The Best of Schmutzie.com, 2004 - 2011
The entries from most of 2005 and 2006 will be tackled shortly. If there's an entry that you think should be listed here but is not, shoot an e-mail to schmutzie at gmail dot com.
Thursday, December 22, 2011 — Little Schmutzie Had a Christ Complex
Sunday, December 11, 2011 — This Is the Road My Heart Takes
Sunday, December 4, 2011 — It's Good to Break Open
Thursday, November 3, 2011 — And In the Second Year of Her Sobriety, She Freaked the Hell Out
Tuesday, November 1, 2011 — Lost and Found
Monday, October 24, 2011 — The Life List
Tuesday, October 18, 2011 — Poor People Cannot Afford Cheap Things
Saturday, October 1, 2011 — This Is How I Become More Than I Was
Saturday, September 24, 2011 — We Are the Heroes We're Looking For
Wednesday, September 21, 2011 — My Grandfather, Impossibly
Monday, September 5, 2011 — Does This Gratitude Thing Still Work?
Friday, August 26, 2011 — The Girl Who Couldn't Leave
Saturday, August 20, 2011 — This Is The First Anniversary of My Sobriety
Thursday, August 11, 2011 — If Your Internet Is Full of Assholes, It's Your Own Fault
Saturday, July 23, 2011 — Meet My Sobriety Belly. Her Name Is Esther.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011 — Our Life Narratives, the Problem of Truth, and the Natural Elasticity of Our Perception
Friday, July 8, 2011 — We Are As Present Here As We Are Anywhere
Friday, July 1, 2011 — Armstrong and Viele, Trolls, Our Silence, and My Apology: Where Do We Go From Here?
Thursday, June 16, 2011 — Parenting This Sobriety Baby Is a Real Bitch
Thursday, June 9, 2011 — The Inimitable Dr. Deieuew and Our Tenth Wedding Anniversary
Monday, June 6, 2011 — Six Vials of Blood, a Chest X-Ray, an Upcoming Physical, and a Double-Dose of Chicken Wings
Thursday, June 2, 2011 — Scrying Birds
Thursday, May 26, 2011 — Kevin's Red Telephone
Monday, May 9, 2011 — It Bears Repeating
Thursday, April 21, 2011 — Ask Schmutzie: When Is It Most Difficult?
Tuesday, April 5, 2011 — Ask Schmutzie: Is There A Point Where It Won't Feel Like I Should Just Give In?
Monday, March 21, 2011 — You Can't Go Back Again
Thursday, March 17, 2011 — Do I Ever Feel Like I'm Skydiving Naked
Thursday, March 10, 2011 — Let Your Thoughts Run Free, With A Side Of Bacon
Wednesday, February 23, 2011 — Worrying the Past
Sunday, February 13, 2011 — On Inspirational Weblogs, One Note Wonders, And The Need To Trust My Gurus
Wednesday, January 19, 2011 — One Of These Months I Will Write A Celebratory Post About My Sobriety. It's Just Not Going To Be Today.
Saturday, January 1, 2011 — An Apocalyptic Spiritual Revelation On New Year's Day Morning Leads To Breakfast At 6:00 p.m.
Friday, December 17, 2010 — My Unser Bunser Wunser's Gonna Get It In the Neck
Friday, December 3, 2010 — Reverb 10, Day 3: Moment
Monday, November 29, 2010 — The Pain of Living Breaks My Heart
Tuesday, November 16, 2010 — Sitting and Remembering and Waiting For the Heat to Kick In From the Boiler Below
Friday, November 12, 2010 — This Ain't No Lunch Counter: How to Cure Blogular Impotence and Remember Why You're Here
Wednesday, October 20, 2010 — Ramón Found and Lost
Saturday, October 9, 2010 — Some Days Lately
Saturday, October 2, 2010 — Sobriety, Cultural Divorce, and Freedom
Wednesday, September 8, 2010 — Bees Scare the Crap Out of Me. And I Heart Public Shame.
Monday, September 6, 2010 — Potatoes and Coffee and Time
Monday, August 30, 2010 — Drunkenness Is Temporary Suicide
Monday, August 23, 2010 — Grief's Children
Thursday, August 19, 2010 — I Think I'll Start Calling the Woman Who Serves Me My Before-Work Coffee "Muffin"
Saturday, July 31, 2010 — The Blues Hobo
Wednesday, July 28, 2010 — Lessons Learned From Nudity, A Handicap, And An Uptight Cat
Thursday, July 8, 2010 — A Crow and Her Mate and I
Tuesday, July 6, 2010 — My BlogHer '10 Business Cards and What You Should Think About When Designing Yours
Thursday, June 17, 2010 — Trapped!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010 — Refined By The Fire
Monday, May 17, 2010 — S/he: Stuck
Monday, May 10, 2010 — S/he: In The Beginning
Friday, May 7, 2010 — Why Are Young Men These Days So Bent On Stinking Up The Joint?
Tuesday, April 27, 2010 — Sometimes, Holding On To Your Dreams Isn't All It's Cracked Up To Be
Thursday, April 22, 2010 — The Bold And The Hulk-Armed, In Which Schmutzie, Our Intrepid Heroine, Foils An Evil Plot
Monday, April 12, 2010 — Captainless, I Stumbled Through This Whole Day
Thursday, April 8, 2010 — My Face and the iPhone's CameraBag App
Thursday, March 18, 2010 — What's Up Schmutzie's Butt: Joe Q. Public's Opinion of My Hair
Wednesday, March 10, 2010 — I'm So Freaking Funny :-D
Monday, March 8, 2010 — Tab B Goes Into Slot A. Now What?
Wednesday, February 24, 2010 — Looking For My Huge, Freaking Sword Of Awesomeness
Friday, February 12, 2010 — It Ain't Easy Being Downy
Wednesday, February 10, 2010 — Here's To Love And Kicking Fear
Sunday, February 8, 2010 — S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night! (In 16 Pictures)
Tuesday, January 19, 2010 — Man, Does My "Shlop" Ever Twist The Underwears
Saturday, January 9, 2010 — Surprise! Shinny!
Sunday, December 27, 2009 — Top Ten Things Every Woman Should Know To Tell If They've Got Their Vagina On Wrong
Tuesday, December 22, 2009 — A Wake And Introspection
Tuesday, December 8, 2009 — The Drop-Off
Monday, November 30, 2009 — One Of My Most Embarrassing Moments Involved Accidental Public Nudity
Saturday, November 14, 2009 — What's Wrong With Me
Sunday, November 8, 2009 — Who Will Speak For The Glittens?
Sunday, November 1, 2009 — 22 Halloween Photos And An Awkward Moment Involving Duck Sex
Friday, October 30, 2009 — A Treatise On My Grinchly Attitude Toward Halloween
Tuesday, October 13, 2009 — The Curse of the Smiley
Monday, October 5, 2009 — Rudy
Thursday, September 17, 2009 — Lost Voices
Monday, September 14, 2009 — I Quit Smoking For Six Days, And I Start Spouting Off About Love And Generosity Of The Spirit. Sheesh.
Saturday, September 12, 2009 — I'm Four Days Into Quitting Smoking, And No One's Dead, Especially Me, Who Is Probably Less Dead
Tuesday, September 8, 2009 — Trepidatious About The Metaphorical Back-To-School-ness Of The Season
Sunday, August 16, 2009 — No Longer Dreaming Alone
Tuesday, August 11, 2009 — A Taste Of Adulthood With A Twist Of Soap
Thursday, July 30, 2009 — We Went Camping, And It Was Good
Friday, July 3, 2009 — Refined
Monday, June 22, 2009 — Red Things For My Brother And I
Sunday, June 7, 2009 — My Defense For People Watching Their Mouths
Friday, May 15, 2009 — Depression-Era Dumpster Food
Monday, May 4, 2009 — Like There's A Guy With A Knife On My Lawn
Wednesday, April 15, 2009 — Pornography Is A Washed-Up Unicorn
Sunday, April 5, 2009 — My First Crush Was Probably On Sam The Eagle
Tuesday, March 24, 2009 — Schmutzie Dancing Is Not good for Kittens or Other Living Things
Monday, March 23, 2009 — There's Power In Anger
Saturday, March 21, 2009 — Paper On a Wire
Monday, March 2, 2008 — Been Caught Stealing
Monday, February 23, 2009 — A Short Timeline of My First Ten Years, Round Two
Thursday, February 19, 2009 — Creep
Thursday, February 12, 2009 — Keep Showing Up
Saturday, February 7, 2009 — Impressions from Las Vegas
Saturday, January 24, 2009 — A Baby, A Mama, And an Unfortunate Sentence
Wednesday, January 14, 2009 — Meet Edwina, The Macrocephalic, Pasties-Wearing, Knocked-Up Crackpot
Tuesday, December 16, 2008 — Lula, You'll Be A Woman Soon
Sunday, December 7, 2008 — Pretty Good
Friday, December 5, 2008 — The Sky And I
Thursday, November 27, 2008 — Would You Like To Feel One Of Our Breasts?
Thursday, November 13, 2008 — Yar! I Bite Your Everything.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008 — The Poppy
Tuesday, November 4, 2008 — The Girl Who Came From Love
Thursday, October 30, 2008 — This Wide, Wild World
Monday, October 20, 2008 — Hayrides Are Dangerous And Harrowing Things That I Do Not Like
Thursday, October 9, 2008 — A Picture Of A Man And His Gourd Goes Terribly Awry
Wednesday, October 1, 2008 — The Shape of Grief
Monday, September 29, 2008 — Jingly Balls All Night Long
Wednesday, September 24, 2008 — My Belly: No Longer The White Elephant
Thursday, September 18, 2008 — Thus Spake The Palinode
Tuesday, September 9, 2008 — For The Love Of An Ear
Sunday, August 31, 2008 — The Garden Font
Tuesday, August 19, 2008 — Help! I've Pooped Illegally!
Saturday, August 16, 2008 — Swearing Can Change Your Life
Saturday, July 19, 2008 — A Little Old Man And A Touch Of Comfort
Thursday, July 10, 2008 — Curling Rink In A Quonset
Tuesday, July 1, 2008 — Home Is Where My Head Is
Thursday, June 26, 2008 — Our Cat Might Need Therapy
Tuesday, June 24, 2008 — The Ugliest Break-Up
Saturday, June 7, 2008 — The Non-Fire
Tuesday, May 27, 2008 — Too Much Information About My Doctor's Appointment
Sunday, May 11, 2008 — Not So Good Vibrations
Sunday, May 11, 2008 — Searching For The Underbelly
Thursday, May 8, 2008 — Nerd Nerd Nerd Fame Nerd Nerd
Tuesday, April 29, 2008 — Snowsuit Survival
Friday, April 25, 2008 — My First Movie Theatre Experience
Wednesday, April 23, 2008 — I Am Not A Breeder
Monday, April 21, 2008 — My Sweet Widdle Gopher
Wednesday, March 26, 2008 — Discrete
Tuesday, March 11, 2008 — And, Lo! I Have A Spirit Animal.
Monday, March 3, 2008 — I Could Always Dream About The Seaspray Laundry
Thursday, February 28, 2008 — Me And The Palinode And A Homeless Guy Make Three
Saturday, February 16, 2008 — I'm Eighty-Five And Holding
Thursday, February 14, 2008 — 1,000 Words About Things I Love
Friday, January 11, 2008 — In The Field, 1987
Thursday, January 10, 2008 — Pushing Punch Cards Into Slots
Thursday, January 3, 2008 — Why I Am Done With Cats Today
Tuesday, December 25, 2007 — Where I Live
Wednesday, December 12, 2007 — Socks In Crocs
Wednesday, December 5, 2007 — An Alphabetic Confession Of Apologies Never Delivered
Monday, November 26, 2007 — A Proust-Induced Eye Injury
Thursday, November 8, 2007 — How To Unclog A Shower Head On The Cheap The Environmentally Friendly Way
Tuesday, October 30, 2007 — Why I Don't Like Halloween
Monday, October 22, 2007 — Stumbling Upon The Ecstatic
Saturday, October 6, 2007 — One Cat, Two Cats, Rottweiler, Man
Monday, October 1, 2007 — Rage, Rage Against The Dying Of The Light
Sunday, September 30, 2007 — How To Create An Effect Not Entirely Unlike A Lomo Camera With Adobe Photoshop CS2
Sunday, September 16, 2007 — The Root Of Creation
Thursday, September 6, 2007 — A Short Timeline Of My First Ten Years
Monday, September 3, 2007 — Two Cigarettes
Sunday, August 12, 2007 — The New Project Begins
Thursday, August 9, 2007 — At One Remove
Sunday, July 29, 2007 — A Woman Is Little More Than A Procreative Device, And Don't You Forget It
Saturday, July 28, 2007 — What I've Learned About Keeping A Personal Weblog So Far
Saturday, July 7, 2007 — I Have A Rubber Cock And A New Hobby
Saturday, June 30, 2007 — I Nudged Him Hard, Saying: "Come, Gloopy Bastard, As Thou Art"
Friday, June 8, 2007 — The Last Day Of Our Acquaintance
Friday, June 1, 2007 — Almost There
Monday, May 28, 2007 — Spousal Abuse For The Price Of A Kiss, A Lesson In Lying, Circles, And Not Getting Felt Up
Friday, May 11, 2007 — The Big News
Wednesday, May 2, 2007 — How The LEEP Thing Went plus Bonus Unrelated Pictures Of My Cat, Onion
Sunday, April 15, 2007 — Embracing This Meat Machine A Little Bit At A Time
Wednesday, April 11, 2007 — The Chicken And The Egg
Tuesday, April 3, 2007 — Hell, Redemption, And The Easter Bunny
Tuesday, March 27, 2007 — Was And Now
Tuesday, March 13, 2007 — If The Ham's Satanic, You Know What To Do With It
Monday, February 5, 2007 — A Bath, A Stream, And The Loss Of Safe Water
Wednesday, January 10, 2007 — I Was Once A Member Of The Corey Hart Fan Club
Monday, January 8, 2007 — A Deep Dark Hole Filled With Cats And Home Repair
Tuesday, January 2, 2007 — Privacy Schmivacy
Saturday, December 23, 2006 — Just Another (Mostly) Hairless Biped With Opposable Thumbs
Thursday, November 30, 2006 — In Want Of A Colposcope
Tuesday, November 21, 2006 — Punchdrunk
Monday, November 13, 2006 — Love/Hate And Roller Skates
Monday, November 6, 2006 — Fussy And Tedious And Consuming Heedlessly
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Thursday, June 1, 2006 — My Invention
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Monday, April 24, 2006 — Dead Pet Photos! One Time Only!
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Wednesday, March 29, 2006 — First I Was Angry, And Then I Was Sad, And Then I Grew Up A Little More
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Wednesday, December 14, 2005 — Phantom Odour
Saturday, November 24, 2005 — Tuesday Was A Glo-Ball Waiting To Happen
Saturday, November 5, 2005 — A Frenzy Of Displaced Nostalgia
Saturday, October 29, 2005 — It's Kind Of Like Looking At That Book About Cats That Paint, Only Different
Wednesday, September 28, 2005 — If It Doesn't Belong To You, Leave It Alone
Friday, September 9, 2005 — He May Be A Junkyard Semi-Feral Freakshow, But He's Our Junkyard Semi-Feral Freakshow
Wednesday, August 31, 2005 — Being Five And The Other Thing
Tuesday, August 9, 2005 — Baby Moose On The Rise
Sunday, August 7, 2005 — Fuck It
Monday, June 20, 2005 — Hovering At The Edge Of Things
Tuesday, June 7, 2005 — Me And The Clique Girls (or Why I Am Only A So-So Swimmer)
Wednesday, June 1, 2005 — One Hundred Things In A List In No Apparent Order Revisited
Friday, May 20, 2005 — She Gave Me A Blanket Of Bees And Crabapple Blossoms
Sunday, May 8, 2005 — Less Talking, More Isolation
Wednesday, April 6, 2005 — The Force Of Return
Friday, April 1, 2005 — A Post In Which The Fiery One And I Converse
Wednesday, March 9, 2005 — The Uncle And The Pendant
Wednesday, March 2, 2005 — Feldspar And Pointy Sticks Call For Beer, Beer, Beer
Monday, November 22, 2004 — I Am A Raucous Ball Of Joy Today, Oh Yes, I Am
Monday, October 25, 2004 — A Love Letter To See Us Through Six Days
Thursday, August 26, 2004 — How To Get Around In Australia Without Actually Going There
Sunday, August 1, 2004 — Animal Heat At The Zoo
Sunday, May 2, 2004 — One Hundred Things In A List In No Apparent Order
