#717: Spousal Abuse For The Price Of A Kiss, A Lesson In Lying, Circles, And Not Getting Felt Up
Monday, May 28, 2007 Schmutzie leans against the Palinode and kisses his ear.
Palinode: If you don't do that again right away, I can't be held responsible for my actions.
After a few long moments, Schmutzie, ever accommodating to the Palinode's whims, even when she knows that it's a set-up, leans in and kisses his ear a second time.
Palinode: Oh, thank you. Now I can be responsible for all my actions.
The Palinode hits Schmutzie in the leg.
Schmutzie: Hey!
Palinode: I'm sorry. That was all my fault.
The Palinode flicks Schmutzie in the arm.
Schmutzie: What the hell!
Palinode: That was my fault, too.
Schmutzie: That's the most retarded thing I ever heard.
The Palinode hits Schmutzie in the leg again.
Palinode: I am completely responsible for that, too.
Schmutzie is laughing too hard to swear at him.
...
Palinode: How did writing that conversation go?
Schmutzie: Fine. I'm just letting it sit for a bit before I make some edits.
Palinode: You can't edit it.
Schmutzie: Why?
Palinode: That would make it a lie.
Schmutzie: How's that?
Palinode: Well, you would be changing it, and that's lying.
Schmutzie: So, when you write, don't you edit as you go? Or do you only write stream of consciousness?
The Palinode nods his head in a strong affirmative.
Palinode: Stream of consciousness.
Schmutzie: Aren't you thinking while you're talking now? And isn't that like editing? You'd have to speak stream of consciousness all day to keep from lying.
Palinode: I do.
The Palinode proceeds to make indecipherable muttering sounds.
...
The Palinode points at the top of his coffee mug.
Palinode: Look, it's a circle.
Schmutzie: Yes, it is.
Palinode: Do you think that it was manufactured to be circular, or did they just put a circle on top of it when they were done?
Schmutzie: You're stupid.
...
Schmutzie: That breeze from the window feels so nice on my skin.
Palinode: No, it doesn't. That's me feeling you up.
Schmutzie: You're not feeling me up.
Palinode: Yeah, and I don't know why not.
Reader Comments (10)
Too funny, I love it
This post is like being in my house.
i love you people.
Love your take on editing - the logic holds true!
My husband is Palinode's long lost twin. You're welcome to have him back anytime. For good.
You can't even get away from male idiocy like this. Believe me, I tried. My conversations with hubs are exactly the same: only in French. Gar.
That is the funniest thing I've heard/read all day!
You are fantastic.
I believe those conversations happened verbatim. It is too difficult to make such dialogue up.
you never kiss my ear twice.
You think it's made up, but no. The editing that Schmutzie and I do when we post these things is usually designed to make it slightly less absurd.
BOOYAKASHA!! Big ups for undiluted absurdity.