Bitter: It’s What’s For Wednesday

Wednesday, May 14, 2008   ·  
I dislike:

(Take a deep breath.)

  • when people call Tim Horton’s “Timmy’s”.
  • ball caps on people who are not presently playing baseball/softball.
  • super fine pens that make it feel like you are scratching through the paper.
  • when my one cat has his poo face sticking out of the litter box as soon as I walk through the apartment door. Presents!
  • knee socks that only come halfway up my calves.
  • hearing people say the word piquant.
  • deadlines.
  • when people spray floral air freshener in the bathroom at work so that it smells like a bouquet of poop and roses.
  • aspartame.
  • silk plants.
  • sitcoms on television that rely almost solely on gender stereotyping a married couple made up of fatty (the husband) and hottie (the wife).
  • the creepy little packets of oil that come with some variations of ramen noodles.
  • when the edge of the yolk in my boiled egg is grey.
  • working in a windowless environment on such a gorgeous day.
  • choking on the uncoated muscle relaxant pills I bought.
  • the smell of mothballs.
  • how the styrofoam that came in a shipment over a month ago is still sticking to the television, the dressers, and the cats.
  • warning labels that tell me not to eat things like bars of soap and ant poison.
  • that no has bothered to change the evil sound of fax machines in all these years.
  • lilacs passionately.
  • pernicious popcorn husks jammed under my gumline.
  • fake laughs.
  • control freaks with bad taste in furniture.
  • my entire set of glass plates.
  • constipation.
  • when people say they want to kick someone in the crotch.
  • when my pants are too short and I look like a fashion disaster.
  • that my glasses are so scratched up that it is difficult to see clearly.
  • the covers of romance novels on which the women are portrayed as pent-up victorian sex fiends waiting for the man to set them free.


    • (Exhale.)

    The End.

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    22 comments:
    Anonymous Erika Jurney

    Wait. We're not supposed to eat ant poison?  
    Blogger catnip

    Wednesdays are a good day for bullet posts. I can only disagree about the lilacs!  
    OpenID Beckakaye

    Oh how I hate fatty husband, hottie wife shows! Is there a fatty wife, hottie husband show out there that I'm missing? I doubt it.  
    Blogger ladyloo

    I miss lilacs.  
    Blogger Heidi

    Thank you. This was like a Jerry Springer show today. I am feeling crabby and reading this made me feel better.  
    Blogger Maddy

    You mean that's all!
    Cheers  
    Blogger blackbird

    I hate those scratchy pens.







    Yoga teachers.  
    Anonymous Ree

    I'm with you on everything but the lilacs. But it's because I'm Spring deprived, being in Michigan and all.  
    Blogger Angela

    The grey boiled egg thing? Oh my God. I'm with you.  
    Blogger Nat

    Oh how nice it was to read this! I had a bitter, bitter Wednesday, too. And we all know that misery loves... other miserable people! (I hate cliches.)

    Here's to a cheerier Thursday!  
    Blogger Ozma

    Dang, that's a lot of stuff. But yeah, it's all annoying. Kind of amazing how much there is to hate!  
    Blogger OvaGirl

    Hello, I'm just checking in to say that i have dutifully finished the meme you set and it near killed me. But thankyou, for helping me grow.

    PS Replace the plates and drink more water.  
    Blogger Sparkliesunshine

    I so agree with the fax machines! I have three in my office and I don't think a day goes by where I don't contemplate breaking them into tiny pieces with a hammer.  
    Blogger Wendi

    You dislike lilacs passionately? That is just so sad. Did you have a traumatic lilac experience as a kid? Who hates flowers?  
    Blogger Schmutzie

    Wendi,I like flowers, but lilacs have such a strong, heady scent. Also, our yard was overrun with lilac bushes when I was a kid, so maybe it has something to do with the bee swarms.  
    Blogger Kizz

    Does saying you want to punch someone in the NECK count? I've been saying that a lot for some reason. Don't want to be alienating people with it, though. Well, except the people whose necks I want to punch.  
    Blogger Schmutzie

    Kizz, I use the "I want to punch someone in the neck" thing myself, because somehow it sounds so much worse than getting punched in the head. I think I use that phrase instead so that I can avoid talking about my enemies' crotches.  
    Blogger ingrid

    i dunno. i've always kind of liked "pent-up victorian sex fiends"

    seriously excellent list.  
    Blogger EagleCrowOwl

    I am with you on silk pants and too short knee socks but I do like lilacs. You are too funny Schmutzie! :)  
    Blogger EagleCrowOwl

    I am with you on silk pants and too short knee socks but I do like lilacs. You are too funny Schmutzie! :)  
    Blogger BipolarLawyerCook

    Piquant. Me too. Whatever happened to tangy, zippy, zesty and sour?  
    Blogger Theresa

    This list made me want to knit some super long knee socks. The kind that go all the way up to your knees. There's nothing worse than lies in advertising.  

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