25 Things About Which I Am Suspicious

1. The relative safety of really tall cranes
2. Large dogs with heavy chains for leashes
3. Thickly-accented customer care representatives who claim to be named Jeremy
4. Hard-boiled eggs that have that grey layer around the yolk
5. The nuclear family
6. Telephone calls
7. Statements that use the words always and/or never
8. So-called design websites with weblogs with generic templates
9. People who tell you that you can trust them
10. The competence of micro-managers
11. The perpetual bemoaning of negative situations to which one is not physically shackled
12. Religion
13. Products that mask household odours
14. The disruptive force of all our electrical gadgets on humanity's collective consciousness
15. What really counts as "dirty", aside from bacteria
16. Food cooked in other people's homes
17. A culture that appears to wax hysterical about pedophilia while selling thong underwear and padded bras to eight-year-old girls
18. Mayonnaise or mayonnaise-like sandwich spreads
19. Anyone who declares the impending death of personal blogging due to innovations in the social web
20. Strict adherence to party lines
21. The merit of shoulder pads in women's clothing
22. People who are overly complimentary
23. The judgy UPS guy who appears to shave off all of his body hair (at least what's visible)
24. Any statement that begins with the phrase "I am so over [something or other]"
25. The necessity of underwear

What raises your suspicion?

Comments

[Jane]

#7 - I used to tell my daughter "Always rarely happens and Never is hardly ever true." Obviously, I'm suspicious of those words, especially where they pertain to love, e.g., "I'll always love you; never leave you." Those promises are the bane of way too many bad love songs.

#9 - You can trust me.

#11 - But temporary or occasional moaning is okay, right?

#18 - French mayonnaise may make you change your mind.

#25- Did you peek in my nearly empty underwear drawer?

[Issa]

I love your #19.

I am suspicious of fat free cookies and ice cream. Of people with spotless houses. People who live without caffeine.

[Stefanie]

Love #7 We have a strict marriage rule around always and never. (eye rolling too, but I fail far too often at that.)
#17 Is genius and should be obvious but sadly isn't.
#25 Completely unnecessary. I own none.

[Rhonda]

Suspicious of:

-Country music festival-go-ers in Saskatchewan (sorry to those who attend and choose to be offended).
-Public bathrooms in some restaurants (the kind where there is no soap in the dispenser and an old and gross bottle of Soft Soap next to the sink)
-Uber-moms
-Those who "claim" to live an entirely "green" lifestyle (I poke fun at the eco-consumerists)
-100 km diets in a place like Saskatchewan, where we don't make our own cheese... I need to haz cheeze.

[Debbie]

The public bathrooms with the hand blowdriers with the big round button and no paper towels; because how can I trust that the person who touched that button before me did a quality job of washing their hands? And how am I supposed to turn the water off without grabbing up a fresh round of the germs I just washed off my hands?

[Mr. Saucy]

1. People who date my friends.
2. People who don't end sentences with prepositions (author of this piece excluded).
3. Sushi restaurants in land-locked places.
4. Quotation marks made with the fingers.

[Karen]

20- I have always called myself a Dem because it is the party I most agree with. I use that phrase lightly, since most politicians are full of shit. In the last election I for once voted for someone (Obama) because I was actually strongly FOR him, not just because I was against Mc Cain. (Election before that I was voting against Bush, not for anyone else.)

A week or so ago I learned of a Rep candidate, who sadly I don't think is doing too well, that if he actually gets the Rep support and runs against Obama, well Obama is on his own as far as I'm concerned. Mind you, I'm still all for Obama and should it be, say, Bachmann running against him, I'm voting for Obama. But the Rep Gary Johnson is pro legalizing pot, pro civil unions (marriage would be better, but I'll take what I can get.), and while he wants to do away with Obama care it's so he can replace it with something better that will hopefully have Rep support for once, etc. For being a Rep, he is almost the opposite of most Republicans. Which actually makes him a true Rep. Which sadly, is why he isn't getting much support from his party. *sigh*

What was also fun was announcing to my mother (who is very Rep) that I might actually be voting Rep this election. Her reaction was priceless. Then she read about Johnson and well, I think she'd rather Obama. Eh. Once again our voted will cancel each other out.

[Tracy]

The things that are popping into my head are: my ability to hire a contractor, people who don't fuss over the cuteness of my dog.

I agree with most of your list. Except, I'm a micro-manager...maybe you can make an exception and believe in my competence anyway? Trust me...

[Melissa A.]

Those pedestrian tunnel walkways they erect next to construction sites, that have those giant cranes to protects people from stuff that might fall from the crane. Ya...I'm not convinced that plywood is going to protect me against something falling from a bazillion stories up...like a crane.