Wah. Wah. Call Me A Wahmbulance.
Monday, August 18, 2008 I have been to see my family doctor about my current condition (anxiety and depression), and he prescribed me a higher dose of my present medication, put me on a waiting list to see a psychiatrist, and filled out a form that grants me a couple of weeks of stress leave from work.
My adjustment to a higher dose of medication has left me dizzy and emotionally numb, it turns out that the psychiatrist will not be able to see me until October, and the two weeks of stress leave is slowly dwindling itself down to nothing while I get no better and may, in fact, be worse.
There are good things happening, though. I have lost six pounds, which means that my inner thighs are not tossing themselves up against in each in great slapping waves as often as they used to. I have more colour in my cheeks than I have had in months. I feel physically healthier. I even sleep through the night now.
Still, though, I am spending my days staring at the furniture and feeling completely impotent as far as accomplishing any of the projects I have on the go, AND I WANT TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT.
REALLY LOUDLY.
A LOT.
I want to be a big howling, spoiled baby and throw myself on the floor. I want to reject everyone's attempts to pacify me. I want to cry so hard that my nose starts bleeding. I want to take my brain, psychiatric drugs, the psychiatric system, and all this hot, sweaty weather to court for being entirely unfair.
Plus, I'm drinking so much tea that I am peeing constantly, and we are out of toilet paper.
And I found a pile of stinky cat poo that one of those buggers we keep around here tried to hide under two of my favourite shirts. I'm taking that poo to court, too. It was nearly inexpungible.
Also, sushi isn't free. I'm broke. I hate my new antiperspirant. This first-world pissant is ANNOYED.
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(That orange masthead I had at the top of this website was killing me. I don't know why, but it kept stabbing my brain, so I gave it the boot. If you're reading this in a feedreader, click on over to check it out.)
the crazy, the metablogging
Reader Comments (26)
I like the boot better, anyway.
I'll be here to listen if you want to complain. Also I scheduled an appointment with my doctor on Friday. I'm leaving class early so I can go.
The boot is cool. Me likey.
I've been a reader but not a commenter. I hope you don't mind. I tend to stay in the background, anyway. Just wanted to say, I know how you feel. Anxiety is a bitch.
I hope you get to feeling better.
Kitties rock. They sure know how to hold you down and lie on your stomach and chest when you need them to. LOL.
I like the boot! And I never thought I would read sushi and antiperspirant in the same sentence!
It continually pisses me off that sushi is not free. And I hate my deodorant too- mine totally let me down today, while I was in court watching my lawyer kick my ex-husbands teeth in (kind of anyway. Like emotional teeth kicking) It was awesome. Except for the part where I was sweating. And I just totally over shared. tmi. Soory. You are welcome.
I like the boot. Totally fits with the teeth kicking thing. :)
Complaining is actually one of my favorite hobbies. I f***ing hate people who don't complain and who don't think it is fun or funny. They are all "You should count your blessings" and I do, but I keep it to myself, allright? I don't go around rubbing my blessings in peoples' FACES, ok? Complain away. Life is patently unfair. It deserves a good whine.
Sushi should be free, or at least covered by insurance. I find it a great aid to good mental health.
Your new masthead reminds me of your post about your http://www.schmutzie.com/2006/03/433-my-boots-after-my-graduation-at.html" REL="nofollow">favorite boots (naturally). It was one of the first things I ever read on your site. That post was one of the reasons I kept checking back here. Today, almost two and a half years later, I could only remember that it was about your favorite boots, so I reread it to see why it made such an impression back then. In broad terms, it was what I have come to love about this site: exceptional photography and even better writing. I learned so much about you from a short story about a pair of boots.
In those days I wasn't so into commenting (I still tend to lurk), so I thought this would be a good opportunity to compliment you on your boots and to thank you for hooking me back then.
The boot is awesome.
Waiting to get well sucks. We are here for you in the interim.
I liked the orange, actually! I like the boot too, mind :)
Anxiety sucks so, so much. I hope you get your meds adjusted properly and start feeling better. Wish I could offer something really useful...
Never saw the orange so thanks for telling me to click. Love the boot.
My deodorant is pissing me off. It smells okay going on and THEN when I sweat it smells like dozens of synthetic flowers AND armpit. I spend my day sniffing my pits and getting angrier and angrier. The left pit is worse.
I like the boot. It reminds me of the parade boots I used to wear all the time before the arthritis made me stop. Thanks.
Sometimes you just need a safe place to complain, and that's what the internet is for.
Let me know when next you will be in Cosmopolis and I will make you tea and let you use toilet paper I have purchased.
I figured the boot was just your "shit stompin'" boot. :)
I hate that your doc upped your drugs to such a degree before you can talk to a shrink. You and I both know there should be a happy medium between bat-shit crazy and in a virtual coma.
If you're staring at furniture and drooling then I'd hazard to guess that your dosage is too high. :)
Oh, that part is horrible: the limbo when you are adjusting to new med dosage... or not, and you don't know for weeks whether it's the adjustment period or the new dose that's turned you into a cloud of lead.
I want to marry the new header and bear it many fat children. I ADORE the boot. Viva la boot.
Let the boot be your virtual kicking life in the ass (instead of the other way around.) You'll be victorious!
Yay for Boots!
Very much loving the new masthead. And complain all you like, Schmutzie. You do it so poetically that it's never a hardship to listen ;)
I really recommend lying on the floor and having a good cry. You're allowed to complain.
I sprawled myself on the floor of the hallway one day and lamented the fact that I had to move clothes all the way from the washer to the dryer. It helped.
Isn't that one reason why we have a blog? B/c we can throw ourselves on the floor, kick and scream and vent all the while our readers tell us "It's okay. Tantrum away. We don't care." A little whining has never hurt anyone. Go for it.
Love the boot! Made for walking and sipping whine and (apparently) free association. I wish my coverage included mental health sushi. Thanks to whoever planted *that* idea in my head. lol
I hate my new antiperspirant too. wtf? ;)
Finally, someone else who is bitter that sushi isn't free.
I'm just getting to this post today. I got no sleep last night, and I'm grouchy as hell. And it makes me feel so much better to have someone to commiserate with. Even if it's just via internet, and a few days late at that.
I meet the therapist on Tuesday. **terrified**
Last night, definitely against my better judgment, I drank. I know better because then not only am I so very sad and ouch the gaping hole in my chest that has no reason and I hate it but now I'm also drunk. So I cried for about two hours. I think I cried all the booze out of my eyes, though. I didn't feel "better" but I didn't feel drunk anymore so it was a step in the right direction.
All this is only to say I understand and I hope you get to feeling better soon. I think it's total horse crap that they can't get you in before October.
Also, love the boot.