I Have A Rubber Cock And A New Hobby
Saturday, July 7, 2007 
This is Harlan. He arrived the other day to squeeze water out of his butt in my bathtub. I know. The nerve of him. Thankfully, he was fairly polite about his inquiry, and I was able to avoid having an awkward conversation with him by explaining that I am not allowed to soak my post-hysterectomy self in the bath for another three-and-a-half weeks. He has agreed to live inside my typewriter until such a point as I can bathe again or we have become more adequately acquainted. Such tub antics take a certain degree of familiarity for me.
I am going stir crazy in this apartment. It is over 40°C outside with the humidex, my gut hurts when I sit and stand and lie down, my butt has grown numb from pressure-induced blood loss, and I am sick of the cats milling about and trying to bite all the flowers that have been sent on account of my uterus being cut to smithereens and suctioned out into a bucket. This is only my fourth day of recuperation, and already I am going on with the woe-is-me and the boredom-is-a-suckass-luxury. I should get a new hobby.
Guess what? I just found one! I'm not kidding. I wrote that paragraph, got up from my chair, and started a new hobby. Here it is:
My Spiritual Uterus: An Introduction
(Thanks to Dana of Miserable Bliss for the thumbprint inspiration.)
New hobby = public therapy through thumbprints. I don't think that I am even one full step away from acting out my issues with puppets.
So, what have you been up to lately? Done anything new?
Reader Comments (15)
That was truly cool. You have found your calling. Unfortunately, the Denver Police have also found you because your thumbprint matches the person who robbed their local Bank of America branch in 1998.
:D Hey, I am glad you are keeping your ovaries. Maybe you ought to give them catchy names (like Dot and Sylvia or something) and include them in the spirit uteri and thumbprint 'toons.
I CAN ONLY ADMIRE YOUR NEW RUBBER COCK (Oops. Sorry. I didn't mean to shout that right out loud).
And, you might ask our friend Dana about using banana leaves until you can bathe again....
I, too, am waiting for the ovary and/or talking breasts installment. You rock!
See you tomorrow!
A pithy satire!
(that's a line from Woody Allen's Love and Death)
oh do find out about the banana leaves - one can only imagine...
God love ya! I like the names Dot and Sylvia.
Well, if you are really, truly bored then maybe I'll ask some advice via email...
'Lena
Fingerprint comic! Too cool!
I'd have just made a big smeary mess all over everything - paper, sure, but also sheets and pillow cases and sofa and wall in the bathroom and..
The thumb prints are beyond fabulous. You are truly gifted. If you need any time passing activities during the day, I am often sitting at home, waiting for the phone to ring. Seriously. Iffin' you want to shoot the breeze, I am often home with the spawn and the garden.
Did you dump the left column? :-(
'L
Love the thumbprints, and (of course) the photo :o)
hey, boredom is a great muse for you! awesome strip.
I came by to say get well soon, but now...well, get well but take your time getting out of bed. someone bring the girl more coronas and an ink block.
Very nice, love the creativity. I don't think I've said it yet... I hope you're feeling okay. Emotionally, physically, whatever. All of those things.
I think you might be brilliant. Yup, I've confirmed it. Brilliant.
That rocked!!!
I may have to co-opt the art form for my own battle with the flab (certainly not as serious as your own, but one I'd like to conquer).
The rubber chicken is sort of thumbprint-shaped as well I noticed.
If you do end up staging a puppet show, I think they should be sock puppets. You should be represented by a fancy woolen knitted sock, while Palinode would be one of those anklets with the ball on the back. Your uterus would be a tube sock, of course.