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Dude Brings Me Packages, Judges Openly
Thursday, October 2, 2008 The intercom buzzed.
"Hello?" I said through our little plastic box on the wall.
"UPS," a male voice said.
"Come on up."
I tried to flatten my bedhead with a palm full of spit, tied my bathrobe around me a bit more tightly, and opened the door a crack. A monstrous giant of a UPS carrier towered on the other side of the threshold.
"You'll have to excuse me," I said. "I have a terrible cold."
"So do I," he said with obvious sarcasm, as though to say So what? Who cares. Look at me. I'M still out and about.
I kept my head down and busied myself with signing for my package, because if I had looked up at his self-righteous face, I think I might have said something rude like
That's right, Mr. UPS Man. I bow before your fucking robustness.
This is not the first time he has done this, either. The last time he came to the door, it was earlier in the morning, and I had some heavy puffy-face going on with an infected hair follicle blooming into full pus-itude on my chin. I know that I have a tendency toward extreme hotness, but honestly, I did not need him to look me up and down and mention that he had been up since 5:00 a.m.
Is this a thing now? Are UPS carriers the front of judgement that keep tabs on those of us who work from home, are psychologically infirm, or otherwise keep odd hours? Must I now feel pressured to present my best face to the delivery person, even when I'm leaking enough snot to bottle it and sell as glue, lest he sarcastically point out my obvious shortcomings as a human being?
I have decided that I will mentally mock him every time he comes to my door from now on for his strange predilection to shave every inch of his exposed flesh, because, seriously, he's nakeder than anyone I know, even the babies.
Reader Comments (13)
Then I am in deep trouble. My UPS guy delivers a case of wine every month.
The judging? It is harsh I'm sure.
(Or, maybe he's jealous)
Well, at least you weren't spreading germs to each of your customers that day. Good thing you already had a cold, or he could have delivered you one.
My UPS man is naked, too! Do they breed them like that? And super tan. Not that I've noticed or anything.
WHAT is his f***ing problem? So he feels he has a miserable life and has to spread it everywhere he goes? Does it make him feeel better to crap on other people? Guilt-trip the very people he's supposed to be serving? Jeez. What a juvenile. (I guess you can tell I'm not feeling very charitable tonight.) You could get all snarky back and say, I know. It's a pity you have such a hard life... bwahaha. I know, I know, it goes against Canadian nice. But then what is his excuse?
UPS has been sending me a succession of buff, tan, hairless carriers, too. Usually I'm too blinded by the buff to notice any disdainful stares.
dude.. rude.
and yeah, what is UP with the nakedness???
of course.. my babies all came out looking like little gorillas... so it's not hard to imagine someone nakeder than that.
wtf? I thought Purolator handled UPS in Canada now.
Just keep telling yourself, "I am teflon, I am teflon"....
And then use his pen to sign for your package and see how he feels when he gets a cold! Sorry, couldn't resist the evil.
Oh I sympathize!I've been caught, mid-morning, in that which I was wearing when I rolled out of bed hours earlier...My excuse? No cold. Excuse me, I was blogging. They also serve who only sit in their jammies and blog.....
He sounds like an all-around asshole.
He's an idiot - doesn't UPS have somewhere to call to log a complaint?
My UPS guy just delivered fishnet stockings. I wonder.......
Can you put a note on the door with your signature that says it's okay to LEAVE packages? that works here, though I adore my UPS guy.