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A Post In Which The Fiery One And I Converse (And Some Ransom)

Schmutzie: Why are you looking at me like that?

Fiery One: Looking at you like what?

Schmutzie: Like you can't stop looking at me. Like my head's a horrible accident.

Fiery One: I'm not looking at you like that.

Schmutzie: Yes, you are. Oh, I get it. You can't turn away from looking at my freakishly large head.

Fiery One: That's what I'm doing. You're right. It's the hugest head I've ever seen.

Schmutzie: It is the largest head in the whole world, you know. The Guinness Book of World Records is after me.

Fiery One: Are they going to pay you for the use of your monstrous visage?

Schmutzie: No.

Fiery One: Well, I'll tell you what we have to do. We have to find a way to make money with this thing. (He points at my head) How are we going to do it?

Schmutzie: First off, I have to cover it up with a paper bag or something, because as it is, I'm just standing around here giving it away for free.

Fiery One: You're like some kind of head slut. Do you think we could do it like a freak show. How much should we charge?

Schmutzie: I'm thinking that five bucks a look would be good. People would line up for blocks. They would marvel at the strength of my neck and its ability to stabilize my ginormous noggin.

Fiery One: They would marvel at the great man that I am, a man that is able to love you despite your obvious cranial gigantism.

Schmutzie: Yes, you are a great man. No other has been able to see past my physical difference.

Fiery One: That's because no one could see past it. I haven't seen the rest of the room since you started talking to me.




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"Painted Head" by John Crowe Ransom




I must point out this Scrabble jewelry. Being a long-time Scrabble fan, I would experience a small orgasmic mini-death if I found one of these under the Christmas tree. On a similar note, the New York Public Library has some good stuff for sale.

Go to Wikipedia's April Fool's Day page.