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Sunday
Dec042011
It's Good To Break Open
Sunday, December 4, 2011
I've been in Mississippi for a few days with a small band of merry bloggers: Deb, Laurie, and Jett.
I left my Saskatchewan city, dull and grey, filmed over in lumpy ice, and I was glad to go. It's an ugly place made uglier with each new development. It forces human detachment as a survival technique.
I'm not going to lie. I came to Mississippi with an agenda. I was looking to come clean a bit, scrub myself up. I felt an anxiety ground in deep like a fevered sweat.
Did you know that I'm funny? I'm funny. And these ladies I'm with? They're funny, and we've spent this entire weekend laughing our damn heads off. We laughed even when we thought the bumper was falling off the van and when we couldn't find where we were going and after the tears about the sad shit we can't always change.
And, as is my usual thing after connecting with my people, I have the urge to burn all my world down, commit a drastic general cleansing, and wander like a nomad, dragging my yurt behind me.
Last night I dreamt that I called some men to load up all of my furniture into the back of a truck. They took it all away, and I swept all my bare floors and sat down on the hardwood and revelled in how uncomfortable it was, because it meant that I didn't have to carry all that ugly stuff on my shoulders anymore.
It feels good to have these thoughts. It feels good to want to kick everything down. It feels good to be a scratched seed.
It's good to break open. It's good to want to empty everything out. It's good to write it on the walls.
It's good, it's good, it's good.
I'm going to miss these ladies in our Mississippi shack.
I left my Saskatchewan city, dull and grey, filmed over in lumpy ice, and I was glad to go. It's an ugly place made uglier with each new development. It forces human detachment as a survival technique.
I'm not going to lie. I came to Mississippi with an agenda. I was looking to come clean a bit, scrub myself up. I felt an anxiety ground in deep like a fevered sweat.
Did you know that I'm funny? I'm funny. And these ladies I'm with? They're funny, and we've spent this entire weekend laughing our damn heads off. We laughed even when we thought the bumper was falling off the van and when we couldn't find where we were going and after the tears about the sad shit we can't always change.
And, as is my usual thing after connecting with my people, I have the urge to burn all my world down, commit a drastic general cleansing, and wander like a nomad, dragging my yurt behind me.
Last night I dreamt that I called some men to load up all of my furniture into the back of a truck. They took it all away, and I swept all my bare floors and sat down on the hardwood and revelled in how uncomfortable it was, because it meant that I didn't have to carry all that ugly stuff on my shoulders anymore.
It feels good to have these thoughts. It feels good to want to kick everything down. It feels good to be a scratched seed.
It's good to break open. It's good to want to empty everything out. It's good to write it on the walls.
It's good, it's good, it's good.
I'm going to miss these ladies in our Mississippi shack.
categorized in general, writing and blogging and tagged in Deb On the Rocks, Jett Superior, LaurieWrites, Mississippi
general, writing and blogging and tagged in Deb On the Rocks, Jett Superior, LaurieWrites, Mississippi 
Reader Comments (20)
You are funnier than the devil. And gorgeous. And powerful. I ain't leaving this shack.
Sounds like you are having an awesome and much needed time away. Are those all iPhone photos? Because, holy wow.
Cheney, they are all iPhone photos. I love that little gadget.
you inspire me Schmutz! I'm going to Chicago with some very creative friends in April. Thank you for sharing your ups and downs. and your iphotos.
I feel so lucky to have spent this time with you. I am grateful for your friendship and your brain and for drugstores -- and how funny you, indeed, are. :)
Beautiful, beautiful post.
It does feel good, to want to kick everything down.
Holy F these photos are beautiful and inspiring. You three make Mississippi sound appealing.
Wow. Gorgeous. The photos evoke one thing (a kind of deep, earthy, ruinous, primal beauty) and your words another (lightness, happiness, freedom, unshackledness) Together they are beyond!
WOW. You do amazing things with the little gadget.
I haven't been to Mississippi since my Pepaw's funeral in 2001. There are parts of it that I miss seeing and parts that I don't miss at all. But those images tugged a little at the heart and made me think of all the visits to Pepaw's.
Laugh. Laugh and laugh some more. It's what keeps us healthy and young. Swim in all that laughter 'till your fingers get pruney.
Amazing, inspiring. I'm so glad you were able to do this.
It's great that I told you guys about not knowing I was funny until I wrote on the internet and internet peoples told me, and now here you are telling the internet that you didn't know you were funny until you met the right combination of its populace.
I've never met someone so charming and adorable as you, and I've met a lot of folk. I'm proud that we shared this experience. It was exactly right. It'll be exactly right again, too.
I love you. Thank you for what you lent to this whole experience.
GODDAMNIT.
I am so glad you guys had fun. I swear I'm coming next time.
Everyone you've mentioned, are bloggers I just adore. Their words have always been magic to me,and their writings have become very important in my life.
All these women you've mentioned: incredible human beings.
We are lucky to know them.
You, included, Schmutzie: you bring as much to the table.
I'm happy for you.
you didn't know you were funny? I only know you through this blog and *I* know you are funny. AND a kick-ass photographer. Someone who can find those perspectives with only Steve Jobs flat gadget as her tool is someone who has already broken down a lot of walls and ripped off her blinders. People who are trapped in themselves don't see the world from so many vantage points. Thank you for opening up our worlds in the process of opening up your own.
Holy CRAP. Did you take these photos?!?!
I had no idea you were such a fabulous photographer, Schmutzie. These are magic.
The photos are gorgeous. I need to start playing with my damn iPhone camera.
What a great group of ladies, all of you :)
That sounds like the most amazing time and I'm so glad you got to write on walls.
Gawd, what I wouldn't give to be a fly on the wall of that shack. I can feel all the love & kindred spiritedness (that's a word, right?) just from reading your words. It's good. xo