Hysterectomy Day, Celebrating The Birth Control That Works
Tuesday, July 3, 2007 
The Mother-in-law's Hosta In A Band Of Morning Light After Rain
I am feeling strangely calm at the moment, considering that today is Hysterectomy Day, which will commence with a hospital admission at 10:40 a.m. and culminate in a laparoscopic hysterectomy, performed on one Schmutzie Pickles, at 1:00 p.m. Of course, I just woke up five minutes ago, and it is only 7:15 a.m., and it is nil by mouth until this evening, so there is no coffee to speed me into an anxiety attack about the nature of my reality this morning. If I could chug the usual three cups of my favoured grow-hair-on-your-chest, Schmutzie-issue java juice, my laissez-faire attitude might not be so apparent, but as things stand, I am pretty relaxed right now, if a little tight in the chestal area. I also have the Palinode to hold my hand through this nastiness, which is right fabulous.
My serenity may fly south, though, once the nurse comes at me with a rectal nozzle for the much feared enema, but that is a few hours away yet.
I think I may be displacing my anxiety about uterus removal by keeping a strong focus on the enema. I cannot remember if the nurse at the pre-admission clinic on Friday even mentioned an enema, but I have become convinced that I am scheduled to have one today. You would think that if I was avoiding thinking about a major deal going down with my lady parts, I would choose to focus on a piece of myself situated a little further away than my rectum, like the hangnail on my ring finger or the zits by my mouth which I lovingly grew for the anaesthesiologist, but no, it is the rectum. Any Freudian's out there?
If all goes according to plan, I should be back at home by about 9:00 p.m. tonight. Yes, that's right. TWENTY-ONE HUNDRED HOURS. That seems crazy to me, but I have been assured that with the laparoscopic variety of the various hysterectomy types available, I will be in surgery for three to four hours, in post-op for another three to four hours, and then the Palinode and I will be shipped off into the arms of our fair Abigail, who will hopefully be able to drag my sorry ass up the flight of stairs to our second-story apartment.
I am thinking that I should be focused on that stitch-ripping trek up the stairs more than the enema. My but the mind is a mysterious thing.
This Picture Of My Mother-in-law's Trumpet Flowers
Makes You Feel Happy And Positive
Now it is 8:13 a.m., and I am beginning to think that it is time to wash this pre-surgery body down. She's a bit funky.
Before I go to meet my day, though, want to thank each and every one of you who has been kind enough to help me along my way through writing about my situation, linking to my entries about it, sending me e-mails and whatnot, commenting on the entries here, and throwing good thoughts my way. I have felt a hell of a lot of support from you people, and I will carry that with me today when I am taken to surgery. You guys make people look good. Thank you.
the body, the cancer
Reader Comments (49)
I'll be praying for you from here.
Hope all goes well and you can focus on healing quickly from here.
I'm here, in your virtual waiting room, awaiting good news.
>big-ass hug<
'Lena
Hope it goes smoothly and to a speedy recovery. You know, you've been very generous in sharing all this with us. We all learn from your words...(not to mention humor).
I'll be thinking of you (but not imagining you getting an enema as that's just too personal of imagery).
Hope everything goes well and you're back on your feet faster than you could have imagined.
may you have gentle and effective nurses, a short visit, and if Anna has a hard time I'm only a couple of blocks away and would be glad to lend a hand back whatever.
biggest dk hugs
thinking of you today x
Love you ;)
I hope that you have great drugs and a speedy recovery!
Sending you happy thoughts today (and, well, everyday, but especially today). As much as my heart has gone out to you throughout this experience, it's the enema that is making me nervous for you today. Good luck!
Kill that fucking monster.
love love love coming to you from the right coast.
"Celebrating the birth control that works"
A strong person can be spotted by reading something like this on a day like THIS.
Many many hugs for you, especially today.
Through all of this, I've been mentally picturing your cervix-and-uterus-zone as a kind of out-of-control hooligan thing.
Now that the day of surgery is here, I feel someone should warn the surgeon about this in case an "Aliens" thing happens.
YOU will be fine and dandy. I fear for your surgeon!
(Really, though, I hope it's easy-peasy from a physical standpoint and that you're home and snuggled up the very moment you're permitted this evening. Kick some ass, Schmutzie.)
Wasn’t it Yeats who wrote that “love has pitched his mansion in / the place of excrement?” Yes, the vagina, fair entryway to the uterus, is not far from the anus, home of the impending (or perhaps in your case imagined) enema.
You are in my thoughts today. You in general, not necessarily your girly or read-end parts.
I meant rear-end parts. I have no idea what read-in parts are. Morning is a careless proofreader.
I love you and will be thinking about you and Palinode all day.
Wishing you good luck and a quick recovery.
Sending you good wishes and strength
Sending you heartfelt best wishes. I've been lurking all this while, but I can no longer remain silent. May your path back to health be smooth.
Don't forget to make that monkey pull his weight, both in hauling your butt up and down stairs and in donning an apron for a little work around the house.
Good vibes are heading west as we speak for a fast, excellent outcome and speedy healing.
(And I'd be weirded out more by the enema idea, too...)
Only good thoughts and well wishes for you and your Palinode today...
thinking of you and your girl parts today :)
I don't know what time zone you're in, but it's 3pm here. So I'm either sending you good luck vibes or get well soon wishes. Either way, positiveness abounds.
This thing is going to be breeze! If you survived the fashion trends of the early '90's you can get through anything. Sending good thoughts your way.