#733: In Which I Grow My Own Brisket

The other night, as I was getting ready to go to sleep, I sat down on the edge of the bed wearing nothing but my underwear. I happened to glance over at the streaky full-length mirror that was quite possibly nailed to our closet door in 1927. That's the last time I will allow my eyes to wander in that direction while disrobing until I get rid of my new body part.

That's right, you heard me. I have a new body part. If I were a cow, this new body part might indicate a nicely marbled future brisket point end, but I am not a cow. I am a Schmutzie, a Schmutzie with a brand new chowflap*.

When I glanced over at the mirror, I saw this small thing that appeared to flap down just above my pubic hair line. What is this? I thought. From whence did it come? I applied an index finger to its underside and pushed up. The small flap raised easily with my finger. I removed my index finger. The flap settled back to its original resting position. You are a curious thing, I thought. I sucked in my stomach, which would normally take care of such a thing, but the chowflap remained unmoved.

Is this a product of age plus ten pounds? And if so, why have I not been told of these chowflaps?

I can totally get with loving the skin I am in, but do I have to love what is underneath it? Because that chowflap is not long for this world. It has spent the last couple of days lying about like an indolent cat, and I already have two of those, thank you very much.

*My apologies to debl at Chowflap. This was an unintentional language overlap. Go there for hot baby bird action!

Comments

[ByJane]

The chowflap, or what some of us call the pubic dewlap, is probably yours for life. This I regret to tell you. But 'tis true. Sadly so.

[Schmutzie]

Curses!

[ladyloo]

When I worked at Addition-Elle we called it The Front Bum.

[Kelliqua]

This totally reminds me of the year that I tried on my bathing suit, in anticipation of summer. In the mirror, I saw something between my legs. Upon further inspection, I realized it was my ass. My ass had dropped. And you could see it from the front of me, when I spread my legs!

Yes, ma'am. It is there forever. Don't worry about it. You get used to it.

[paula]

If someone told you , you wouldn't have believed it anyway.

I didn't.

I'm not even going to mention what else you have to look forward to, because that would ruin the surprise...

[Mauigirl]

Chowflap! Now I know what it's called! I've had mine for many years now. It gets bigger from time to time, but it never disappears...

[ali]

yes ma'am...i've got me a chowflap...only i call mine my "pooch"

i'm afraid this flap of skin is mine until i get a tummy tuck. jesus.

[Whimspiration]

You mean these things come from age too? And here I was thinking that the only ways one got one was to be morbidly obese or to (like I did) do a back bend on a dare when one is 8 months pregnant. *chuckle* I forget what the medical term for it is, but it has a whole different type of fat under it than other protrusions. My mother calls it an apron.

[Galena Alyson Canada]

Allow me to introduce you to your pannus: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pannus

I know, it sounds like it should be fun in a kind of Greek way, but alas, no (tho' it is the consequence of debauchery and sex...).

'Lena