A Pre-Doctor Appointment Stream Of Consciousness
Thursday, September 11, 2008 Okay, so I have to go to this appointment with a doctor in an hour-and-a-half to get a form signed that says I am basically too psychologically incapacitated to do much else other than make it to my doctor appointment, and these kinds of appointments freak me out.
I have to go in and sit in the waiting room at the mediclinic for an hour while pretending to read a magazine that smells like cheap perfume samples just so that I don't have to look back at all the weird people who hang out in places like that. Last time, there was this guy I know in the waiting room, and while I was trying to avoid his eye, because I can be weird like that, I noticed that he was avoiding my eye, too, which pissed me off, because the ego has a way of getting irrationally out of hand. I ended up spending half an hour surreptitiously trying to catch his attention, because being ignored was driving me crazy.
Then, when I was taken back to see the doctor, he just kept looking at me and asking me what I wanted to do, and I kept saying I DON'T KNOW, because why the hell else did he think I was in there looking for more help for my screwed up brain? It wasn't because I was perfectly aware of what was wrong with me and had a wellness plan all figured out for myself. Also, as I mentioned yesterday, he proceeded to tell me after that that my depression was probably irritating my spouse, as though that should be my reason for seeking help and not the fact that I hallucinate sometimes, among other things. What a turd.
I really don't know what I want to accomplish with this stream of consciousness except express my bad attitude about going in to see that doctor again and try to come up with something other than I DON'T KNOW. He's just a regular doctor, not a psychiatrist, who is filling out forms for me and monitoring my medication until I can get in to see the actual psychiatrist to which he referred me, so he's not really trained to deal with weepy messes who only say I DON'T KNOW. I would make a sucktastic robot.
Now I have to go and take a shower so that I don't end up overpowering the cheap perfume samples in the waiting room magazines. I'm sure that's one of the other patient's jobs there.
Reader Comments (12)
I beg to differ. You'd make an excellent Marvin.
(I'm just hoping you get that. I'm betting you will.)
So sorry you are goin through such a difficult time. It makes things so much worse when the idiot who is supposed to help you is such an idiot. Hope you get to the psychiatrist soon. Thanks for sharing.
Dear Bubbles,
When you look through the glass of your bowl I hope you see the pretty colors. I hope the colors sooth your hot brain bits. Also, dosage changes are sucktastic. You. Keep. Swimming. Sister.
Regards, a fellow swimmer
Cindi
There must be something weird going on in general. More of us are going batshit than I can remember for a while. Never thought I would feel fortunate to be crippled by generalized anxiety, but compared to what you are experiencing, I do. It all sucks, and the meds are a crapshoot.
I'm sorry you're not doing well right now. I hope you get the meds sorted out and get a good pdoc soon. As for the doc who is worried about the Palinode, he's probably projecting , thinking how he'd panic if he was married to you., well he's not, you've got a good one who understands from what I can tell.
Remember, as long as you are breathing it's not as bad as it could be. And sleep and Tyra Banks sounds good to me right now.,
Maybe you would do better with a regular therapist who you can talk with rather than a psychiatrist who is more interested in the medical part.
I know you're struggling right now and I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. I hope dr. jerkoff is better tomorrow. I really don't think his callousness is excusable, even if he is just monitoring you until you see someone else!
I am late on the scene, but hoping very much that things went well for you today, dear Schmutzie.
ErinH
I aso think the doctor is projecting, or perhaps is already married to someone with depression. But what a moronic thing for him to say. I would've been tempted to say something like "Really? I should do something about my depression because it might be irritating my spouse? Because I've been really f*cking enjoying it until now." But I'm kind of pissy that way sometimes. I hope you get in to see the psych soon and get the results you need. *hugs*
you know, I would expect a general practicioner to have a little more skill and tact dealing with your weepy messes. It's not like he wouldn't have previous experience. 'Cos we're everywhere.
I love my GP (which is what we call them here), he has a good general understanding of most psych issues, doesn't treat me like an idiot, remembers my name when we meet at the local pool where my child has lessons with his (actually that freaks me out, but it's nice)and when he's dealing with other health issues that come up, he knows about my crazy (which saved my bacon with the lithium and thyroid stuff). And he has been a rock when my psych went awol and then while getting used to the new one.
Anyway, what I meant to say was that in the long term I think a GP who doesn't shit you and who you trust with your crazy is as important as having a good psych. And I also meant to say that you deserve the best of care.
Roll on October.
This will be a short comment:
IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO?
Yeah, some doctors really suck. Makes you wonder what on earth the sucky ones were thinking when they decided to become doctors.
You need to find a better doctor - someone who is interested in helping you as opposed to fixing you and NOT JUDGING YOU. The next time he says something stupid let me know immediately and I'll come over there and poke him in the eye with a fork. Dufus.