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Immature Much?
Sunday, October 5, 2008 My sulking inner fifteen-year-old has deigned to come out of her room in my brain a lot more lately. I am not sure if it is that she's looking for more black dye to further blackify her already all-black wardrobe or if she is looking for a raise in her allowance to offset the costs of her newfound, Morrissey-inspired smoking habit, but there she is, surveying all that she sees with a thinly veiled expression of disdain.
I am quite disappointed with my fifteen-year-old self, because her vocabulary could use some work. I really thought that with all Dostoyevsky and Maharishi Mahesh Yogi she read back in 1987 that she would have a little more to offer than: "Asshole much?" (in response to a less than kind statement made by one of my friends); "Gay much?" (in response to the Palinode's displayed knowledge of show tunes); "Jealous much?" (in response to someone's disapproval of the amount of cleavage I was sporting); and "Think much?" (in response to most statements made by most people).
I think I am going to send her back to upgrade her high school English classes. And challenge her to discontinue the use of the moon as a poetic device. And maybe suggest a regular dose of some kind of dopamine-reuptake blocking compound.
What brings this up is that one of my cats fell off a chair yesterday, and when I picked him up, I said "Loser much?" Then, while I was in mid love-snorgle with his belly fluff, I thought to myself, "Pathetic much?", which threw me into a depressive spiral that I concluded with the statement "Crazy much?"
It gets worse. I have been somewhat constipated of late - (not that you have the desire to know this, but I have to tell you in order to reach the end of this story) - and yesterday marked an extremely impressive end to that niggling issue. I was just pulling some toilet paper off the roll when I heard myself say "Fibre much?" OUT LOUD.
It strikes me as particularly unnecessary to use a mocking tone in response to my own bowel movements.
Reader Comments (11)
My 15 year old self says "Like" way too often. Also calls every one "dude".
Of course my 29 year old self says "groovy" and "wicked" and calls all females that I like "lady".
Not sure its an improvement. Well, "lady" is better than "dude"....
Laugh much? This cracked me up. My inner teen also says Dude and chastises my husband's innocently obvious questions with a mocking 'you think?'
As in, 'the baby's been crying for a while, should I feed him something?' YOU THINK??
Funny much? My inner teen thinks your inner teen sounds cool.
:P excellent.
This reads as Proustian in a Millenial way. Very good!
Hilarious much?
Lovable much?
I'm afraid my 15 yr old self doesn't peek out nearly often enough. Sometimes I think I could use her talent for arrogantly kicking ass. Alas, I'm afraid she is buried under too many layers of sensible shoes and overpriced coffee.
giggle, giggle, *snort*
I like your 15 year old self ~ very succinct.
Much better than my sister's annoying mocking "Hello?!?" said at full volume.
Oh, I don't know. I'm all for mocking ones bowels. Anal much? You betcha.
I thought that was your personality all the time.