Thursday
Mar182010
What's Up Schmutzie's Butt: Joe Q. Public's Opinion of My Hair
Thursday, March 18, 2010
See, I cut my own hair. I like to keep my hair on the extreme end of short, and a few years ago I was saving my pennies and spending $45-60 a month on haircuts. Every hair dresser I went to would ask me if I wanted them to "feminize" my haircut, by which they meant "keep it too long for my liking". I would say no, but they simply couldn't bring themselves to give me a man's haircut, and so I ended up hating most of my haircuts.
After I figured out how ridiculous it was to spend that kind of money on haircuts I hated, I multiplied that number by 12, realized that my haircut expenses equaled the annual income of many of our world's citizens, and I invested in a set of $26 clippers a couple of years ago.
Aside from shampoo, conditioner, and pomade, that is the last $26 I spent on my hair, and my wallet's not complaining.
I use the deepest one-inch attachment all over my head and trim up the edges, save for the very front, with the 7/8-inch attachment. It's nearly a brush-cut, but I always feel clean and fresh and damn sexy once I'm done, and it's become a tradition for me to call the Palinode to meet me for a drink after work so that the general public can absorb some of my awesomeness.
Invariably, though, someone from that public says "It looks good, but I like a little more length on it."
What? Seriously? I mean, really. I just cut my hair, I am feeling all fabulous, and you tell me that it will be another month before you approve of my hair?
Just like it took me a couple of years to figure out what to do with my hair, it's taken me another couple of years to figure out the public with regard to my hair, and the verdict is in: the public is full of assholes.
Joe Q. Public, this booger's for you.
After I figured out how ridiculous it was to spend that kind of money on haircuts I hated, I multiplied that number by 12, realized that my haircut expenses equaled the annual income of many of our world's citizens, and I invested in a set of $26 clippers a couple of years ago.
Aside from shampoo, conditioner, and pomade, that is the last $26 I spent on my hair, and my wallet's not complaining.
I use the deepest one-inch attachment all over my head and trim up the edges, save for the very front, with the 7/8-inch attachment. It's nearly a brush-cut, but I always feel clean and fresh and damn sexy once I'm done, and it's become a tradition for me to call the Palinode to meet me for a drink after work so that the general public can absorb some of my awesomeness.
Invariably, though, someone from that public says "It looks good, but I like a little more length on it."
What? Seriously? I mean, really. I just cut my hair, I am feeling all fabulous, and you tell me that it will be another month before you approve of my hair?
Just like it took me a couple of years to figure out what to do with my hair, it's taken me another couple of years to figure out the public with regard to my hair, and the verdict is in: the public is full of assholes.
Joe Q. Public, this booger's for you.
Reader Comments (21)
That would make an AWESOME twitter avatar.
heh.
I love your hair short. Don't change it. Then again, I love my hair short and someone *cough*husband of mine*cough* told me I'd look like a prepubescent girl if I ever went short again.
This was compounded with a certain daddy blogger who happens to carry around a backpack all the time telling me I couldn't pull off the look unless I wanted to be laughed at all the time.
Twits.
Why don't you get Palinode to cut your hair? I once tried to do it myself, and found it very difficult to "see" if the sides were even.
By the way, I just spent 20 dollars at "Fantastic Sams" for a cheapo haircut, and it looks terrible.
I absolutely adore short hair on women. It is sexy!
I've seen your hair in a photo or two and I love it! I think it is beautiful and I would love to have mine that short too. I started cutting my own hair a few months ago. I had waist length hair and right now it is shoulder length with bangs. I'm cutting it a bit shorter everytime...working my way to very very short too.
I love your hair! It's interesting and sexy and it suits you. What's MORE important, though, is that YOU feel fabulous when it is short. When will people learn that you can't follow up "it looks nice" with "but" without becoming a giant, puckering ASSHOLE?
I'm with Tanis. I would love to wear my hair short but the other adult (term used loosely,) around here seems to like mine longer.
I covet your hair. Wear it proud!
I hate arbitrary hair rules: no long hair after 40; don't go too short or you'll lose your femininity... If you can rock a pixie cut, by all means do.
I cut my hair super short every now and then. What I find fascinating is how everyone asks me "Why?" as if it's some sort of personal statement, when really, I just wanted a change.
I cut about 12 in. of my hair off this past weekend. It is short. My husband wanted to have sex with me immediately upon seeing it. Male software programmers at work told me they liked it - and I don't think those dudes even notice their own hair. A female coworker just asked me what my haircut is called so that she can ask for it because it makes me look so much younger and she wants to look younger. Short hair rules.
Your hair suits you so well that I can't imagine you with any other cut. When you showed me your ID picture with long hair, it just seemed wrong. Not that it looked bad or anything, but it just wasn't "you."
Anyway, you rock a hairstyle that most people are too wussy to try, so yay you!
Yeah, fuck those guys. Your hair looks good the way it is.
You've always been cute no matter what you did with your hair. I hate you. ;-)
And screw John Q Public and all those biotches that are taking classes at the beauty schools next to my workplace who judge my hair everyday.
Whoops. This is about you. Not me. *Deep Breath*
I love your hair.
you could look good with a shaved head. my beautiful friend.
You have a nicely shaped head. And it suits your features. I have a longish nose and a wide forehead under these bangs of mine, so not so much. In conclusion, it's not for everyone but you pull it off beautifully. Screw the haters.
I've had a few catastrophes when "thinning" and "texturizing" my thick straight stubborn hair, so I still go to the salons. But as I sit in that chair, the shorter the hair gets, the bigger my smile gets. Short hair is great -- it's easy, it suits most everyone, and to hell what my hubby thinks (men seem most always to want their wives to have longer hair). If he likes long hair so much, let him grow his own! Heh.
*flings a booger in solidarity*
Women with super short hair are women I want for my role models. There's an air of confidence and self-esteem that seems to go with the cut. Some days I just get tired of washing & styling my mid-life bob & I wish I had the nerve to go with a one inch buzz. Then get some comfy turbans to keep my head warm.
I love your hair, and you are very lucky that you can pull it off...I've tried going that short, and it just doesn't look sexy on me, like it does on you.
I have only paid for 4 haircuts in the past 8-9 years...I don't see why I should spend $ just to give myself a trim, and I've gotten pretty good at it, if I do say so myself.
Every time people suggest longer hair, you should say, "Really, because I was considering shaving it all off?!?" That should make them feel better about your current cut or at least shut them up.
Is it wrong that I find that picture of a Schmutzie with her finger knuckle deep in her nose adorable? That can't be right.
Schmutzie boogers! Schmoogers!