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How Do You Measure Your Creative Success?
Saturday, December 19, 2009 
I am driven to create things. I actually feel psychologically tortured when I am not working on some project or other. This is why I have my hands in so many little projects. My creativity's an itch that needs scratching. A lot of scratching. Like a drug addict picks scabs.
Lately, though, despite my writing for several websites, having written an entire novel last month, being nominated in four categories in the 2009 Canadian Blog Awards, photography, and crafting, I am overwhelmed by the feeling that I am falling short somehow, that I should be creating more. Always, I feel that there should be more. It makes me wonder at which point I will feel that it is enough. Will I spend my whole life chasing an elusive sense of creative success?
How do you know when you've been creatively successful?
How do you measure it?
Reader Comments (10)
Karen, thanks for that article. I'm off to google Carmen Herrera's art.
I'm not really clear what you mean by creatively successful -- in pleasing yourself or having a painting sold, like the ninety year old woman in the article. While it sounds good creatively to want more and to push yourself, you might want to ponder if this obsessive feeling you have is a healthy one. Why aren't you content with your output?
Neil, that's what I'm trying to figure out. I enjoy the process of creation, but when it's done, I feel somewhat deflated, even when I am pleased with what I created. I'm thinking that the fact that it's December might be playing a role in this.
love the new masthead... ninjas=frakkin' cool!
I understand COMPLETELY.
I don't think it's a problem to want to constantly create. (It's kind of like reading a captivating novel... why would I like finishing something I had so much fun reading?)
That's how I look at creativity. Some people treat it like a job and feel relief when it's over, and others enjoy the process.
Enjoy the process! You certainly are good at it.
Well, there are external indicators and internal indicators - what other people say or do or react in response to your process or output, and what you yourself say or do or react. Is one more important than the other? Is there something missing?
Interestingly enough, the cycle you describe reminds me of something I've read about in Buddhist essays. We continually go through a cycle of desire and fulfillment or frustration. When we have a desire, we pursue it, but once we attain it, satisfaction may be fleeting, and so we're soon caught up in another desire. So following that thought, I wonder if you've ever tried to slow down the process to consciously "notice" how you feel while creating, or maybe hyper focusing to appreciate the neat way your thoughts and hands create something. Maybe by "paying attention" (in Buddhist parlance), you'll notice the satisfaction of doing and completing more too.
But that wasn't your question, really. I dunno. This question has really got my brain intrigued. Must think on it some more.
Here's another thought: your lows are the other side of the creative highs you experience. I think it's partly expectation (what comes next?) and partly physiological (the let down after the adrenaline fades). I've felt something like that when performing. The greater the high, the longer it lingers, but then the deeper the low in terms of dissatisfaction and self-criticism. I've learned to be more reflective of experience, and that seems to help moderate the ups and downs. I have developed an internal standard I'm trying to meet as well as garnering audience reactions. Did the crowd have fun? Did I meet my own challenge of using new material in a clear and fun way? Did I talk enough/not too much? Were the transitions clean and easy to follow? Even if I do the exact same gig two years in a row, I have to tweak the program or it feels stale.
The contrast between creative highs and lows can be uncomfortable, but I think they have their place. After an output, one needs to reflect and recharge. It's a fallow time before you can move forward again. (Damn, just wrote another blog post.)
I think you have an amazing creative output. From my standpoint, simply continuing to work is a creative success! I guess maybe it's so easy for you to create, it's harder to see what your challenge is. Maybe your creative challenge is to reflect and appreciate your own work more? Speaking off the top of my head again...
Joy!, I do tend to rush a little through most of my projects and not take the time to savour creation, and I also tend to focus on the end goal without concentrating on the moment at hand. You have nailed two particular issues that I know about but continually overlook, and I need to thank you for mentioning mindfulness. I need this tattooed on the back of my hand or something, because it is truly the creative process that I find most enjoyable and fulfilling when I don't allow myself to become entangled in the expectations of a future that has yet to arrive.
I feel I'm being creatively successful when I feel that I'm pushing myself when I'm making, when I'm actively thinking about what I'm doing when I'm making. It is, in some way, similar to what Joy! says about being mindful in a Buddhist manner. Good creation is mindful work.
Now, that said, just after creation, I'm frequently disappointed in what I make, what I create. Oftimes, the end result doesn't match what I have in my head. I find that discrepancy disappointing. It takes a while to get over this feeling. BUT, if I put what I've made aside and come back to it with fresh eyes, I'm almost always pleased with it. I can remember the initial sagging feeling, but what comes with distance is the joy of "wow, that's pretty cool, and I MADE that!"
So, a question for you: why do you feel you need to measure whether you're creatively successful or not? Why is such measurement necessary? It seems to me like this might be the dichotomy of internal versus external validation. (And lest you think otherwise, I am very much familiar with this fight.)
I get this. I know this feeling. It seems that the only time I really feel good about my own creativity is when I'm really in a zone during the process of creating, when something is really flowing. Even "finishing" a project has a let-down feeling that comes hand in hand with finally having something finished that I can show people.