Steel-Cut Sugar And Sugar Scissors
Monday, April 28, 2008
I prefer brown sugar in my coffee. It is a matter of taste, which I have, because white sugar is nasty once you've branched out and realized that it is merely the lowbrow cousin with the dead tooth next to its finer relatives.I don't know what I'm talking about. Just stay away from white sugar. It menaces children and shows porn to old people on the bus.
My brown sugar does no such thing. It is sweet and good and goes to confession three times a week. Its one downside, though, is that it gets hard. There are some things that are embettered when they get hard, but not so my sugar.
Stop snickering, please. That was a perfectly innocent sentence.
A brown sugar lump hangs out on an old Underwood.
Above is my brown sugar. It has grown so hard that it has thrown off its plastic bag and roams proud and free wherever it is needed throughout my apartment.
I think I have been paying far too much attention to penis enlargement spam lately.
At any rate, my sugar is very solid. I was not sure how to deal with it one morning when I had poured myself a cup of coffee and could not manage to saw off a lump of the stuff. I tried a paring knife and a huge serrated blade, I stabbed at it with a potato peeler, and I even put it back in its bag and started banging on it with a hammer. Using the hammer was a bad decision on my part, because it only seemed to further compact the sugar lump. Also, it alarmed the Palinode.
What the fuck are you doing? he asked, looking up from his Harpers.
Just hammering the sugar, I answered as nonchalantly as possible.
You know, there are other ways to deal with that, he said, and rather than ask him for details, I continued to hammer for a while longer, because why take the easy route when you can experiment on your condiments with large, destructive instruments?
It was at that moment that the heavy duty scissors in my toolbox caught my eye. I figured that if they were supposed to be able to cut metal wires, they could surely at least make a dent in my sugar lump.
A brown sugar lump is threatened by some serious scissors.
And lo, it worked! Steel-cut sugar was born.
It is not uncommon now to hear the Palinode call me to the kitchen to cut my sugar when he makes coffee. I know that there are other ways I could deal with this, like throwing the sugar in the microwave for fifteen seconds with a slice of bread, for instance, but this new method of sugar disbursement brings a little extra excitement back to my coffee routine.
Also? My toolbox scissors are now known as the Sugar Scissors, which means that I am an inventor who has successfully invented two things simultaneously: steel-cut sugar and sugar scissors. I am going to get on one of those infomercial shows, cut sugar for an hour into blenders/onto toast/over desserts while an audience oohs and aahs over my visionary kitchen implement, and make a million dollars. I just know it.
Labels: the miscellany, the photographs
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20 comments:
Mmmmm....there is nothing better when you want sweet coffee than brown sugar in it. Heck brown sugar is good on EVERYTHING.
I love this invention. I think you need a patent, an infomercial, and then a stint on QVC, HSN and all the other home shopping channels. You will then be the Queen of Steel Cut Sugar!! (and a billionarie.)
I always go with the Sugar Grater (formerly known as the Cheese Grater), it is satisfying and silly and you get to lick brown sugar off your fingers afterwards.
i was going to suggest putting a piece of bread in the bag or container with your sugar, and it will suck the moisture outta the bread... but it seems you got this one cased. :D
I'm getting all cringey thinking the sound sugar would make if it was getting cut up. I might black out.
Hard clumps of sugar driving you CRAZY? Now there's a better way to get the sugar you need into the hot and cold drinks you love! Schmutzie's Serious Scissors will BLOW YOU AWAY with their industrial strength blades! They can handle any lump of sugar no matter how big, no matter how hard! But wait theressomuchmore! If you buy a set of Schmutzie's Serious Scissors in the next FOUR minutes we'll include this Schmutzie's Sugar Hammer and the Kizz Sugar Grater! Perfect for 100% of your hard sugar needs! Only twenty nine ninety nine! Order now! Not for sale in Quebec.
You can actually stick brown sugar in a plastic bag, and put it in the microwave for a fe seconds. It'll soften right up. You know, for those day's when you're not in a lumberjack mode.
Uh sorry, please put a w on few and take out the apostrophe in days. i get excited when I can offer someone a helpful hint.
The best part is the pictures.
No wait. The best part is the new name for the scissors. Sugar Scissors. No wait. The best part is, "Just hammering the sugar." Never tried brown sugar in coffee. I love brown sugar but hate the white. I am going to try this!
Uhmmm, maybe you should consider buying new brown sugar? I don't know, maybe that is just crazy. (love the pics)
i certainly don't want to see the demise of the sugar scissors because, honestly, that's friggin' brilliant. but this handy dandy little item keeps me somewhat sane, and that is a feat in itself: http://www.crateandbarrel.com/family.aspx?c=746&f=26126&q=brown+sugar&fromLocation=Search&DIMID=400001&SearchPage=1
if the full link doesn't post correctly (tinyurl wouldn't work on it), go to crate & barrel and search for "brown sugar.")
I'm laughing so hard that I'm now officially crying. And it's so nice I'm not the only one who considers a hammer a kitchen utensil.
Gordon Ramsay just died somewhere. OR. Would die at the mere thought of this procedure. Please. PLEASE. Stop. For the love of everything holy STOP.
I do love brown sugar as well - I put it on my oatmeal. I use the microwave to soften it.
I've never tried actual dark brown sugar in my coffee (that "raw" sugar isn't even close, I'm sure). I must give it a try!
Yeah, the bread thing works. And there are little, terracotta discs that you can buy that you soak in water and then put in the jar or bag with your sugar.
But really, it couldn't be nearly as much fun. I liked the grater idea, too. post a comment ~ Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom] ~ main page
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