Friday
Jan162009
20 Things I Hate
Friday, January 16, 2009 I am not at my best today. I am having one of those days where nothing seems to go right. I ran out of toilet paper. I burned my mouth with hot coffee. I couldn't fall asleep despite how freaking tired I am. It's one of those days when it feels like reality is conspiring against me just to see how far I can pushed toward the homicidal edge.
20 Things I Hate
- I dropped my spoon on the floor and cat hair stuck to it.
- I am itchy in several places all at once, and they keep shifting around, which means that I can never scratch all of my itches to any degree of satisfaction.
- My cat, Onion, will not stop licking my water glass, which would make sense if he were trying to drink my water, but he's not. He just likes to lick smooth, cold things.
- Ibuprofen mostly kills my headache, but it doesn't knock me unconscious.
- I have a huge, boil-like zit growing under my right eyebrow that feels like a fresh bruise whenever I have a change of facial expression.
- I am fantasizing about pulling every last whisker out of Onion's face, because he will not stop staring at me.
- Hayrides are a stupid excuse for a social activity.
- When I pointed a camera at him to capture his vacant, stupid stare, Onion stopped licking the water glass and tried to lick the camera:
- I want greasy ripple chips with cream cheese dip.
- Newscasters go on and on and on about minute details that they can only see on footage from a distant aerial view of a firetruck, and somehow the television station thinks that I want to hear this babble more than I want to watch the episode of "Law & Order" that they interrupted.
- The light switch shocked me so hard that I felt it all the way to my elbow.
- Somehow, the hair on my head is managing to feel irritating.
- If I hate the telephone as much as I think I do, I should just cancel my land line. That way, I could skip the whole process that I go through several times a day of hearing the telephone ring, waiting for it to stop, and cursing out whomever hated me enough to dial our number in the first place.
- Pencil moustaches are unnecessary displays of lameness.
- Thomas Kincade's paintings are way too precious to stomach.
- I lash out at innocent bystanders like Thomas Kincade when I'm raging.
- I have a headache in my face.
- I can't see clearly, because the lenses in my glasses are scratched all to hell.
- My lenses alone cost approximately $250. Damn my blindness.
- Health advice for women over the age of 35 makes me feel far too long in the tooth.
What I have realized during the making of this list is that I am wealthy enough to have spoons, pets, running water, medicine, cameras, a television, a telephone, eyeglasses, and have access to health care, which are not things that most of the world's population can expect, which means it is quite possible that I am a terribly petty and ungrateful complainer. I also have hands with which to scratch itches, while the handless have to make do with their feet and furniture edges and maybe really smart helper animals. That's something.
Reader Comments (24)
I also have hands with which to scratch itches, while the handless have to make do with their feet and furniture edges and maybe really smart helper animals. That's something.
lololololololol (am I a bad person for finding the above statement wickedly hilarious?)
My Mom loves Thomas Kincaide and has tons of his pictures. Bleh.
But, sometimes it's hard as hell just to be grateful for the little things. I especially find hormones get in the way of finding even the slightest good. In anything.
This pretty much captures my mood today. Just substitute dog for cat and that's about right.
I hate to tell you, but it was probably me calling, 'cause I miss you. :)
Thomas Kincaide gives me indigestion.
Caffeinatrix, I thought so too. I'm cracking up at the mental image of a dog scratching someone's back... I'm not 12.
(((((((((((((((schmutzie))))))))))))) hang in there!
I'm definitely ready for tomorrow to get here.
(#13? You knocked the nail on the head.)
Substitute the word dog for cat and chalk up the headache to a day without the glasses that I need because I rushed out of the house without them and I am right there with you.
Actually, I think Kincade and Stuart Mclean die in a fiery auto accident. Soon.
Not that I know anything about that or anything...
Also, I pay something like 5 dollars a month to find out whose call I'm not getting. It is mostly the telemarketers that can bypass the do not call list, like newspaper salespeople and my Bank.
As well, I thought that you and electricity had reached a truce. Maybe you're over-exciting it, and might have to wear a finger burqa or something.
Sounds like you and I had about the same day. Hopefully tomorrow is better, and we love more, and hate less.
i hate urinary tract infections. but that's probably sharing too much.
I have the zit in all it's glory. I understand.
Isn't it intriguing how letting everything out in a rant laced with an edge of hostile humor) serves to remind us we're blessed in ever so many ways?
Hugs and blessings,
We must have the same prescription. I stretch out use of each pair of glasses as long as is humanly possible because of the ridiculous price of the lenses.
Tiddlypom.
Oh Hallelujah and an AMEN! to #1.
But then tiddlypom made me giggle and I felt better.
My current favourite rant is courtesy of you, Schmutzie: "Other people exist." Simple and elegant. I mutter it on those god-awful days and it usually makes me dissolve into giggles which of course makes everything much better. -Elsie.
You know? You have done fabulously with the 'Grace in small things" and I see no reason for not being able to bitch occasionally. It is a stupendous list of irritants.
Thomas Kincaide's paintings are actually painted by Thomas Kincaide's staff. The ones he paints himself aren't sappy. But still, I hate him.
Great Post . . . everyone has a list like that in their head, but you had the balls to say it. Next time I am having an annoying day I will have to do a top 10 - 20 list as I see it as kind of theraputic.
AND . . . it's not the fact that you made those statements . . . what matters is after you can acknowledge that you are being petty and . . . (I forget what you said).
Anyway . . . carry on my friend if nothing else this posting should remind people of what they have.
Heyo!
Agree on Thomas Kinkade. I lash out at him whenever possible.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tn7l0FJMQD0" REL="nofollow">Pencil thin mustache brings this to mind. Always lifts my mood.