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To A Wedding We Did Go
Monday, May 26, 2008 We went to a wedding yesterday, and it only took us a forty-five minute taxi ride across town and back and a blood pressure raising fare to get there late. We ended up watching the wedding from the door when we walked in during the middle of the ceremony. Thanks Google Maps! The meter was soaring up to some ridiculous dollar amount when the cabbie finally turned it off out of pity. No one needs to spend fifty dollars on a Sunday to not go to a wedding that Google Maps said was twenty-three dollars in the wrong direction.
The last half of the ceremony was lovely, as was the food, the venue, the cake topper pictured above, and the other guests. The place was filled with babies, though. It was rife with them, which meant that I ended up with drool on my hands and cupcake mashed into the knees of my pants. I felt like a big weird freak for a little while there and spent some time eating compulsively with my butt parked in a corner, because all these women were talking about their babies' height and weight and development and when they were thinking of making more babies and saying boob a lot.
It is pretty easy these days for me settle into a bit of a blue funk crossed with a strong urge to flee when surrounded by women who appear to perform femininity so easily and whose lives revolve around the results of their having healthy uteri. I am passing through all the first anniversaries of tests and the diagnosis and the hysterectomy, and my emotions keep having their way with me. I am ready to be done with this, but the world keeps throwing babies and television commercials exhorting me to have a happy period in my face.
After inhaling half a platter of pork bits in lettuce boats and several skewers of mushrooms coated in pesto, I managed to calm down enough to stop counting all the exits and relaxed into some fine conversation with friends I had not seen in a long time and who had managed not to have procreated in the last three years.
Let's just say that I've still got some issues.
After the wedding, the Palinode (the handsome figure pictured above) and I went out for drinks with another couple, and after they dropped us off at home, I immediately trekked out again and set about getting spectacularly smashed while playing pub trivia and inquiring after the particulars of Towel Day. My quest was met with much success (for me) and also much hogging of the bed and obnoxious snoring (poor Palinode).
I did come away from my experiences yesterday with the discovery of a new talent, though. I found out that I am really good at working grubby toddler cupcake muck out of expensive dress pants. You cannot even tell that several toddlers made a beeline from the children's cupcake bar to my knees yesterday with fists of blue icing softened by body heat and spittle.
I can be called a talentless hack no more! My chest swells with this newfound confidence.
Reader Comments (13)
Hot Palinode. Hot. I've been avoiding his blog but now I will follow his every move.
Weddings = lots of crazy.
Nice picture!Very handsome!
None of my business (altho this is the world wide internet) but have you considered adoption?
I personally hate weddings in general and I hate, even as a mother, when women cluster around and talk about diapers and things. Even I feel excluded ironically!
Why would you even write talentless hack? I've been savouring your word gifts for some time. I don't savour talentless.
As for issues, they are life-long.
Maybe not these particular ones, but somehow the triggers are a signal for more processing rather than life spitting in your eye.
On behalf of mothers everywhere, I apologize. :) Sometimes our sensitivity to others falls by the wayside. The truth is that my life is much richer because of my childless (whether by choice or not) friends. I am blessed by the women I know who don't necessarily embody femininity in the "traditional" way or who have made different choices than I have. And while I must admit that I still sometimes get carried away talking babies with other mothers, I try to remember that it's often more fun to talk to people about other things. I'm already surrounded by little people every day. I'd rather get to know someone who has different experiences!
The Queen, yes, hot, indeed.
Blackbird, yes.
Akakarma, despite my issues when surrounded by babies, I think it has less to do with wanting babies and more to do with feeling like an alien cyborg. Or something like that.
Witchypoo, whoever designed this life thing was a sadist.
Shannon, I really don't begrudge them their baby-related conversations. Babies were everywhere in the room, so it would have been strange if they didn't talk about them. To be truthful, I even asked to hold two of the babies there, but no one was forking them over.
"the world keeps throwing babies in my face" Unfortunately true, dat. If not babies, then the inevitable cliquishness.
More processing--whoo! (That's cheerful sarcasm.)
The cake topper confuses me. an action figure with a hand molded to hold a gun (?) and... a tiny woman from early 1800s England? This is a little installation whose story would be interesting to know.
Still, I like it better than the traditional model.
I'm perversely grateful that most of my female friends are (so far) childfree/childless. Baby showers make me have a panic attack followed by a fortnight of depression. Even though I 100% chose to not have babies and believe 100% that it was the right choice for me. (I like to visit with babies but wouldn't chose to be a parent.) I never thought of it as feeling like an alien cyborg but actually that's quite an apt description.
The Cake Topper Story
The bride and groom decided to pick each other's figures. Groom picked out a Jane Austen action figure. Bride picked out a figurine of Helo from Battlestar Galactica. One of these choices is clearly wishful thinking.
I'm wondering if there's a woman alive who doesn't turn into a rabid weasel when admonished to "have a happy period."
Aha, nice story! I haven't seen any of the new Battlestar Galactica yet so didn't recognize the uniform - my first thought when seeing the action figure was, "Is that the Rock?" So, whew.
I'm so with jen!
It would be a little easier if the grubby handed drooly little critters weren't so cute, huh?
Here's to processing, and to whatever life brings us.