loves this hard.
7. I am afraid that, when I give blood, the little finger-pricker thing will be missing its spring and will stab me in the bone again like that one time in 1995.
8. I am afraid that I might not have my words when I need them.
9. I am afraid that there might really be ghosts in my apartment, and I just can't see them.
10. I am afraid that the Palinode will die before we have a chance to get very old together.
11. I am afraid that I will die before the Palinode and I have a chance to get very old together.
12. I am afraid that I will run out of my allotment of near death experiences.
13. I am afraid that I will get cancer again, because I had it too easy the first time.
14. I am afraid that, because my apartment building is old, I could fall through the floor into the basement at any moment.
15. I am afraid that I will never have a really restful, comfortable sleep again in my life.
16. I am afraid that I will never be great.
17. I am afraid that I will die in a plane crash.
18. I am afraid that I will become one of those old people who ends up forgotten and eating cat food until someone finds her body months later because I had no children.
19. I am afraid that someone will shut down the internet.
20. I am afraid that I will somehow end up unconscious in the hospital, and someone will decide to give me penicillin, and I will die before ever regaining consciousness.
21. I am afraid that I will never write books.
22. I am afraid that, if I do write books, they will be terrible, and I will look back on them years later with shame.
23. I am afraid that my adult acne will never go away, and I will be the only eighty-year-old still using zit cream.
24. I am afraid that I might be dysfunctional for not feeling sad about the inevitable lessening of the mass production of paper books.
25. I am afraid that, because my concern about my recent addiction to Thirtysomething on Netflix outweighs my nostalgic fear about the state of books, I am much more dysfunctional than I fear.

Comments

[frelle]

a brilliant, funny, varied, and vulnerable list.
no, you're not the only one that loves this hard. and yes, you are already great.

[Issa]

#6...girl you are not alone. I fear this every day. Yet I keep loving this hard anyway.

I am afraid of many of the same things. I'm afraid to even make a list like this, because the writing it down could make it happen.

On #20, maybe get a bracelet? An I'm allergic and will die from this bracelet.

[moesma]

Great list--very comprehensive. I like to keep mine vague and use broad categories as catch alls: I am afraid of a horrible death...etc. But you are making me realize it is better to get down into specific details--like the finger pricker thing. It makes me realize REAL fear is not abstract at all.

Most of my fears tend to be about things happening to other people except I'm afraid I suck, totally. But I fear the ultimate reckoning!

[abigail.road]

We have much of the same fears. #10 and #11, I worry about way too much. Also, regarding #9, I have some stories.

[Kim]

I have many of the same fears. And not that the words of others can allay them, but 24 does not make you dysfunctional and you are already pretty great.

[Rhonda]

I am afraid my kids and dogs will eventually kill me and that I will never quit smoking. Also fearing that I will be haunted by a violent spirit. And deathly afraid of house
Fires...

[Stacey]

I'm right there with you on the adult acne. It just gets worse every day.

I think many of these things would be on my own list.

[Nicole]

I keep thinking that I won't get pimples one day, but when is that day coming? Seriously, WHEN?

[The Blog Fodder]

Way too many things to worry about. Whatever happened to one day at a time?
I am afraid I could never make a list like that because I am too dumb to know I should worry about some things.

[donna lee]

I'm afraid I'll be the world's oldest woman who stil gets a period every month (I'm 54 and still going strong)
I'm afraid to walk on those basement doors that are on city sidewalks (the metal ones that open outwards)
I'm also afraid I'll get swept down a storm drain and drown

I'm not afraid of loving or being loved. It's what makes it worthwhile dealing with all the other fears.

[Joyce ELlen Davis]

I agree that you already are pretty great and that anything you write will be great. Several of my own fears match yours. I am afraid of being a widow and having to live alone (fat chance of this tho' as a have one grown son still living at home). I am deathly afraid of housefires, and carfires. I am afraid I will get Alzheimer's and forget who I am, and who everybody else is. I am afraid my cancer will come back. I am afraid of someday having to get false teeth....I am afraid of boring you with my list so I shall stop.

[Sue Robinson]

#21 is one of my biggest; that and no one will like it.

[eaglecrowowl]

This was even more compelling than the brave list, probably because fear is pretty damn compelling. The brave list was more heartening, but this got to me. I am afraid of being old and homeless do to some combination societal breakdown, earth degradation and personal fiscal failure. I started a little note book called the book of fears but I haven't added to it in years. I guess I forgot about it, which I think is good. But it's nice to remember it now, being happily neglected.

[erin margolin]

I just came from your other post about things that make you brave....and now I want to write something similar....but I don't know if I am as brave about as many things, and I am definitely afraid of waaaaaay many more things than you. But we share a lot of fears---plane crashes, never being great/writing a book....writing a shitty book...books becoming obsolete to begin with...the list goes on an on.

I let fear get in my way too much. If I can summon the energy to draft a similar post, would that be okay with you if I link to yours? If not, I totally understand. I've been suffering from bloggy burnout lately. I'm great at reading other people's stuff, but my own writing has dwindled dramatically. Ugh.

[V-Grrrl @ Compost Studios]

I am not afraid of dying; I am afraid of outliving the people I love most in the world.

I've had snakes in my house three times. I think that's enough.

I'm afraid of stepping on something creepy when I'm out walking the dog at night.

I'm afraid I've made bad career choices.

I'm afraid I'm not enough. I am also afraid of being too much.

I'm afraid of being old, fragile, forgotten.