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Onion's Got A Hidey-Hole
Wednesday, May 28, 2008 
That cat to the left is Onion. He is approximately just over two years old, revels in being molested with kisses, and is fifteen pounds of fairly stupid.
There is not a thing he does that he ever figured out on his own. If we did not already have another cat, Oskar, when we brought Onion home from the pound, he would now be the most foul-smelling cat unable to figure out how push a door open with his head. (He still doesn't know that he can push unlatched doors open with his head and instead stands patiently while looking at you with one eye peering around the edge of the door). Until Oskar schooled him in the true uses of his tongue, Onion was quite content to lick the entire bottom foot of our kitchen while leaving his own body to develop a distinctive stench. We had a very clean oven door back then and one stank-ass cat.
Now, thanks to Oskar, we have a clean-smelling Onion, but it has been a trade-off, because Onion has picked up a few other things from Oskar, like how to open our kitchen cupboard doors and crawl into our cooking pots and get on top of the bookshelf and JUMP UP ONTO OUR FREAKING TOWELS AND BEDDING ON THE HIGH SHELVES IN THE BATHROOM CUPBOARD.
Do you see all of that hair stuck onto the variety of things that Onion is pushing out of the cupboard in the second photograph? Yeah. So did I right after I returned home from the gynecologist's office yesterday afternoon. Isn't it funny how you can go from Hooray, the doctor says I don't have anal polyps! to What the bloody hell am I supposed to dry myself off with now?! Until I can trek out to somewhere that sells hardware for keeping Onion-who-thinks-everything-Oskar-does-is-gold out of our clean towels, I am choosing to pretend that our cupboard is really a cat fort. It's a cat fort lined with my red velvet curtains that are now little more than the world's largest lint brush, but still a cat fort. Hairy bedding? What hairy bedding?
The more I think about it, the more I think that Onion's legs are more trouble than they're worth.
Reader Comments (14)
"fifteen pounds of fairly stupid"...tee hee!
Onion is adorable! I have a pretty daft one myself. Toast, who has gotten into some interesting situations like stuck on a roof, cut his tongue somehow so that it was forked and gotten his paw stuck in our weightlifting equipment. I've blogged about it if you are interested in reading his escapades. But I had to say that about the cat fur everywhere - my Electrolux vacuum cleaner has a "beater brush" attachment for furniture and it works awesome on getting cat fur off furniture and curtains. Of course, with two cats I have to do it every other day to keep up with it so, yeah, I don't always keep up with it. :) Anyway, your kitty is cute and I'm sure his looks have gotten him out of the doghouse plenty of times.
I'm not much of a cat person, but your kittens sound so precious that I may need to become a cat person soon.
Hah, my whole HOUSE is a cat fort. There isn't any nook my cats won't go. We try to keep them off the kitchen counters, but it they are only on there a split second while double-jumping to the top of the refrigerator, we allow it. They also like to lay next to the DVD played in my media cabinet.
My gorgeously huge cat came trotting through the living room with the chain and plug from the bathtub in his mouth! He looked like he was on a mission of great importance and it struck me as hilarious..........until, ten years later and I never did find where he hid that plug and, YES, I DO CLEAN MY HOUSE!
I love your cat stories. They always make me want more cats.
dana wyzard, my cat did the same thing with the knob to my toaster oven! I never found it and it would have cost $12 in shipping for a $2 knob to replace it, so we stole a knob off the display model at Target instead. Stupid (annoyingly adorable) cat.
You can try laying a sheet of aluminum foil up there - most cats don't like the feel of it on their feet.
After that, I got nothing.
He's very cute, though!
And how is the (newly-named??) kitten doing with the big boys?
Would those dust-mite protection bags help with the fur problem? My husband and I use those for the dust, but I betcha they'd work. But we don't have cats so I don't know how they'd hold up against claws....
I love Onion, and his huge paws, and his vacant expressions.
Kate, vacant is the word for that cat. He's my cuddly-wuddly fuschnickens, but he's got nothing going on in there.
I love it when you write about your cats. :) More pictures please!
That second photo is FANTASTIC! Nice.