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Thursday
Oct132011
That Novocain Smile Says I DID IT
Thursday, October 13, 2011
I know that I've become one of those bloggers over the last year since I quit drinking, the kind who seems to turn every event into a deeply meaningful experience that changes my whole life, but I'm telling the truth when I do it. Getting sober means waking up, and waking up means that I am seeing things with a degree of clarity for the first time in my adult life. It all feels so big and meaningful. In a way, I'm a teenager again, and life itself has become this consciousness raising experience.
Anyway, this is all just apologetics for what I'm going to write about going to the dentist, which I will keep short, because it's late, and I still have to pack for Blissdom Canada, and the final episodes of my Thirtysomething binge aren't going to watch themselves.
I had years of being beaten down by an abusive work environment and depression and health issues and alcohol abuse and not doing what in my heart I knew I should be doing because it meant making grand life changes like quitting drinking, so when I finally had the courage to quit drinking, I knew that staying sober meant not just being courageous about that one thing but being courageous about lots of things, because part of my habit of drinking was my habit of living under the thumb of my fear. On top of quitting drinking, I had to do things like come out as a blogger and speak in public and own up to my part in difficult situations and go to the dentist.
I did my best to put off going to the dentist, but then my filling fell out the other day, and the jig was up. Fucking jigs. They're always up.
So, I had to climb another of my Everests, only this time I almost believed I could do it before I did it. All of my other Everests have been leaps out into abysses I wasn't quite sure wouldn't consume me whole, but this one I kind of thought I could do.
It's an interesting thing, this starting to believe in myself. I don't know what to make of it yet, but it's interesting. I'm almost starting to think that I might be ready to knock the training wheels off, but I don't want to get too far ahead of myself. I mean, I haven't even figured what my training wheels are yet in this metaphor.
But I went to the dentist! And I lived! And not only that, but I knew I would follow through with it, and I kind thought I would make it through right from the beginning, and now I get to eat chocolate again without electric fire ripping along my nerves for minutes on end, and all for the low, low price of 584 dollars. Why my dentist isn't dripping in furs and diamonds, I have no idea.
Anyway, this is all just apologetics for what I'm going to write about going to the dentist, which I will keep short, because it's late, and I still have to pack for Blissdom Canada, and the final episodes of my Thirtysomething binge aren't going to watch themselves.
I had years of being beaten down by an abusive work environment and depression and health issues and alcohol abuse and not doing what in my heart I knew I should be doing because it meant making grand life changes like quitting drinking, so when I finally had the courage to quit drinking, I knew that staying sober meant not just being courageous about that one thing but being courageous about lots of things, because part of my habit of drinking was my habit of living under the thumb of my fear. On top of quitting drinking, I had to do things like come out as a blogger and speak in public and own up to my part in difficult situations and go to the dentist.
I did my best to put off going to the dentist, but then my filling fell out the other day, and the jig was up. Fucking jigs. They're always up.
So, I had to climb another of my Everests, only this time I almost believed I could do it before I did it. All of my other Everests have been leaps out into abysses I wasn't quite sure wouldn't consume me whole, but this one I kind of thought I could do.
It's an interesting thing, this starting to believe in myself. I don't know what to make of it yet, but it's interesting. I'm almost starting to think that I might be ready to knock the training wheels off, but I don't want to get too far ahead of myself. I mean, I haven't even figured what my training wheels are yet in this metaphor.
But I went to the dentist! And I lived! And not only that, but I knew I would follow through with it, and I kind thought I would make it through right from the beginning, and now I get to eat chocolate again without electric fire ripping along my nerves for minutes on end, and all for the low, low price of 584 dollars. Why my dentist isn't dripping in furs and diamonds, I have no idea.
Reader Comments (17)
congrats. how long since your last visit? any damage? just wondering as i haven't gone for years ....
Oh honey, your dentist IS dripping in furs, and diamonds, and probably is a multiply-homed person. But s/he is just smart enough to keep all those trappings out of the office. Dentists. They're a sly breed...I share your fear of the dentist. Rather than have gum work done I got pregnant twice (can't do dental work when you're preggers, apparently), had a miscarriage, and then moved to the fucking UAE. Your example (almost) inspires me to have my teeth cleaned when I'm back in nyc at holiday time. Almost. I'll get back to you about this in early December. But thanks for the inspiration...!
Well done. I love the smile. If you ever need serious big dollar dental work done, come visit. Ukrainian dentists are pretty good and much more reasonable. Honest working people in Ukraine do not drip furs and diamonds.
I've blogged a few times this year about my dental issues. I'll have to go back for a root canal, it appears, at some point. The thought fills me with terror, but I'll get there. You'll be inspiration :)
Congratulations! I've been putting off a visit for the last two years. That cannot be good.
Wow, congratulations! I've been trying to conquer my fear of the dentist and haven't been making much progress. Had to have a filling replaced last week and cried through the whole thing! (And was so ashamed for being so terrified, which only made me cry harder!) Next time I hope to be able to be braver. (or medicated.) :-P
Anyway, good for you for going, and for doing so well! Yet another positive milestone that you've got under your belt! :-)
I for one am glad that your quitting drinking has really given you a new lens to observe the world through, and that you can make a completely engaging post about any small thing that the rest of us take for granted.
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You crack my shit up. You survived CANCER. You are basically a fucking superhero. But at the same time I know *exactly* that kind of thing. Where I can have a c-section and my guts ripped out and then be afraid to write an email to someone. Those hurdles we create in our minds are the highest hurdles of all.
I'm so glad you got that over. Dental health is important. It sounds like a joke but really it is!
(Note to self: Comic book where Superman is afraid to go to dentist. Would be so funny.)
Whoohoo! Way to go, Schmutzie!!
As a person who hasn't been to the dentist in so many years I'm embarrassed to admit it - I feel like I need details from a brave survivor. Come on' girl!! What happened? What did they do? Was it terrible, even though you had your brave face on? Haha, I don't think I'm the only commenter who is DYING to know the dirty details!!
I was wondering how that went. I had my own dental experience the other day, too. I thought I have a cavity. I don't. But I do need three, count 'em, THREE crowns.
If you need me, I'll be over here, whimpering in the corner.
I love you. That is all. xoxo
Please don't ever apologize for being a certain "kind" of blogger. You be you, babeski. Honest and true, and fuck the blogger labels, which are so condescending sometimes, even (and maybe especially) when we apply them to our own selves.
I know just what you mean. It's sort of like coming out of the shadow of depression, where everyday things like going to the dentist are met with "I CAN'T."
I'm glad for you.
I'm also jealous that you're at Blissdom Canada.
I love this post, because I'm in that stage of sobriety too (almost 11 months here). Good for you for going to the dentist! I too am terrified, but it's on my list of things to do anyway. :/
I hate the dentist, too, and I didn't want to go back EVER for a number of reasons, among them my wisdom teeth (so tired of hearing how they should be pulled -- they are FINE) and my stupid, discolored, chipped-as-a-youngster-and-fixed-wrong front tooth. But (and I invoke the children here) as I make my kids go to the dentist twice a year, I realized I was being a total hypocrite about it.
I went, I lived, I survived mucho discomfort, and my teeth and mouth are all good and healthy. We even fixed up that front tooth for a reasonable amount. Of course, I have to go back again in February, but I'm starting to realize I can't make my kids do unpleasant stuff (doctor, dentist, homework) without being willing to do it myself.
Also, this is brilliant: "Fucking jigs. They're always up."