Ten Fears, Mostly Unfounded

I am afraid:

of shaving my legs in the shower, because I am so blind without my glasses, which is part of the reason why I am so very woolly.

that I will step off the curb to cross the street in winter, fall down on an icy patch and out of the driver's view while they are checking the other way, and that they will drive over my prone body.

to climb the stepladder to change a lightbulb, because the last way I want to die is in some mundane household slip-and-fall.

of cooking while not wearing a bra, because I have had too many nipple-related kitchen accidents.

that when I microwave coffee in a mug, the liquid will leap over the edge and burn my hand, because I had a mug once that caused heated liquids to literally leap when first moved after microwaving.

to eat fish at somebody else's house, because it will likely be cooked, and cooked fish is suspicious for some reason.

of taking showers or baths or talking on the telephone while it is raining outside, because somehow, some way, the lightning will get at me and cook my brain.

that a cigarette lighter will explode while I am holding it and blow off all of my fingers.

to take two stairs at a time, because, seriously, that's just not a good idea.

of washing glass cups by hand, because it is like handling something that has the potential to turn into what equals a bunch of invisible, unwieldy knives.

And you?

Comments

[Velma]

There are many, more so than when I was younger, actually. Number One is flying, though. I used to love it, and then I had kids, and now the loss of control every single time I take off makes me an insane person. I shake, I shiver, I mentally repeat the "Our Father" at high speed as if I actually believe it will help. I actually am not at all religious, but it is a primal thing, and I don't logically believe in it, but I still do it. Only during takeoff and landing, though, so hopefully? If it turns out there is a God? I figure it's only a small blasphemy.

[kwr221]

I'm with you on the lightening thing. Definitely. Probably because pf something my mother told me when I was small.

[Ariel]

You CAN be electrocuted while in the shower or on the toilet! It's true! Not very likely, but true.
I'm trying to picture a nipple related kitchen accident but I'm not succeeding... but I have really small boobs.
And I totally hear you about the cooked fish. EWWWW.

I am afraid of tornadoes. I am afraid a mountain lion will decide I am delicious when I'm camping.

And I am terrified that my ex husband will take my daughter to Canada to see his REALLY bad crazy mother and I'll never see her again. Once I started being afraid of that nothing else seemed nearly as bad...

[dailypiglet]

i always enjoy reading what other people are afraid of, sometimes i pick up new fears. mostly, it's confirmation that i am not alone out here.

i have a fear of walking on personal property without knowing, lest they shoot me for trespassing.

i have that lighter fear too, it could totally happen.

[witchypoo]

When I was a kid, I was certain I had deadly snakes under my bed. Midnight bathroom trips always started with a standing jump from the bed to gain a head start from said snakes.
Nowadays, mice freak me out. I'm scared I'll get Hanta Virus from the danged freeloaders.

[paper napkin]

I'm afraid of changing lightbulbs, because I think either the light bulb will explode, or I'll be electrocuted.

I'm also afraid of mowing the lawn because I'm sure that if I run over a foreign object the lawn mower will explode

I'm really afraid of driving in bad weather.

I think that's about it.

[Torrie]

Ha! I just wrote a post about my weird fears. You are not alone.

[alyce]

Your fear about superheated water is not silly, it's real. And quantifiable and preventable.

It happens because the water heats past the boiling point without bubbles. Then you disturb the cup (touch/wiggle) and the bubbles form all of a sudden.

Stirring midway thru heating water in a microwave or using a container that is much larger than the quantity of water (I use a 4-cup pyrex measuring cup) prevents such accidents.

[loren]

I don't think they're so bad, but maybe that's because I was shaking my head in agreement to most of them! I REFUSE to shower when it's raining or cloudy.

[flutter]

being upside down, no seriously. Cannot deal.

[BarbaraCA]

I am pretty much waiting for when a tick burrows into my skin and I go completely and irretrievably insane from the very concept. I won't even be able to keep my shit together long enough to pull it out or touch it with a lit match or whatever.

It's just a matter of time.

Also? The gas stove has a slow leak and we don't know and so one night, we all die. Hopefully before the tick infestation.

[BarbaraCA]

I am pretty much waiting for when a tick burrows into my skin and I go completely and irretrievably insane from the very concept. I won't even be able to keep my shit together long enough to pull it out or touch it with a lit match or whatever.

It's just a matter of time.

Also? The gas stove has a slow leak and we don't know and so one night, we all die. Hopefully before the tick infestation.

[BarbaraCA]

I am pretty much waiting for when a tick burrows into my skin and I go completely and irretrievably insane from the very concept. I won't even be able to keep my shit together long enough to pull it out or touch it with a lit match or whatever.

It's just a matter of time.

Also? The gas stove has a slow leak and we don't know and so one night, we all die. Hopefully before the tick infestation.

[Jaywalker]

Just scaffolders. And scaffolding. I have a cast iron belief that I will be killed by a falling scaffolding tube.
Other than that I am a fearless ball of bravery. Yeah!

[CharmingDriver]

My particular brand of crazy looks something like this (not that I need to tell you this but obviously I have watched WAY too many Lifetime Movies):

Person/people hiding under beds/parked cars and snatching my ankles because you know, that is the single least efficient method of kidnapping and/or harming someone is to barricade yourself under heavy cars/furniture. But seriously? Can feel the hands on my ankles at least once a day.

Oh and also, snakes in the toilet. SHUDDER.

[Mrs C]

My big fear: That my house renovations will never be finished. That's a big one and probably well-founded. Bother.

Also: That we will never move away from Paris. Sigh.

[Lauren]

I hate opening those cinnamon bun tubes that POP when you tear the wrapper off. I never know when they are going to POP and it makes me so nervious!

[Sparkliesunshine]

I can very much relate to you with these. My girlfriend often threatens to do a guest blog at my site detailing all the many varied ridiculous fears I have. One of my biggest? Holding anything glass while standing and especially while walking. I just can't get myself to do it because I am terrified I will fall and get cut.

So needless to say we have all plastic cups and I never drink snapple.

[Amanda]

Walking up or down stairs, I'm afraid that I'll trip and fall down and die or trip going up and die.

I'm afraid of elevators failing while I'm in them.

I'm afraid of those things you barely see out of the corners or your eyes when it's getting dark.

I'm afraid of those things that are waiting outside your darkened windows that are just about to pop up and freak you out and then, you know, eat your soul. I can't look out uncovered windows when it's dark outside.

I'm also afraid of the glass thing. I prefer not to use glass cups or have a glass topped table or glass shelves.

[Hildy]

I have so many phobias it's not even funny - most of them having to do with bad things happening to family members...but I also hate heights (but only if I can see beneath my feet so Sears Tower OK, Cameron Street Footbridge not OK) and driving on the highway (especially in the winter).

[andij1967]

I am afraid of losing my fingers in the garbage disposal (thanks, Grandma, for that one) and I am also terrified of those refrigerated dough tubes that explode in your hands when you remove the paper. Like seriously, whenever I have to open one, my heart starts pounding and I feel dizzy.

I really am a walking ball of anxiety most of the time.

[Kylene]

I'm afraid of falling from high places. I'm fine with being up high, but not near the edge and never, ever skydiving.

I'm afraid of the dark. I'm sure people are going to pop out at me and do nasty things or wild animals are going to tear me apart. I'm sure that if we didn't have motion-sensitive night-lights, we'd have been robbed and killed.

I'm terrified of spiders.

I don't like elevators or small enclosed places with lots of people. Or large enclosed spaces with lots of people. Or just lots of people, I guess.

I'm afraid of my house burning down.

[Anonymous]

I hate being in my car and stopped under a interstate overpass. I can hear all the cars overhead and I'm just sure it's going to come crashing down and crush me!

[Black Hockey Jesus]

Oh my God that 2nd what made me laugh out loud. For serious.

[Black Hockey Jesus]

the 2nd "one".

[Joy!]

I'm with you on the lightning hazards. I live in the US state with the 2nd highest lightning deaths per year, and I prefer to not be among the people hit!

I worry that I will somehow be unfairly found guilty of some terrible crime. I'm sure that says more about my particular psychology than the actual likelihood of that.

I have a fear that my sisters will be completely hysterical and unmanageable after my parents die, thus making my life as executor miserable.

I also have a fear of the overwhelming task of emptying my parents house of its many layers of stuff.

I have a fear of answering the door and having to talk to people.

I have a fear that our neighborhood nuclear power plant will fail and make a vast swath of our lives uninhabitable. I then worry that the mortgage company will want their money. If I want to get really worked up, I imagine myself separated from all friends and family in such a disaster and unable to locate any of them.

I am afraid that my husband will get killed in a car accident in bad weather, leaving me a weepingly bereft and penniless widow. Seriously, I make myself crazy sometimes.

[Gypsyhick]

I cannot look into mirrors when in dark rooms. When I have to get up and venture into the washroom late at night, I fearfully keep my eyes on the floor. I don't want to see if the boogie man is really standing behind me.

(and Velma? I'm the gal across the aisle from you muttering "Hail Mary" during takeoff)

[Mle_Mle]

As a guy who's so blind that without my glasses I can't recognize even my own friends and family from further than four feet away, I have shared your leg-shaving shower blindness fear. But my fear has been ameliorated since the invention of the Schick Intuition. In several years of use I have never had a single nick, much less bloody rivers like I used to open on the tricky part at the backs of my ankles.

So there's my brazen product plug. If I don't mind skipping the boniest bits (and it's clear from the abundant length of the otherwise eeny teeny patches on my ankle bones that I don't), I feel safe engaging in shaving even while totally blinded from clenching my eyes shut against a shampoo sting invasion. So now the only reason for my being wooly is that in the winter I just like letting things get that way.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

1) To put my hand into the bushes. I am always positive that a snake will get me.

2) That whoever is driving is going to freak out and drive over the edge whenever we go across the Bay Bridge.

3) That I will never be thin again.

4) That my husband's vasectomy will grow back and we will accidentally make triplets.

5) If I sleep without underwear on there will be a fire and I'll have to be out in my neighborhood naked.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

And how does one have nipple related kitchen accidents?

[Nora]

I'm afraid of starting fires when I'm camping, because what if something happens? And of bears and other things in the night that might decide I'm delicious. I'm afraid of committing some unforgivable act. I'm scared of large birds and their dinosaur eyes. I'm afraid of accidentally touching a fish while I'm swimming. I'm also not a fan of using strangers' bathrooms.