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Employment Counselling At The Deli
Thursday, September 10, 2009 Yesterday was the first day in which I enacted my decision to quit smoking. I will get more into that later, because, believe me, this decision is huge and necessary and important, but I quit, so yay me. Being that it was the first day I quit smoking, the universe saw fit to visit upon me a medley of pneumonitic symptoms including but not limited to a sore throat, dry cough, headache, weakness and fatigue, and shortness of breath. Again, yay me.
So, I commenced freaking out about my own mortal demise, because that's the natural progression, right? You quit smoking, and then you die immediately of related causes as some sort of cosmic joke.
At some point this afternoon, I realized that this was a pretty dark way to look at the universe. Of course, I decided that after the Palinode called to tell me that he also had a sore throat, which tipped me off to the likelihood that I was not indeed dying but probably just virally infected. One day I'll learn to have faith in both sides of the coin.
I had to laugh at myself for going so nuts on Day Two of Project Self-Control, because, it is only my second day without nicotine, and I have a lot more of these days ahead of me, so I can only imagine what kind of peace and joy is ahead of me. I decided it was time to go out into the world of the living and get a meat sandwich from a nearby deli. Colds should be fed.
The deli is run by this really friendly Italian family, and even though I don't go in there very often, they always remember who I am. The owner — who has a voice exactly like Joe Pesci's, by the way — asked me what kind of work I was up to these days while he rang up my meat sandwich. I told him that I had shot a wedding recently.
"You're a writer and you do photography?" he said.
"Yes," I said. "I love taking photos."
"You know what you should do? You should make it so the thing you love to do makes the most money."
"That would be a good thing."
"Do you want my advice?" he asked.
Now wait for it, because this is pretty good. I tend to see signs in what appear to be coincidences, and since I had just been working on some paid photo work before I came into the store, I thought I should pay close attention to what he had to say.
"Sure. What's your advice?"
"You should get into boudoir photography."
"Boudoir photography?" I just about coughed up the extra slice of capicola they had given me to snack on. I had never considered that my deli guy might ever be moved to advise me to take risqué pictures of people in their skivvies.
"Yeah. I don't mean any of that dirty stuff. You know, really classy like. People will pay lots of money for that stuff. You say 'boudoir' to them, and they'll buy it."
"I'll have to give that some thought," I said.
I'm not going to give that some thought.
It's not because I'm prudish about that sort of thing. I just don't want to have to train my eye on the boobs of relative strangers crammed into merry widows while they arch over satin pillows.
Plus, I don't own any satin pillows or a chaise longue, and the pillows on our bed are getting kind of old and flat. The closest thing I have to satin pillows and a chaise longue around here are my three cats and a ratty love seat, and that kind of thing just might give people the wrong the idea. It would end up looking like low rent porn with a hint of bestiality. My mother would be so proud.
Reader Comments (27)
Okay, you made me laugh out loud with that one, because I can totally see him saying that. He usually gives me advice on my love life, which is interesting as well. That dude rocks.
Carlo - or as a co-worker and I refer to him "Luigi Mulletino" - is a friggin' treasure in this city.
Shit, now I'm craving some nitrates.
OMG. You have to do it.
Wait. I mean, I have this whole closet full of merry widows and I've never known what the hell to do with them.
What I mean is... I think he's right. Can you imagine doing 'boudoir' in a way that was not 'boudoir'? The challenge of it would tempt me.
Stop. I don't mean TEMPT like TEMPT....
sigh.
THAT is awesome. And I shall strive to have a good day because of it. If things start to go to shit, I'll just think, "boudoir photography" and smile :)
I'd pose for you!
And I DO remember scolding you about those fancy cigarettes you had at BlogHer.
sweetsalty kate, believe me, I did consider doing non-boudoir boudoir photography edging into the absurd with props like antlers and taxidermy. It would make an interesting project, if not a career.
Neil, those "fancy" cigarettes I was smoking were actually the cheapest Canadian brand that I don't even like. I was trying to make smoking less enjoyable for myself, and it worked.
oh yeah! totally artworthy... Boudoir juxtaposed in very unboudoire backdrops... like... arching over the dumpster... or the fanny shot in the Mediclinic... oh lordy... i'd pose for you...
maybe you could get some funding...
I know someone (not me) who once paid $2500 for boudoir photos (I would never spend that kind of money), and I know there is a huge market for it. Kind of like weddings, but only more like the wedding night.
And I really hope you're not quitting cold turkey. Support system! Patches! Drugs! All good for making the quitting stick. It's not about willpower. It's about addiction, and about dealing with the stuff that smoking covers up for you and coming up with new ways to deal with it. (Sorry, I write about quitting smoking research a lot and can't not advise)
i did not see that coming... and he was on such a roll with the whole do what you love to make money thing....
lynn @ human, being, I am doing it cold turkey. I have a very supportive partner who quit cold turkey about nine years ago who can help me out, and I've put a few good habits in place such as never smoking at home for the last few years, so I have a fairly safe haven habit-wise.
Congrats on quitting! It ain't easy but it's worth it, you feel so much better (unless you have a cold). Oh and I have found that actually, each time I have quit (there were bunches), that I got sick immediately with a congestion hacking cough thing. Doctor said it was because your body thinks, "Oh, cool, no more poison getting pumped in? Cool, so we're gonna get rid of all this stuff that we've been holding onto." Some people actually cough upp black stuff (ack!) but I never did.
The career advice I get from strangers never fails to amuse (and ultimately, depress) me. I always think, "is *that* what you think I'd be good at?" The answer is no, it's not. It's their path not taken that they're projecting onto you. And for the record, I would make an extremely sucky airbrush nail artist. (That's a piece of career advice I've never managed to forget).
HI, I am new here. I follow you on twitter.
Anywho, that whole exchange in the deli is hilarious. I would not guessed he was going to say that in a million years!
Good luck with the quitting. I quit cold turkey about 4 years ago. You can do it!
You have the best deli in the world! How funny! Maybe he'll be your first client. #snort
I think you should do it. I'd be your first client and think of how great an advertisement it'd be if you made me look hot! But first I think I need to go for one of their spicy sandwiches...maybe it can be a prop in the photo shoot.
There is no way you could do that job and NOT be a smoker . . . so there's that . . .
Okay, so you DID give it some thought...but decided against it. ;)
And YAY, YOU! Every day you don't smoke, you're technically a non-smoker. Right? So, there you go. You're already one.
Yay, you!
The woman over at dailyrelish.squarespace.com has done some great "diva sessions" - sort of boudoir but more tasteful.
http://dailyrelish.squarespace.com/journal/category/diva-sessions
Oh, girl. Get some acupuncture to help with the smoking stuff....
What I find hilarious is the word 'boudoir'. It appears to come from the word 'bouder' which means to pout. Boudoir is thus the sulking room. Hee!
HAHAHAHA!
Oh my word. That is too funny. Was that at a deli with the initials I.S.?
I cannot imagine getting photos like that done. With my floppy boobs and ugly stretch-marked up belly? No way.
Was he looking serious when he advised you about going into boudoir photography? At least this "employment counselling at the deli" sort of helped you to forget about Project Self-Control for a time. Hope the project worked and you're done with smoking finally.
Darwin Jones
http://www.mylittlerockjobs.com