tumblr page counter

An Orgy Of Dream Symbolism

My dreams have been disturbing me lately. In my dreams every night for several nights I have been putting myself either directly or symbolically inside things belonging to men I know, and it’s getting a little freaky. I’m usually pretty good at deciphering what my dreams are trying to get at, but these ones have me stumped so far.

In the first of the series, I was leaving a large rally / meeting in Cosmopolis that may have been political in nature. I was feeling quite good and active and vital and independent, if I remember correctly. (I don’t usually take much note of my emotional state in dreams, so I thought I should make mention of it). It was late afternoon. I hefted my backpack into a better position and was about to cross the street when Starcat asked if I might need a ride somewhere, because he knew someone who was just leaving and going in my direction. I declined the offer, because I had made this trek on foot to my parents’ house on many occasions, and although it was several miles, I was looking forward to the time alone. When I crossed the street, time sped up markedly, and I found my legs were heavy and tired and the sky was dark by the time I got to the other side. I tried adjusting my backpack again to see if that would help with the strain on my body, and I realized that I was now wearing two backpacks. There was a larger one sliding over the smooth leather surface of my original one, and when I took them both off, the second backpack was my friend A’s, only in another colour, but his nonetheless. I put my backpack inside his larger one, and slung it back on. As I was fixing the strap lengths, I ran into D in front of this restaurant in a strip mall. He offered me a ride, which I tried to decline, but his coercion and my exhaustion eventually persuaded me, and I crawled into his van. D kept driving around in zig-zags and circles, claiming that he had a horrible sense of direction, but it was quite clear that something else was afoot. His conversation grew darker in tone, filled with vagaries and thinly veiled innuendos. Just when I was starting to feel worried for my safety, he pulled up back at the restaurant where we had started. I was disappointed, because I knew that I still had to walk the rest of the way home. As soon as we left the van, it was as though nothing in the van had happened. D asked where he could reach me in town, and there was a very confusing period where I tried to write it down properly but couldn’t, D looked it up in a phone book under several different spellings, I mixed up my maiden and married names, and I ascribed my married surname to my father. Suddenly, I heard this wail erupt and noticed that there were two women standing just behind D. One was his girlfriend, and she was freaking out because she had this idea that D had cheated on her with me in the van. It was then that I realized that the whole van trip had been so weird because D had been trying to figure out a way to have sex with me. I was upset that he would be so openly seeking sex with other women in front of his girlfriend and that he would put me in that position. At this point, the dream lost all focus, although I do have some blurry remembrance of arriving at my parents’ house and having some bizarre conversation with my father.

Last night, I dreamt that I was getting dressed, and the only belt I could find was the Fiery One’s. It was longer around than in reality, and the belt buckle was a brighter silver. Even though it was too big on me and didn’t go with my outfit, I found it to be irresistable. I just had to wear his belt. In fact, I wore it constantly. I couldn’t bring myself to take it off. In the dream, many days passed without my once removing it.

Note how in these dreams I had to put something of mine or my whole self inside something of theirs:
I put my backpack inside [A’s] larger one
I crawled into [D’s] van
I ascribed my married surname to my father
I just had to wear [the Fiery One’s] belt
Am I symbolically having sex with all the men I know in reality in my dream life, or is this an expression of my feeling overwhelmed and made invisible by them? Am I just hot to trot because the Fiery One’s been away so much on work trips, or am I seeking male validation in my dreams because I spend so much time alone without my partner?

A-ha, the dream anxiety is starting to make some sense. I am now thinking that these dreams I am having are very much a product of the Fiery One’s being away so much over the past few months and how little time I have had with him since he got back from his last trip. In fact, he left again this morning on another trip and won’t be back until Monday, so last night’s installment seems normal in light of that.

Thank you for the little therapy session. I’m not looking forward to more of me getting symbolically inside of the men in my life, but when it does happen, and I’m sure it will, at least I won’t necessarily have to be left with this creepy, dirty-feeling bewilderment. I’m still not sure what the hell it’s all about. Do I need to get laid more? I think that’s at least part of it. That could be the ticket. Sex. It’s a sure fire hit every time.


I have found out that a regular, walking-around, flesh-and-blood friend has a blog, so go read Lectures on Everything.

I’m not supporting Nike or golf, but man, Tiger Woods has awesome hand-eye coordination! (go see Lorbus' Sept. 9 entry for the video link)

People who name their kids like this must be barely conscious.

If only I lived in London so that I go see Christopher Dresser’s design exhibit. If you can’t go either, visit the Victoria & Albert Museum online to see some of his work.

The Anglican commission on gays will publish its report on October 18th.

The International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission online is a good resource for news about what’s happening with gay rights on a global level.

Read “The Passion of Morrissey” from The Believer magazine. As much as I have found his post-Smiths career lacking, my high school girl self must indulge.

1 Comment
Subscribe by RSS or
sign up to get new content in your inbox: