I spent half the night crisscrossing the line between sleep and wakefulness as I was plagued by stupid dreams with stupid plot lines.
Actually, the irritating dream thing started not last night but the night before when I dreamt that I was holding a friend's baby. It had an abnormally small head covered in dark hair with pinhole eyes and one gargantuan tooth jutting out of its lower jaw. It started nuzzle at my breast, and I said No, little guy, that won't do, and then he latched on through my shirt anyway and bit my nipple really hard with that abomination of a tooth of his. I spent the rest of that dream annoyed and embarrassed about the wet circle of baby spit on my shirt over my left nipple.
I will give you a short synopsis of last night's dream's adventures in a list, because this bitch just goes on and on:
I visited a friend in another city, and she threw this huge, obnoxious party the first night I was there.Her mother built me a remarkable free-standing tower out of potato chips much like a house of cards, and then it collapsed, and I had to spend a bunch of time cleaning the mess of crumbs out of the carpet.I woke up alone in the morning, looking around at a dingy living room, and I said I feel like I'm in a Harold Pinter play, and no one's excited to see me. I have no idea what that means. I have never even read any Pinter.A man told me that he could help me to makeover my image, and then he proceeded to tell me that although I have young face, my neck looks ten years older.Someone put on an outdoor breakfast potluck buffet in honour of my visit, but I hate eating outside, did not know anyone, and was too hung over to enjoy it.I went back to my friend's house to clean up, but the main floor had been cleared of all its contents. I looked out the back door, and some friends had loaded all the furniture, ornaments, and whatnot, including my clothing, into the back of a truck. They were going to take it all away and clean it as a surprise. When I freaked out about my clothing, they laughed at how uptight I was and drove away, but I knew that the expensive items I had brought along would be destroyed. Jerks.Last night's dreams completely confounded me until
That Girl figured out what was going on. Apparently, each time something annoying or fucked up happened, it was because someone was trying to be nice or helpful to me. That Girl said,
It sounds like you really need to hermit yourself away for awhile. No freaking kidding.
I have really enjoyed the things I have gone out of the apartment to do with people lately, but I find every excursion exhausting. The February Crazy is upon me.
What is the February Crazy, you ask? Well, it is a lovely period of time that occurs annually each February. Its symptoms vary but may include any or all of the following:
Irritability. Did you say something to me? Because that would be wrong. Are you standing anywhere in my vicinity without obvious purpose? Because that would be wrong, too. Have you walked by me a hundred times rather than turning whatever you are doing into one trip? Because that would be very, very wrong. Did you ask me how I am doing? Seething, thank you.Strong urges to run away and join the circus. These urges may also be experienced as desires to become a hippie or ride the rails or do a stint in a nunnery. It is best to avoid these urges by crawling under a blanket and drinking an entire bottle of wine.Feelings of guilt. In this case, another symptom, irritability, can often be used to overcome the sense that one has fallen terribly short of others' expectations, as irritability is usually quite strong during the February Crazy.Sudden weeping. When irritability cannot overcome feelings of guilt, sudden emotional outbursts are common. Do not be alarmed. Enjoy wine liberally and hide in a warm bath.Vivid dreams that are emotionally upsetting. See above.Actions contradict emotions. An individual suffering from the February Crazy may make broad statements about the futility of life and the need to hermit and then will be seen out in public yucking it up. In public, treat an individual with the February Crazy with a gentle hand lest they fall to irritability or weeping. They do not know why they are out in the world, either, and are likely to be easily confused.Tonight, I am choosing a blanket and a bottle of beer to curl up with while I watch hours of "Law & Order" to divert my attention away from the fact that my system is still trying to deal with the loaf of garlic bread I ate on Sunday. Yes, I said LOAF. The February Crazy also has some slightly less common symptoms, such as the overconsumption of underbaked, white flour products slathered in cheap margarine and garlic powder.
(This entry is also posted at RealMental.org)
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Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Reader Comments (15)
I have an aged neck. But my face looks just as ragged. As well as the rest of my body. Hmmm... new subject! :)
My dreams are also very realistic, emotionally upsetting and usually very bizarre. My husband says he doesn't dream at all! I theorize that I inherit his dreams. Either that or he's dreaming about naked women and when he's rustling around in bed he's disturbing my sleep patterns, making me dream about leprachauns and cutting off my appendages. This is why I choose insomnia!
Let's hope that February passes by quickly, and with our sanities fairly intact.
February is made for staying in your cave. There is a reason it is the shortest month. It isn't right to be outside when there isn't any hope of a crocus or something in your future. I have been eating strange things too, because I haven't been able to drag myself to the grocery store. Hooray for freezers.
Seething, thank you.
So much better than I can't stand another second in my skin.
Ah yes, February is delightful.
ErinH
Yeah, February is pretty much the pits. I like psychicgeek's comment: February is made for staying in your cave. Too true.
I really think my general crazy needs to be broken down into subtle variations of crazy like that.
It's March for me in some ways just because after February I expect some relief and then it's freaking March and relief does not come because March is too damn much like February. Weather wise.
I remember when I first moved to the northerly part of the world and was all: MARCH IS COMING to my boyfriend and he was all: IT STILL SNOWS A LOT IN MARCH. And I was all: HOLY SHIT WHY DOES MANKIND GO ON? AND WHY DID ANYONE DECIDE TO FORM A CIVILIZATION HERE?
Maybe the temporal thing also needs to be divided: Mid-May Madness. First Part of February Freak Out, Mid February Quasi-Homicidal Hour.
I love this post, I think the dream was pretty good to read about though I get it's not as much fun to have it, and that fist bullet point about irritability? What is that happens, like, all the time? And where I live it was 70 yesterday.
Amy, oh, for 70 degrees. Recently we've experienced -40 and lower, although it's just below 0 celsius today. Finally.
The irritability is pretty constant in February for me. Deep breathing, hot baths, and comfort food are the order of the month.
next time make the garlic bread with real butter and real garlic, okay?
even though it's probably due to the february crazy, my husband took it rather well when I told him that I found him unbearable at the moment.
Hmm... I got the crazies then.
Bossy's February crazies came early... and stayed for twenty years.
Gosh, I hate February. Almost as much as I hate December.
I never remember any of my dreams except for the one I had the weekend before last. I woke up, bolted to a sitting position and screamed.
It was awful but it's fading.
As my birthday is in February, this month doesn't suck for me.
About dreams:
-- anything specific (like Harold Pinter) almost certainly has a particular meaning, try free associating, misspelling mispronounceing. Do you know a painter named Harold? do you get pints at a place called Harond? Etc.
-- That Girl (for a minute I thought you meant the character in Marlo Thomas' old show, not the very cute TG) has a point: think about what happened the day before the day you went to sleep, any links?
For more, read Dream Power and The Dream Game by Ann Faraday.
Dreams can be wonderful messages from yourself. And February doldrums are the perfect time for you to listen.
PS: Had 71 degrees in Washington today! But they're calling snow for the weekend.
Your explanation of the February Crazies was a perfect read for me today. It explained some of the "goings on" all around me (and inside of me, too). Funny you should mention dreams, as I woke up this morning after dreaming I had twin girls (I am almost 50 years old) in Halifax (2 hours from here) and named them Brenda and Kathleen, Katie for short. AND my cousin, who is close to my age, had twin boys 4 hours after me, and named her boys Darrell and Corey. Oh, my, could it have been the nacho's or the fact that my niece was in labor...
Apparently, February has become my crazy month as well. Unite, insane ladies of February!
Also, I'd like a loaf of bread.