I left my Saskatchewan city, dull and grey, filmed over in lumpy ice, and I was glad to go. It's an ugly place made uglier with each new development. It forces human detachment as a survival technique.
I'm not going to lie. I came to Mississippi with an agenda. I was looking to come clean a bit, scrub myself up. I felt an anxiety ground in deep like a fevered sweat.
Did you know that I'm funny? I'm funny. And these ladies I'm with? They're funny, and we've spent this entire weekend laughing our damn heads off. We laughed even when we thought the bumper was falling off the van and when we couldn't find where we were going and after the tears about the sad shit we can't always change.
And, as is my usual thing after connecting with my people, I have the urge to burn all my world down, commit a drastic general cleansing, and wander like a nomad, dragging my yurt behind me.
Last night I dreamt that I called some men to load up all of my furniture into the back of a truck. They took it all away, and I swept all my bare floors and sat down on the hardwood and revelled in how uncomfortable it was, because it meant that I didn't have to carry all that ugly stuff on my shoulders anymore.
It feels good to have these thoughts. It feels good to want to kick everything down. It feels good to be a scratched seed.
It's good to break open. It's good to want to empty everything out. It's good to write it on the walls.
It's good, it's good, it's good.
I'm going to miss these ladies in our Mississippi shack.