And, Lo! I Have A Spirit Animal.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008 
About two or three weeks ago, I stood outside the pub, fighting a cold breeze to light a cigarette. I needed to get out of an awkward discussion I was having inside and had found the ice crystals that hung in the air calmed my lip twitch. The crystals tickled my cheeks as they landed against my skin. Recent anxiety had made the corner of my mouth jumpy.
I was about to head back inside when a slight woman appeared to the right of me. I was sure she was not there a second before, but by then I had already had a couple of pints of beer, so I was probably a little less observant.
Hello, she said. Her voice was quiet and light.
Hi. Have we met? I asked.
No. I'm R, she said.
I'm Schmutzie.
She was looking intently at my face and the space around my head.
Do you have a spirit animal? she asked, staring at a spot in the air about three inches away from and above my right temple.
If I do, I don't know what it is, I said. I am neither here nor there when it comes to things like spirit animals. If someone wants to believe that a red-eyed tree frog is their spirit animal, that is their business, but I have always thought that if I had a spirit animal, I would know it by the fact that it had just eaten me or I had stepped in its poo.
If you do, what do you think it is?
A bandicoot, I said. It was the first thing that came to mind. I like the sound of the word "bandicoot". If I had followed my feelings on the matter, though, I would have had to say seagull, because I have actually been peed on twice within a two-day period by seagulls. From the amount of leg coverage the seagulls managed, I think they must be very large-bladdered birds.
You, she said, are something bigger. Can I give you a spirit animal?
Sure. I don't know if people can give them to you, but I was curious about what she was going to say.
She stepped forward and ran her hands down the arms of my black, fake-fur coat. You, she said, are a black bear. Here we had just met, and she was standing inches from me and stroking my arms. It was very intimate.
A black bear? I had never pegged myself for something from the Ursidae family. I had always thought of myself as more of a Tytonidae (owls) or Procyonidae (raccoons) family member.
Yes, definitely a black bear. You should be proud, she said. She took a step back to look at me again. I felt like I was trying on a gown for someone.
How do I look? I asked while I performed a small curtsy.
Very much like a black bear, she said, especially in those glasses.
She stepped away to indicate that she was leaving and smiled. We waved our goodbyes, and then she headed of down the sidewalk.
It was only a few days later that I re-remembered my run-in with a bear when I was about eleven years old. I had come across it while hiking alone in the forest and was incredibly lucky that it was well-fed and bored by my presence. Fuck, I thought, am I ever glad he didn't eat me.
Reader Comments (14)
What an interesting experience. That's the kind of thing that makes it fun to hang out in public sometimes.
To your very great credit, you didn't brush her off as a nutjob.
Sometimes wisdom comes in unexpected ways.
I absolutely love this story, as these are the moments in life that many people would roll their eyes at and chalk it up as uninteresting, which I think is a total shame.
I do have to also say that as I was reading the part when she started touching your coat, I was really, REALLY hoping it wasn't going to end with you getting your wallet stolen or something like that... so you can imagine my delight when I got to the end and it was just what I hoped, a fun evening out with strangers handing out spirit animals!
Jules
http://bigpikchur.blogspot.com" REL="nofollow">House of Jules
I loved this.
I can't think of anything to say that doesn't sound like it's from the 80s. Way cool. Totally gnarly.
Was she old and wrinkly and of Native American ancestry? That would have made the story better. Or if she vanished into a cloud of mist. Dude.
While that Lady was probably a nut job-at least she didn't give you a magic bean.
For curiorsity: What would happen if your spirit animal ate you?
Uberfrau, I'm thinking that if my spirit animal ate me, I'd end up in some incredible afterlife. Like attaining Nirvana by accident or something.
Schmutzie!
"Alliance with a Bear Spirit may make it possible to kill bears at will."
http://www.hotcakencyclopedia.com/ho.BearSpirits.html
Hi Schmutzie-
Great story, and told very well too!
I used to consult Native American animal medicine cards all the time (specifically http://tinyurl.com/3b75o5" REL="nofollow">this deck) until I lost the book last year. Which was probably for the best, as I'd gotten fairly obsessed with those cards.
Bear does seem perfect for you- it represents going within and trusting intuition, like a bear returning its cave to hibernate. Bear finds refuge in the womb of Mother Earth. People with Bear energy have a special connection to the idea of this global womb, as well as to dreaming, natural cycles and timing, the subconscious, profound secrets, and inner knowing (as opposed to rational, logical knowing).
Bear stands for the healing and transformation that occur during deep sleep and other similar states. It also stands for letting events unfold in their own way, and taking as much time as you need to rest, daydream, and enjoy life while your inner guide prepares for the next step.
What a lovely totem animal for a writer to have. Sorry I've babbled on about this, but I love animal medicine and your story was just so fascinating. Thanks for sharing it!
-Rebecca
Hooray!! This is awesome :)
Was this the girl that walked up to me, and told me she knew I was a horse and an Aquarius, and told me my animal should be a Unicorn, because nothing "real" suited me? If so, I loved her.
Yep, Abigail, she is the very same one.
I just finished re-reading The Clan of the Cave Bear, AND just finished my first Charles De Lint (Widdershins, to be exact) so I am all about the spirit animals right now.
I think there are more interesting people wandering the streets of your province than my whole life combined. Clearly, I need to open my heart and head a bit.
wow. was this meant to give me the amazing case of the shivery goosebumps that it gave me?
big goosebumps.