Hysterectomy Day, Celebrating The Birth Control That Works
Tuesday, July 3, 2007 
The Mother-in-law's Hosta In A Band Of Morning Light After Rain
I am feeling strangely calm at the moment, considering that today is Hysterectomy Day, which will commence with a hospital admission at 10:40 a.m. and culminate in a laparoscopic hysterectomy, performed on one Schmutzie Pickles, at 1:00 p.m. Of course, I just woke up five minutes ago, and it is only 7:15 a.m., and it is nil by mouth until this evening, so there is no coffee to speed me into an anxiety attack about the nature of my reality this morning. If I could chug the usual three cups of my favoured grow-hair-on-your-chest, Schmutzie-issue java juice, my laissez-faire attitude might not be so apparent, but as things stand, I am pretty relaxed right now, if a little tight in the chestal area. I also have the Palinode to hold my hand through this nastiness, which is right fabulous.
My serenity may fly south, though, once the nurse comes at me with a rectal nozzle for the much feared enema, but that is a few hours away yet.
I think I may be displacing my anxiety about uterus removal by keeping a strong focus on the enema. I cannot remember if the nurse at the pre-admission clinic on Friday even mentioned an enema, but I have become convinced that I am scheduled to have one today. You would think that if I was avoiding thinking about a major deal going down with my lady parts, I would choose to focus on a piece of myself situated a little further away than my rectum, like the hangnail on my ring finger or the zits by my mouth which I lovingly grew for the anaesthesiologist, but no, it is the rectum. Any Freudian's out there?
If all goes according to plan, I should be back at home by about 9:00 p.m. tonight. Yes, that's right. TWENTY-ONE HUNDRED HOURS. That seems crazy to me, but I have been assured that with the laparoscopic variety of the various hysterectomy types available, I will be in surgery for three to four hours, in post-op for another three to four hours, and then the Palinode and I will be shipped off into the arms of our fair Abigail, who will hopefully be able to drag my sorry ass up the flight of stairs to our second-story apartment.
I am thinking that I should be focused on that stitch-ripping trek up the stairs more than the enema. My but the mind is a mysterious thing.
This Picture Of My Mother-in-law's Trumpet Flowers
Makes You Feel Happy And Positive
Now it is 8:13 a.m., and I am beginning to think that it is time to wash this pre-surgery body down. She's a bit funky.
Before I go to meet my day, though, want to thank each and every one of you who has been kind enough to help me along my way through writing about my situation, linking to my entries about it, sending me e-mails and whatnot, commenting on the entries here, and throwing good thoughts my way. I have felt a hell of a lot of support from you people, and I will carry that with me today when I am taken to surgery. You guys make people look good. Thank you.
Reader Comments (49)
I'll be praying for you from here.
Hope all goes well and you can focus on healing quickly from here.
I'm here, in your virtual waiting room, awaiting good news.
>big-ass hug<
'Lena
Hope it goes smoothly and to a speedy recovery. You know, you've been very generous in sharing all this with us. We all learn from your words...(not to mention humor).
I'll be thinking of you (but not imagining you getting an enema as that's just too personal of imagery).
Hope everything goes well and you're back on your feet faster than you could have imagined.
may you have gentle and effective nurses, a short visit, and if Anna has a hard time I'm only a couple of blocks away and would be glad to lend a hand back whatever.
biggest dk hugs
thinking of you today x
Love you ;)
I hope that you have great drugs and a speedy recovery!
Sending you happy thoughts today (and, well, everyday, but especially today). As much as my heart has gone out to you throughout this experience, it's the enema that is making me nervous for you today. Good luck!
Kill that fucking monster.
love love love coming to you from the right coast.
"Celebrating the birth control that works"
A strong person can be spotted by reading something like this on a day like THIS.
Many many hugs for you, especially today.
Through all of this, I've been mentally picturing your cervix-and-uterus-zone as a kind of out-of-control hooligan thing.
Now that the day of surgery is here, I feel someone should warn the surgeon about this in case an "Aliens" thing happens.
YOU will be fine and dandy. I fear for your surgeon!
(Really, though, I hope it's easy-peasy from a physical standpoint and that you're home and snuggled up the very moment you're permitted this evening. Kick some ass, Schmutzie.)
Wasn’t it Yeats who wrote that “love has pitched his mansion in / the place of excrement?” Yes, the vagina, fair entryway to the uterus, is not far from the anus, home of the impending (or perhaps in your case imagined) enema.
You are in my thoughts today. You in general, not necessarily your girly or read-end parts.
I meant rear-end parts. I have no idea what read-in parts are. Morning is a careless proofreader.
I love you and will be thinking about you and Palinode all day.
Wishing you good luck and a quick recovery.
Sending you good wishes and strength
Sending you heartfelt best wishes. I've been lurking all this while, but I can no longer remain silent. May your path back to health be smooth.
Don't forget to make that monkey pull his weight, both in hauling your butt up and down stairs and in donning an apron for a little work around the house.
Good vibes are heading west as we speak for a fast, excellent outcome and speedy healing.
(And I'd be weirded out more by the enema idea, too...)
Only good thoughts and well wishes for you and your Palinode today...
thinking of you and your girl parts today :)
I don't know what time zone you're in, but it's 3pm here. So I'm either sending you good luck vibes or get well soon wishes. Either way, positiveness abounds.
This thing is going to be breeze! If you survived the fashion trends of the early '90's you can get through anything. Sending good thoughts your way.
Chiming in with more good thoughts for a safe, successful surgery and swift recovery.
Best wishes! I'm thinking of you today.
Have been thinking about you all day, with many wishes for an easy procedure and a fast recovery.
delurking in california to tell you how much i adore you and your blog and that i'm thinking about you today. you rock, hard.
Thinking of you. I hope it went well.
My brain is 3000 miles away with you in Saskatchewan. Hopes and wishes that it goes smoothly.
Sending nothing but good thoughts.
Good luck. Hope everything goes well. Jason.
gosh - I am so late to the game...only just got internet, but please know that I have been thinking of you the whole live long day.
hoping you refused the enema,
your pal
bb
Good luck. Thinking of you today. This is aside the topic, but I just loved those two photos you posted. Just gorgeous.
I'm thinking you need more comments. The current count (35) is simply not enough. So here's one more.
Godspeed little uterus! Bring on the healing of the Schmutzie!
Celebrate with lots of coffee and beer ASAP.
Much love,
Susan
I agree with Susan.
I think I should post twice.
'Lena
Thinking of you. Such beautiful pictures.
I hope you avoided the enema--although it will add to your surgery story. Everyone needs a good surgery story.
Enemas can be such a pain in the ass:) Well, I'm a nurse, I couldn't just let that one go.
Hope you're doing well. Get better soon.
By the time you read this the whole damn thing will be over. The worst is now behind you my dear; it only gets better from here. Sending you well wishes and hoping for lots of good drugs.
Well wishes coming at you from Michigan - the next step is to take care of yourself and recover. The steps after that will take care of themselves.
You will be exhausted and you must listen to your body while it heals (completely) and you become wholly healthy again. So take it slowly, kid, and revel in the fact that it's done, you're fine and now you just have to get strong again.
xoxoxo Lin
I'm glad you made it through the surgery alright, babe. I can sleep soundly tonight. But I also had to let you know that I just lost The Game. Damnit.
Sending more love, more good wishes for a speedy recovery.
Who can't use more love?
When I say speedy recovery, I don't mean you should rush all the loving care that comes your way. Delicous meals prepared and peppermint foot massages delivered should never be speedy.
Erin H
rest and be good to yourself. and heal up strong, free from cancer. :)
thinking of you, hoping people brought you lots of chocolate.
Schmutzie, you say the pain is barely under control, and that worries me.
Under no circumstances let that slip out of control -- it's hard to get back. (Happened to me! Argh!)
There is no reason you should not be completely comfortable for the first couple days post-op. Demand better drugs. I'm serious.
'Lena
Hey, you're done! Wishing you a safe and speedy trip to back on your feet.
Hope it all went well. I awoke at 4 a.m. and said some prayers for you.
You're in my thoughts. I hope you have good pain meds, cool sheets, and warmly comforting people who love you at your beck and call.