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Sunday
Apr242011
Home Haircuts Are Risky Affairs
Sunday, April 24, 2011
I used to work in a hotel in town, and the guy who owned the salon there cut my hair for a staff discount. I liked him, because he insisted that I call him a barber, and he used to tell me stories like how he learned back in the 1970s that cutting hair while high on LSD was a bad idea. After I quit working at the hotel, he still kept giving me the discount, and I kept going in every month or so to catch up on the hotel gossip.
I should have been happy about our little agreement, because $20 is cheap for a woman's haircut, but it still bugged me to have to pay for such a thing. I will spend all kinds of money on stupid things like lattes and my latest addiction to peanut butter cookies, but spending any money at all to remove waste material from my head just irks me. Hair is like head poop.
So, back in 2006, I started cutting my own hair. After a bad home haircut or several, I tired of walking around looking like someone who used pinking shears to cut her own hair, which is absolutely what I was doing, so I invested in a set of electric clippers, and I haven't looked back ever since.
I must say, I do a not so entirely terrible job of it, and I really do love having very short hair, but there is one thing I have not quite mastered yet.
I am still clumsy with the scissors when I touch up the longer hair that the clippers leave around my ears.
This afternoon, for instance, it turned out that the tough lock of hair I tried to saw through was not hair at all. No.
As it turned out, I CUT THROUGH MY OWN FUCKING EAR CARTILAGE WITH A PAIR OF KITCHEN SHEARS.
Next time, I am going to ask the Palinode to help me out with that part.
Ouch.
I should have been happy about our little agreement, because $20 is cheap for a woman's haircut, but it still bugged me to have to pay for such a thing. I will spend all kinds of money on stupid things like lattes and my latest addiction to peanut butter cookies, but spending any money at all to remove waste material from my head just irks me. Hair is like head poop.
So, back in 2006, I started cutting my own hair. After a bad home haircut or several, I tired of walking around looking like someone who used pinking shears to cut her own hair, which is absolutely what I was doing, so I invested in a set of electric clippers, and I haven't looked back ever since.
I must say, I do a not so entirely terrible job of it, and I really do love having very short hair, but there is one thing I have not quite mastered yet.
I am still clumsy with the scissors when I touch up the longer hair that the clippers leave around my ears.
This afternoon, for instance, it turned out that the tough lock of hair I tried to saw through was not hair at all. No.
As it turned out, I CUT THROUGH MY OWN FUCKING EAR CARTILAGE WITH A PAIR OF KITCHEN SHEARS.
Next time, I am going to ask the Palinode to help me out with that part.
Ouch.
Reader Comments (14)
Ha! You were hoisted by your own petard!
And next summer, we're going out to get one of those cordless electric petards. That old secondhand model uses so much gas.
You are so beautiful :) Good job on the cut though!!
the hair cut, not the ear one :)
-sigh- you have great ears for short hair, well except for the flesh wound.
the ear is a small sacrifice for funky hair. :)
I have the same haircut - only mine is an overpriced one from the local hair salon because I could never trust myself with clippers. You are a brave, brave woman. Also, be careful!
OH! Schmutzie, be careful!!
I wish I could do this. I also pay $20, with tip. Yeah, it's a steal. But there are times when money's tight and I'd love to cut out that expense (bad pun).
I felt faint reading this. Wishing you quick healing and early intervention on your next haircut.
You look awesome with your short, funky hair. The bloody ear gives you edge and tells the world you are not one to be fucked with. :-)
My brother was big on the Flowbee for a while. It was hilarious to see him dragging my mother's clunky Electrolux vacuum cleaner into the bathroom. "Going for a haircut?" "Yep."
And this is why I'm afraid to cut my kids' hair!
It's like you offended your whole ear!
I shave my head with clippers and have been know to clip my own ear from time to time. When it happens, the worst part is that there's nobody to get pissed with except myself.
LOVE your hair! I've done it once and I'm tempted again! You look great ;)