Friday
May072010
Why Are Young Men These Days So Bent On Stinking Up The Joint?
Friday, May 7, 2010
I have a bone to pick with Axe, because Axe has turned goaty smelling teenage boys and twenty-somethings into potent chemical clouds. I don't know how they convinced so many boys that their brand of chemical stink was the way to go, but they did, and it is no less than evil.
When I encounter one of these chemical clouds, I quickly turn my head, inhale a big gulp of fresher air, and try to subsist on that gulp until said boy has passed and his wake of reek has dissipated enough for me to breathe. Thanks for wearing a really common and known allergen in a public space so that you can kick random people in the head with it, jerk.
Ahem, anyway ♫, I was recently shopping in a drug store for deodorant, which just happened to be in the same aisle as the entire heinous series of Axe products, and there just so happened to be an Axe customer and his girlfriend also in that aisle. The girlfriend looked like she was trying to pretend that her boyfriend wasn't seriously looking through Axe products while I uttered prayers in hopes that he would not sample anything.
BOY: What one do you think I should get?
GIRL: I don't know. Whatever you usually get.
BOY: What one do you like, though?
GIRL: It's Axe, Noah.
BOY: Yeah, but I want to use the kind that you like the best.
GIRL: Noah. It's Axe.
BOY: What? Are you saying you don't like Axe?
GIRL: Well...
BOY: But everyone wears Axe.
GIRL: Yeah.
BOY: And you don't like it?
GIRL: Well...
BOY: Well?
GIRL: No one likes it.
BOY: You don't like it.
GIRL: No.
BOY: So, all my friends stink, then?
GIRL: [She bit her lower lip and shuffled her foot.]
BOY: Great. [He cleared his throat and put the vile Axe container back on the shelf.]
She looked like she wanted to get out of that drug store as fast as she could, and, really, who could blame her? She had just been cornered into confessing that she thought her boyfriend and all his friends smelled horrible, and he was looking none too thrilled about this revelation.
Me, though? I wanted to high five her. I wanted to thank her for potentially turning not just one but a number of men into ex-Axe victims. She may have bettered the lives of not only those young men but all who must come into contact with them, saving hundreds and thousands of people from their chemical stench. I wanted to give her a blue ribbon for Standing Up Against Axe Awesomely.
I hear you, lady. Let's only hope your boyfriend does, too. If he tells two friends, and they tell two friends, and they tell two friends, we might all just make it through this evil Axe-ian cultural phase with our sinuses intact.
When I encounter one of these chemical clouds, I quickly turn my head, inhale a big gulp of fresher air, and try to subsist on that gulp until said boy has passed and his wake of reek has dissipated enough for me to breathe. Thanks for wearing a really common and known allergen in a public space so that you can kick random people in the head with it, jerk.
Ahem, anyway ♫, I was recently shopping in a drug store for deodorant, which just happened to be in the same aisle as the entire heinous series of Axe products, and there just so happened to be an Axe customer and his girlfriend also in that aisle. The girlfriend looked like she was trying to pretend that her boyfriend wasn't seriously looking through Axe products while I uttered prayers in hopes that he would not sample anything.
BOY: What one do you think I should get?
GIRL: I don't know. Whatever you usually get.
BOY: What one do you like, though?
GIRL: It's Axe, Noah.
BOY: Yeah, but I want to use the kind that you like the best.
GIRL: Noah. It's Axe.
BOY: What? Are you saying you don't like Axe?
GIRL: Well...
BOY: But everyone wears Axe.
GIRL: Yeah.
BOY: And you don't like it?
GIRL: Well...
BOY: Well?
GIRL: No one likes it.
BOY: You don't like it.
GIRL: No.
BOY: So, all my friends stink, then?
GIRL: [She bit her lower lip and shuffled her foot.]
BOY: Great. [He cleared his throat and put the vile Axe container back on the shelf.]
She looked like she wanted to get out of that drug store as fast as she could, and, really, who could blame her? She had just been cornered into confessing that she thought her boyfriend and all his friends smelled horrible, and he was looking none too thrilled about this revelation.
Me, though? I wanted to high five her. I wanted to thank her for potentially turning not just one but a number of men into ex-Axe victims. She may have bettered the lives of not only those young men but all who must come into contact with them, saving hundreds and thousands of people from their chemical stench. I wanted to give her a blue ribbon for Standing Up Against Axe Awesomely.
I hear you, lady. Let's only hope your boyfriend does, too. If he tells two friends, and they tell two friends, and they tell two friends, we might all just make it through this evil Axe-ian cultural phase with our sinuses intact.
Reader Comments (56)
When I was about 9 months pregnant, my THIRTY-SOMETHING husband walked into the room reeking of Axe. I burst into tears (sobbing!) because the stink immediately gave me a raging headache. He showered as soon as he figured out what was wrong with his crazy-pregnant wife and hasn't brought that god-awful stuff back into our home since.
My husband is the assistant principal at a high school. They were having a problem with the "Axe cloud" around freshmen. He told them they needed to cool it, to which they said "but the ladies looove it."
My neighbors are college boys, so I'm hit with the axe cloud daily. It's bad enough that I have to cover my nose and mouth when I walk down the hall. Granted, I have very little tolerance for any scents (migraines). Most colognes, and even a lot of women's perfumes, smell like melted ice cream and the sweat of a thousand frat boys to me.
This reminds me when I was a teenager...ahem...some years ago now. And the cologne of choice was Hai Karate. Because I don't have teenage boys of my own nor am I around them I'm not sure exactly what Axe smells like....maybe I'll check it out next time I'm in London Drugs.....wouldn't it be a hoot if it was EXACTLY THE SAME as Hai Karate?
I remember Hai Karate, too! Amazing the crap guys will buy into when you give it a cool name and some sexy marketing.
My 7 1/2 year old son takes karate. A lot. We're there at least 4 days/week. The teenage boys there... Well, no way to put it nicely: they smell like musty, smelly, dear-God-please-shower-NOW, hormonal teenage boys. What's worse? They add Axe to the mix. It's a living nightmare to the nostrils. Actually makes my eyes burn. I swear, they're creating smog within the walls of the studio.
What ever happened to Old Spice? Or Right Guard in Sport Scent? Those were things I could deal with. They were only smellable right on top of the guy, and they weren't that bad. The Old Spice was actually nice.
The Axe. Just. GAH.
Thank you for taking this important stance.
(Also. Um. Hi, from the cave from which I have emerged.)
Axe makes us gax.
here the teen boys don't use axe. it's imported, so too expensive. but they do have a substitute. it's fcuk. no joke. and it stinks.
I have a friend who's ex-husband washed the children's clothing in the same laundry load as some of his Axe-besmirched clothes. It took three washes for her to get out the scent that had transferred IN THE WASH. Gah. Axe scented toddler clothes. Disgusting.
Once again Schmutzie, you've hit the nail right on the head.
Why do guys only go for "clean" if they can smell like something called "Disco Thunder" or "Downhill Ski Accident"? Ever heard of something called soap. Just...soap?
Yea, I kinda miss Old Spice, too. I worked in a drugstore for a few years. The years they introduced Axe to the young male public. That aisle was filled with noxious fumes every day as young males tried each scent (they all smell the same to me-what I can smell through the sneezing). I tried to tell them gently that women like subtle but they weren't buying it. There's nothing subtle about teenage boys.
Marketing at it's finest, eh?
My bf uses the dreaded Axe, but he is very aware of my severe allergy to colognes and perfumes. He uses it in very low doses. The only time I actually smell it is when I cuddle up to him and it is so nice and soft, I don't mind. On the other hand, there should definitely be a law about the horrific way people bathe in the smells like pig pen.
I had a conversation about Axe and it's STINKINESS on the weekend. Me? I wear Old Spice. No, really. I do. Women's deoderant stinks almost worse than Axe.
I'm also super sensitive to scents. Old Lady Perfume? MAKES ME WISH I WAS DEAD.
I'm the mother of a 15 year old boy. Believe me, Axe is better than what he smelled like at 14.
Hells yeah! She spoke for all womankind in that drugstore.
I'm a 22 year old guy and I have asthma. I know how bad Axe can be. I don't use deodorant often unless I know I will be doing something that will cause me to sweat, such as outdoor chores or exercising, and even then I'll use something mild like Ocean Surf by Speed Stick. I do however use Givenchy's Play, not the intense one.
As someone who has developed a recent interest in perfume (mostly the history, marketing and language of it but also the scents), I have to thank you for this! I would also like to high-five the girlfriend. Good for her for saying what needed to be said!
I'm a woman and I don't mind the smell of some Axe brands. Their commercials are horrible, but I don't mind them. The way I see it it's better he smell of Axe than of sweaty curry.
I had a roommate who was a guy buy the axe shower gel plus the spray. Let me tell you the combo is lethal! We had a three bedroom house and as soon as he stepped out of the bathroom the whole house including my bedroom would smell. I'd try to hint at him with "hey you are suppose to bathe in water not axe!" He didn't get it.
my boyfriend came out of the shower smelling just absolutely divine the other day (instead of just smelling nicely clean). i commented that he smelled great and he said it was old spice! how can something that smells so vile in the bottle be so delicious on the skin? old spice is magic!
My brother was just about to buy some of this; I asked him, "are you really going to buy douche spray?" He was like what? I informed him that only douche bags where that crap and it stinks. Anyway, today I stumble on this, so I made sure to send it to him. Let's see if he reads the comments.
Blech, I had one year during a play practice that some of the actors and actresses had an Axe vs Perfume fight in the back. Needless to say it smelled HORRIBLE. Hey, I know... maybe that could be used for bombs now. Stink people out of hiding with the mighty stench of Axe.
Personally, the only male Cologne I can stand is Old Spice.
I honestly think it's the commercials for Axe that get men (especially young men) to buy it. The commercials market the product as some sort of magic spray that, when worn (on a male body, of course), will cause all of female kind's lust-centers to go haywire and they will be ALL OVER the man wearing it. Men see the commercials, and think it may help them get laid, or find a girlfriend, or attract the current girlfriend they already have. And this is probably a very subconscious thing; men probably aren't actively thinking "I WILL BUY AXE TO GET LAID," but it's probably in the back of their minds. And the more men wear it, the more OTHER men feel that they, too, must wear it - because if it's what these guys are wearing, that must be how you get the ladies. Axe's advertisements are VERY effective, and funny, and well-made. Even though I personally find them irritating, my boyfriend thinks they're hilarious (but he doesn't wear Axe).
Having lived in a co-ed dormitory, I can vouch that, at least at engineering schools, Axe actually does get used as a stink bomb. Guys would break the nozzle open, chuck it in a room, and pull the door shut. It got to the point where I would got up or down an extra floor to avoid walking through some hallways. I'm usually not fragrance sensitive, but I've developed a sensitivity to axe from sheer overexposure.
Awesome. I am allergic to just about every scented product, and axe was the bane of my existence through high-school. My ex wore axe deodorant - and dear god, it was just awful. And not just because it makes it impossible to breath. It smells like ASS!
Ugh, I know what you mean! I have asthma, and when I was in my freshman year of high school it seemed like all the boys in the class would just unload a whole can of Axe on themselves. To add insult to injury, at that time I didn't have a permission slip for carrying my inhaler on my person at school. There was one point where I couldn't get up for a good fifteen minutes after the end of the school day because of it.
As a teacher I am often stuck in a classroom with a bunch of adolescent boys who have just come from P.E. and all see Lynx (the UK version of Axe) as an _alternative to showering_ Ack ack ack!
Middle school in spring always equals smelly-smelliness with boys hitting puberty while not mastering the daily showering with soap habit. With the advent of the age of Axe, we are now bombarded with BO co-mingling with the Axe-riffic smell of alcohol and petroleum by-products. What was once a simple hygiene conversation about the importance of cleanliness, has now morphed into mass-marketing awareness discussions (which are necessary anyways) and not believing everything that hot girls in commercials tell you.
Curse you, AXE, for making my job (and breathing) that much more difficult!
It sounds a lot like you made that story up. Well done.
Thank you for your concern, "Concerned", but you happen to be wrong. I remember the incident in question quite clearly. Are you bitter because you are an Axe-wearer?
Two years ago I worked as a teacher. For two years they had me in a basement, no windows classroom. Right next to the makeshift middle school boys locker room. Sweaty boys too scared to shower doused in Axe. It became the permanent smell. I prayed for a dead rat in wall.
Sweaty curry. SLURP. sigh.
I happen to love axe =)
I love axe and use it even though I'm a woman. Maybe it just has to do with body chemistry because I HATE OLD SPICE. It irritates my nose, as do lots of womens' perfumes.
It makes me feel better knowing it isn't just me who thinks the stuff is vile. It literally makes me think of poor people when I smell it. Like clouds of chemicals are the only thing they can afford to cover up their stench.
I'm a guy & I agree w/ every comment on here. Its an freakn joke.
I bet whoever came up w/ Axe & their "pits to chesty" campaign got a raise, a promotion, & a corner office...that company is laughing all the way to the bank.
I can only hope they suffer the slings & arrows of the gather crowd of girls, women & older guys who are suffocating in the aerosol cloud of chemical funk.
"Axe get you laid." Yeah, by another dude wearing Axe, maybe.
(not that there's anything wrong w/ that...I'm just sayn:)
I know I'm rly OLD, but does anyone remember Royall Lyme? It was a 60's thing, and it smelled GOOD. I think the only place you can still get it is www.vermontcountrystore.com.
And Axe?? That nasty stuff arrived in my house along with my three teenaged stepsons. "Chemical cloud" is a good description...
Axe is called Lynx in the UK, it still stinks. Some of my friends are in their late 20’s and have only recently stopped wearing it. People need to be told.
I totally agree.
Ugg.. kids in middle school used to bully people with axe... You had to watch your back, else you get axe bombed -__-
Can't stand the stuff. Although I must say it is a good diet aid, my appetite just disappears when someone is wearing that stink. Of course some female perfumes are just as bad. Thank god where I work they have areas where due to respiratory conditions of the employees no heavy perfumey fragrances can be worn. (Ah the free air rooms).
My BF came over wearing it one day and I asked if he forgot to shower after working out, gratefully he has never worn it again. I guess he got the message.
My ex had the 'unique' smell of Axe, Tobacco, and weed. Blarg.
Artificial smellies are all unpleasant or, at best, are only appropriate for special occasions. Fresh sweat is actually quite a pleasant smell, and can even tell you things about your own or other people's state of health.
It's only the chemical companies, with their vested interest, that tell us we should conceal or displace our natural smells.
I once worked an overnight shift at Target, where we were resetting the travel isle. One of the travel size axe products was in a defective bottle, and ended up spilling ALL over my arm. I still had 8 hours left of my shift. >.<
I use good 'old soap and water..a woman I dated for awhile said I smelled good every time we went out. I tried body washes for awhile but they were very expensive and didn't leave me clean. Besides,our bodies give off natural pheremones as a secondary sex characteristic. Why cover it up? Stop buying Axe and use the money you save to treat your special someone to something nice..
My ten year old brother and thirty something stepdad wear it. Everytime either one takes a shower, the whole HALL reeks. And I'm allergic to it.
The biggest and most unfortunate issue to deal with in trying to rid the world of the Axe plague...tween & early teen girls. My 12 yr old daughter thinks boys who wear it smell, and I quote, "So hot!" In her defense, not only does she have adenoid problems, but she was raised in the Age of Axe, so I believe she doesn't know any better. Our best bet may be to use that stuff coroners wipe under their nose to disguise the scent of the bodies. Anyone know what that is???
My boyfriend wears axe. But for some reason it doesn't smell bad on him. He uses a tiny amount, and it DOES smell nice when it's used sparsely. But when it's gobbed on, it's a choking, disgusting cent that makes your eyes water. Nothing, imo, beats the smell of freshly washed clothes. I think that the smell of Laundry detergent is just subtle enough, mixed with a person's natural scent, to be just perfect. (: